No matter how hard I try to plan ahead, The Fates always seem to have a snigger and thwart those plans.
My plan was to spend today doing a few odd jobs around the place, like unblocking a sewer or two, and then tomorrow to do a little packing ready for the trip on Saturday morning.
But you see, The Fates had other ideas.
When I fired up the old laptop today there was a message for me. Apparently the people who were in the house we had booked had suddenly taken fright and had cut their holiday short, and would we like an extra day as it was all paid for? My theory is that they got out of bed in the morning and saw this strange bright thing in the sky where there should be rain-clouds, and had taken panic thinking the world was about to end.
So to cut to the pursuit, we are going tomorrow instead of Saturday.
And not a child in the house washed.
So I have spent today down at the shops getting some last minute items, unblocking sewers, doing some packing and unpacking all the shit that Herself has packed. Now I’m knackered and in bad need of a holiday.
As I mentioned before, where we are going is sort of in the middle of nowhere so I will be completely out of touch with the world. I won’t be scribbling here, nor will I be in a position to answer any comments. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, and may not even bother my arse returning.
You’ll just have to talk amongst yourselves.
Just go… and enjoy the freedom.
I bet we can reach 500 comments before he returns 🙂
Especially as he is mulling over staying there permanently.
…. oh no we can't………………..!
You're supposed to say "Oh yes we can……!" ad finitum!!
we are really going to have to put more effort into this….
have a grand time! hope to see you back here soon
We could start a rumour campaign about where ole GD is really gone? I reckon it's more than a holiday, there's very few places these days where one can't get internet access.
Sorry Cat, replied to wrong message of yours (no matter, it keeps the numbers up I suppose!)
How long will you be gone? Will you give us a little heads-up on your return? We'll need some time to tidy things up, repair the damage, restock the pantry, bail the rowdies out of jail…..but don't you spend your holiday worrying about us, we'll be fine, we'll take care of everything……
Enjoy your time away – but hurry back. You will be missed.
West Cork weather report…
Can confirm the sun is blazing and the place looking pretty glorious. Down at Schull pier earlier and even the seals were doing a bit of sunbathing. Enjoy, and if I see you meandering over any hills promise not to do the 'pot-shots at tourists' thing 🙂
I will miss your posts grandad, however we all deserve a break, also want to add that Captain Ranty needs a little support at the mo, http://captainranty.com/blog-closure/
Enjoy the holiday and we look forward to your return lol 🙂
Enjoy your hols GD. Hurry back..
Stand not upon the manner of thy going but get thee gone. Have you contemplated the possibility that somebody, who might even be known to you, may try to raid your larder while you are away?
Geez, could you imagine taking a long drive with Grandad? I wonder what he's complaining about while driving.
GD would spend the entire trip arguing with the SATNAV. I doubt he would talk to anyone at all.
Hahahahahahaha! I hadn't thought of that. That's is exactly how the drive went. Herself sittting back, reading a book and having the occasional fag while Grandad argues with the SATNAV. 🙂
I'll bet its a running commentary on the drivers around him.
'You see yer man there, he's a prick. Here's why…'
Herself may well shoot herself if GD doesn't have his interweb to keep him busy!
Have a great chillaxing time my friend. I can't imagine you being interwebless. I have a condo at Daytona Beach the last week in June. Pop over !!
Can I come too TT? I'll pop over on me dinghy.. 🙂
Ok people, it looks like ol Grandad is gone on holiday. Check out this link for the first exclusive shot of himself on the beach !!!!!!
ha.. very tanned lookin' GD there Not Green
day 2 and we are only at comment 23 (+ this one 24), will we ever reach the goal of 500…my hope dwindles
Sure you can. The old man will need someone to push him. Don't tell 'erself though.
Being gone for a few weeks I wonder where he's going to get his "special blend" pipe tobacco?
Rumour has it there is a cold turkey in southern Ireland today…
As long as we are starting rumors, there is only one place where internet access is tightly restricted. GD is incarcerated. I don't on what charges or where he is being held, given his hobbies and proclivity for announcing his opinions on a number of topics it could be about anything.
They're probably holding him in a jail in West Cork!
He could be gone in for addiction treatment too, interweb addiction ?
Got the shakes this mornin'…..I think I'm having GD Withdrawal!
Anne's kidnapped him as her sex slave. Got him chained up in her cellar.
Do you think he wants to be rescued?…..;)
How did you guess tt!
He says hi. and he's learning all about real subjugation now. He didn't know what he was complaining about before.
Don't sit on his ……. pipe, whatever you do!
too late, NG
I believe he's actually gone off to have gender reassignment surgery… or so the cousins maid was telling the wifes friend down at the Lidl yesterday.
Appears he's being thinking about it for ages. Apparently he's had these thoughts ever since he was a small lad at school in Ennis – they lived there for a few years after the incident with the neighbours dog. So finally saved the money , cut back on the drink and the tobacco these last few years it seems, saved the money, got the word from the hospital and should be back in a few days….
… sorry, had to answer the phone. Another one of those indian lads trying to get me to change my electric supply. Jesus they never stop. What was I saying ?
Oh yeah. anyway the friend told the wife that he';s been thinking about it for years and finally got a chance to go get it done. It's a routine operation these days they say. I don't know i wouldn't like it myself.
He's been taking the breast tablets for about 2 years now. So she says. She saw him the once, by accident, she had to go back for her umbrella, saw him out the back at the shed.
Had to look twice she says. couldn't believe it…
'cuse me again…
God they never stop. Electric again. The whole of india must be working on the phones these days. Easy for them with the eight arms I say…
So. he was out the back at the shed and she stood there looking at him for a couple of minutes trying to figure out what was different.
Christ. there's the door . I'll be back in a minute…
……………. must have been
GrandadGrandma at the door!
I am going into hospital tomorrow for the opposite procedure to the one GD had. Mine's penile reduction.
Just stop taking the blue pills….
I wonder if he's on vacation at all. Maybe he didn't pay his internet bill and knew it was going to be turned off. Now he has to wait a few weeks before they will turn it back on.
oo maybe he's swiping power from the neighbours and the um..patch on the plugs went..
Does anybody here have a true ghost story to tell us?
Do magic mushrooms exist, and where?
Is it true that twins skip a generation?
Apart from carrigeen, are there any other sea plants in Ireland that can be cooked as food?
Can a man who undergoes a sex change operation ever conceive?
Are there any other questions which could stimulate this thread up to the goal of 500 posts?
Why can't you buy mouse flavoured cat food?
Would you feed a mouse to a catfish?
I have true ghost stories.
Why is it no matter who we vote for, the gubmint keep getting elected?
If you cross a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?
Yes, and when you cross a goat with a leek in a GM experiment you get a geek.
Yeahhh 50 posts!!!
Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
We drive on roads….much safer.
He will be celebrating today being "World Environment Day" somewhere if he hasn't fallen off his flat Earth..
You do realize with GD on vacation, business at the pub is down by 16%, Ireland is importing 8% less tobacco, due to a lack of supply certain "medicinal" herbs have risen 9.8% in price, and 47.6% of all statistics are made up.
………….. and the global warming is back!
Everybody is going ziplining today. Except me.
Urban dictionary tells me –
a sexual act where a girl waits and the guy runs, slides and enters, in a very straight line. (as in a zipline) It's a difficult act to maneuver, and only for the very talented. For the more adventurous, use props such as rollerblades, ice skates, or, in more extreme outdoor situations, an actual zipline.
Sounds a bit wild tt.. you''re better off.
Someone has been reading Roger's Profanisaurus.
Are we finished with the, "Where really is Grandad?" train of comments?
It appears so.
or here – http://westcorktimes.com/home/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Allihies.jpg
He's really around here somewhere – http://www.baltimoretownhouse.com/Images/baltimore_west_cork_walking%203.jpg
He might be here. http://ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4986784435995143&pid=15.1&H=106&W=160
Maybe they reopened the gaol on Spike Island for him?
GD disappears just as the NSA is reveled to have been spying on everyone's telephone calls and e-mails. Coincidence? I don't think so.
And the Bilderberg conference has been going on in an exclusive hotel in Watford, England. But Grandad would never be secretly invited to that kind of bash. Does Lismore Castle take chosen guests?
69 replies. Heh! Soixante muffty.
well we are up to 70 now this is 71… hope grandad appreciates the effort from our normally lax group.won't make 500 but yes i can see 100!
There's one very sinister aspect that maybe we have all been overlooking. The not so great and mighty EU are holding a G8 summit meeting next week in Enniskillen. Every effort is being made to put the best foot forward to give a makeover to the town, even wallpapering over derelict buildings, shopfronts etc. Maybe, just maybe these (unelected) "powers" that be have swept ole Grandad under the proverbial carpet for the duration to keep him quiet? Maybe, just maybe we have spun a yarn to throw us off the scent?
Apparently he was 'on stage' with David Icke at the Bilderburg bash. Turns out he was hiding some chap called Ben Fellowes in the deep south.
……………… maybe, just maybe, we should consider setting up a "FREE THE WICKLOW 1 CAMPAIGN" ?
He's definitely a "one."
Maybe GD was one of the dancers at the Tony Awards. He would have had to leave early to learn the routine and lets face it he is not as young as he once was and probably needs a while to recuperate.
If he doesn't surface in a couple of days I think we'd better be prepared to round up a possee and look for him. Here's something to get you motivated!
He's probably behind "bars" OK.
Think of a mishap while on holiday. Think of a meandering joyride along the twisting, dandelion and fuschia-garnered boreens [hey, enough of the poetic prose] in the green grassy fern-flagged mystique [cut out the hoary hackneyed alliteration wilya] of romantic wild West Cork [I thought that was long ago copyrighted by West Cork Tourist Corporation]. Anyways, the car ran over a wanderly hedgehog and a spike punctured the rear left tyre. The first motorist to happen upon the scene was an active member of The Irish Alliance to protect and venerate Endangered Hedgehogs. Tough cheese, as the rat said to the field mouse near the farmyard dustbin. An unpoetic altercation ensues as a tailback of half a dozen SUVs and clapped out station wagons clutters the boreen. Herself intervenes and informs the effusive articulate conservationist that making pointed comments on Grandad's driving skills is the sole prerogative of Herself. At which moment a Garda siochana proceeds to enquire as to the circumstances in which and whereby and wherefore etc etc. [the detailed tabulation is in his official notebook, which is an official secret under the Official Secrets Act that even the Bilderbergs and the CIA cannot access] – which so bemused Grandad that he proceeds to light his pipe, flicking the matchstick onto the ground, and proceeds to offer a scientifically detached disquisition on the idiocy of blocking President Higgins's public highway in such an officious manner. The flicking of the matchstick is interpreted by the Garda as a hostile act against the west corkonian environment and the authority of a uniformed, properly blueshirted member of the Preservers of Order. Whereupon Herself upbraids the Garda dor not wearing his tie straight…
[to be continued in post #157]
We know where he is. Oh yes we do!
Well we don't !!
We would like to set the record straight. We do not know where Grandad is and the President knew nothing about this until he read this blog for the first time just last night. That's our story and we're sticking to it.
Are youse sticking to ex-CIA whistleblower Edward Snowden in Hong Kong? Are youse going to lure him with shark fin soup and then feed him to the sharks?
The Los Angeles Police (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Ha! and then the NSA went in, noticed a few blades had been chewed, and concluded that rabbits must be WMD! yikes!
We disavow any knowledge of anyone named Grandad. We defer all questions to our Public Information Officer who is on paid leave until August and we reiterate that the President had no knowledge of this situation. He was golfing at the time.
Things are either deniable or unprintable. They are factual, fictional or or magically realist. If you operate in the manner of the Bilderbergs they are an ambivalence enclosed in a cover-up bubblewrapped in an Egyptian sphinx-like enigma. I think Lismore Castle, with its excellent trout fishing in the nearby River Blackwater, may be a key to unlock the phantasm. Does anybody believe in leprechauns?
Alternatively we don't know, but do we know that we don't know? Here is what top US government figure Donald Rumsfeld stated at NATO headquarters in Brussels in 2002 (that reverseable year was significant mathematically) :;
From a Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium, June 6, 2002
"Now what is the message there? The message is that there are no "knowns." There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns."
So stuff that in your pipes and smoke it.
jesus we're almost at 100 come on 94!
Ok so here's 94. Free The Wicklow One!
Sorry, 'twas Bridget from next door looking to see if I had any spare AA batteries for her rabbit. Her rabbit, she says. I'd like to see that – must be the strangest rabbit in Wicklow. Now where was I?
Oh yeah, she was out at the shed and saw him there. Something looked different she said, like he was carring a couple of lambs or puppies inside his jumper. He saw her there and without a word turned around and walked off.
It was only afterward she was thinking something looked odd. Typical of her, I say. I remember the time she went into the pub in Aughrim 'cos she had heard about the lad with the asses flute. Likes a bit of music she does but wasn't expecting to see what she saw that day. Brought tears to her eyes thinking about it. 12 old pennies she said, lined up side by side. Never to this day. Didn't get over it too if you ask me.
Shit, there's the phone again…
Whoever hits the ton deserves a bottle of poteen that Grandad brings back from 'a source' in the hills of West Cork.
I was a Ton-Up Pirate. I passed the cop doing 107mph on my Triumph and never got caught. I had a witness too. Today the kids go for a ton and a half with their Japanese crotch rockets.
107mph on a Triumph was better than any speed on a crotch rocket.
Summer of 2007 I'm riding along the highway with a friend riding a Ducati ST3 and we got cruising. I was side by side with him at 124mph. He shifted into 6th gear and walked away from me like I was standing still. My little Thruxton was flat out for everything it was worth.
LEMME OUT click here
Couple of more posts and aul GD might get a cheque from the President!
I meant click HERE
You've hit the ton NG, and the ton + 1 – and without the aid of a souped-up Harley Davidson. So you can confront Grandad on his return from exile and claim the prize of a bottle of 'the craytur'. If he has mislaid it, sniff around the car boot and claim a freshly poached 10-inch rainbow trout from the Blackwater. Bring your own big brown bag and yesterday's newspaper to wrap it in.
gulp………………… you mean ………………….. Grandad could be 'with the fishes' ???
I didn't say he was himself fishing. He, like all good journalists, has 'his sources' for things like the craytur or freshwater fish, when conducting journalistic investigations into topics that may be of public interest. And journalists, as a matter of professional policy, don't reveal their sources.
You don't think…..?
Nah, this one's too young!
Maybe GD got lost and ask a kindly gentleman for directions. In that case he maybe hopeless lost in a bog.
Nominations are open for the Irish Blog Awards 2013.
Go vote for Grandad.
I'll vote for the anarchists instead.
So what? We hit 100 comments and everyone stops commenting!
I'm too busy getting 'freethewickla1' tee shirts ready for the G* summit!!!!!!
Two weeks now. How long are they allowed to keep you for obsevation ?
As long as it takes….
I'll be done with him soon..
About another month or so..
I'm surprised he's still going. With the mileage on him, I thought you would have blown his …… head gasket… by now!
Ah no, he's still a go-er.. plenty mileage left there.. only starts clattering and spluttering when you push him too hard..
Just be careful on the rough stuff, that model has been known to have trouble with the big end at high mileage!!
Last chance to get your spokes in before he decides to put a sudden clamp on this wildcat thread…
If the thread gets shut down I think we can be fairly sure that there is some connection between the 'disappearance' of GD and the appearance of the political bigwigs at the Enniskillen summit. Anybody got Jim Corr's phone number?
FREE THE WICKLA 1
If I drag the cursor across his face behind bars he doesn't give a finger up sign. He is an imposter and I can't support your campaign. Release that whistleblowing fellow from the Ecuadorian embassy instead. Otherwise I'll shout for Barabbas.