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Won’t pipe down

Head Rambles Posted on by

A few months ago I received a phone call from a journalist.

She said she was doing a piece on smokers, and could we chat? 

Well, chat we did for quite a long time, and a pleasant chat it was.

I forgot all about it after that.  After all, I had important things to occupy my mind such as going on holidays and getting pissed.  Interviews for a newspaper were way down on my list of priorities.

A few days after we came back from holidays, I got another call.  A photographer wanted to get a few shots for the article that I had completely forgotten about.  I had given the Other Fella’s name and address which caused some confusion as he was all set to head to the wrong end of the county.  Heh! Eventually he came and took dozens of shots.  I had to produce vast quantities of smoke for each shot so I got quite lightheaded.  What was worse, he demanded vast quantities of smoke and a smile at the same time.  It was around that moment I discovered that smiling while sucking on a pipe is a physical impossibility.  I learn something new every day.

After he left, of course I forgot about the whole escapade again.  After all, that was weeks ago and I assumed the whole thing had ben dropped.

I got a text message thingy from the journalist this morning – the article is in the Irish Independent.

I bought the paper and there it is – a lovely photograph of Penny.  She is so proud.

Considering we chatted for the best part of an hour, the journalist – Geraldine Lynagh – she left a whole lot out.

Unfortunately she left out the bit where I explained precisely why our Minister for Sickness and Ill Health was an unmitigated cunt.

Unfortunately she left out the bit where I said that the gubmint could stick their anti-smoker laws up their collective holes.

Unfortunately she left out the bit where I said that anti-smokers were a shower of brainwashed fuckwits.

I suppose you can’t win ‘em all?

The article isn’t on line until tomorrow apparently, so for those of you who just can’t wait …

Paper_Article
Click the image to embiggen.

I may have given the Other Fella’s name and address, but Penny is real.

 

Comments

Won’t pipe down — 27 Comments

  1. Jaysus but you've got bony knees!!!

     

    Enniskerry? I though you were in wild West Wicklow somewhere. Penny looks well.

    • I'm very attached to those knees.

      South Wicklow, where the scenery is.  Not that pushed about West Wicklow.

  4. You know GD that article just isn't you. It's shite. Sanitized to fuck. Who's she write for? Womans World 1950? "Richard enjoys the occasional glass of wine on special occasions blah blah blah"

  5. You look fine and dandy in the photo, GD although Penny looks a bit better (she strikes a pose, that girl does). The pipe looks a part of you as if removing it would be like removing your hand along with it.

    And my knees are just as bony don't you know.

    • The photographer brought the wrong size lens or something so I had to squish up so all of me would fit in.  Hence the knees.

      Penny, the pipe, the beard and I all come as a package.

  6. Journalists may interview you for hours but things get boiled down in the subediting, and the writer puts her own spin on things. Your candid comments on the Minister for Health couldn't be quoted in a family newspaper. Nice family picture though.

    • I think I'll just have to rely on this here site for the unedited versions?  If they had had the guts to print what I actually said, their readership probably would have gone through the roof!

  7. Nice beard, Grandad and Penny is awfully cute!  My father-in-law smoked a pipe until my mother-in-law made him quit…….He hasn't seemed happy since.

    • Herself once muttered about my quitting until I pointed out that it was very strong grounds for divorce.  She shut up since.  Maybe you should suggest that to Himself?

    • Jim Royle, my arse!

      It was a nice sunny day so he decided on the Back Step.  Who was I to argue?

      • Anything really is worth it I suppose if it means raising the blood pressure of our (not so) esteemed Minister for Ill health & Sickness. Well done, GD.

  9. Ah well GD it is the silly season after all. The papers need to be writing something to fill the pages. Penny looks like she need a pipe too.

    • Penny is a cigar buff.  She had just finished one when the photographer arrived.  He tried to get her to light another but she's a five-a-day girl.

    • A stark naked statue.  There's another at the side of the lake but the ivy keeps covering that one.

  11. Congrats on the article, Grandad.  At least they left in the bit about having good lungs.  I was amazed they left that in the article.  They have a bad habit of picking out what they want and throwing away the rest.  🙂

    • I got the impression that the reporter wasn't too keen on the Nanny State herself.  I don't know if she's a smoker but even non-smokers are taking notice now.

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