Ireland is to ban all children under the age of 18.
In a surprise announcement at a meeting in Luxembourg today, the Irish Minister for Health has stated that from July 1st, 2013 all children under the age of 18 are to be banned.
“We need to send a clear message to the world” said the minister. “To date our efforts in reducing smoking rates, drink consumption and obesity problems in the young have met with little or no success, so it is incumbent upon us to lead the world in a new radical measure to tackle these problems.”
The minister outlined his plan stating that the cull will begin on July 1st this year, and it is expected that by the end of the year, there will be no one in Ireland under the age of 19.
“To some, this may appear to be a drastic solution” he said, “but by next year we will be the first country in the world to have no under-age drinkers or smokers, and obesity will become a problem that only affects the older generations.”
“ We estimate this move will save over seven million lives a year in Ireland, and cut our healthcare costs by over €128 billion” he added.
In a coordinated announcement by the Irish Government, the new Abortion Bill currently under debate will introduce compulsory abortions in all pregnancies with no exceptions.
“This may seem a little radical” said Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny, “but we must eradicate these problems within our youth.”
“We are introducing these measures for the sake of our children.”