I never had much time for Twitter.
Granted it’s a handy way of advertising when I publish something, but apart from that I find it incredibly dull and boring. I don’t care if it’s raining in Torquay, and I don’t give a shite that you are on the bus on the way to see your mammy. I don’t give a flying fuck if you ate a banana for breakfast and I do NOT want to see a photograph of your left foot.
There were rare occasions when the place would liven up and a bit of slagging would start, but those days are over. They are introducing their “report this” button so all those with the brittle sensitivities of a shard of crystal can whinge and whine to “the authorities”. I sincerely hope the facility becomes so abused that they have to withdraw it!
As for that idiotic General Manager of theirs Tony Wang [now there’s a name to play with?] “apologising” to all those who have been offended. Did he send those “offensive” messages? If he didn’t then why the fuck is he apologising? Why the fuck is he giving in to a tiny minority? Prick!
Now why should I care about Twitter if I dislike it so much you ask?
I care because it is all part of the slippery slope.
I remember way back when, when the anti-smokers asked for no smoking in certain train carriages, and on certain flights. “That’s all we want” they said. “Give us those little things and we will be happy and will never complain again”. Right. Rule number one with the Purists – never give an inch, because once they have an inch they will demand a foot, a yard, a mile and then the whole fucking universe.
I mentioned during the week that all these easily offended people had to so was to stop reading Twitter, but that goes against their vision of the future. You see, they want it all, but they want it on their terms. They can’t tolerate the concept of a smoking room in a pub because they might want to enter that room. They can’t even tolerate “lads’ mags” on the top shelf because their precious spawn might want to look there. Now they want to be able to “tweet” without running the risk of seeing a naughty word or spontaneous reaction. They want Twitter, but they want it under their rules.
I can see their future. We will all have a nice healthy breakfast of lentils and tofu and then all jog happily to work. There will be no smoking or drinking anywhere in the world, as tobacco and alcohol are banned. Sugar and fat will appear only in the dark recesses of the history books. We shall all be happy happy happy, and oh so fucking healthy. The lambs will frolic in the fields and the children will only find sanitised Dora the Explorer on the Interweb. No one will ever say anything nasty about anyone because we are after all, in Utopia.
If that’s your idea of Utopia then good luck to you.
It’s my idea of Hell.