Bad Shaaba
I have been chastised.
I have been admonished, castigated and [metaphorically] spanked on the bare bottom with the back of a hairbrush.
You see, I received another email from my personal Mentor, Spirit Guide and yes – my own personal Yoda.
I can’t quote the email in full because it contains the clause – “All information regarding SuperShadow is above TOP SECRET (classified at the highest level)” which presumably includes emails.
What I can say is that apparently I hold a special place in the future of this planet, as I have been chosen by the Jedi Council [who are not of this world].
“however communication between the peoples of the world will not be
directly with the jedi themselves, but each appointed region will elect a regional spokesperson who will be the intermediatery between the jedi councils and the people of that region.
these individual will be know as the 'shaaba' for that region. these shaabas will be the likes of yourself ie those who have a following of some kind ie bloggers, general spokespeople.”
So there you have it – I am one of the chosen few.
However [and isn’t there always an “however”?] there is a problem.
Apparently I am a Bad Shaaba, and I have to mend my ways.
For a start, I have been severely scolded for my treatment of that bloke I sent up to the bogs the other day.
“once again grandad you have shown yourself to have little regard for the safety of others.
i refer to your communication with the gentleman who was looking for directions from you.
first of all lets just disregard the fact that he may never have made it to the city and starved in the mountains.
At the very least he was driving around aimlessly which meant you had forced him to increase his carbon footprint against his own wishes. Its well documented what climate change is doing to other parts of the world. it is incumbent upon every citizen to keep this in mind even when giving directions.”
Now it never occurred to me that I might have been increasing anyone’s carbon footprint, and for that I am humbly and truly sorry. In future, I shall desist from sending people up to the tops of the mountains and shall instead direct them down The Old Quarry Road which, after a bend in the road ceases to exist, so unwary drivers run the risk of doing a Thelma and Louise off the top of the cliff into the bottom of the quarry fifty feet below. They therefore cease to have any carbon footprint at all which surely is a good thing?
He also takes exception to my “other pieces making derogatory comments abouts civil servants and members of parliament”.
He has a point there and I must endeavour to improve my treatment of those self serving, trough feeding, power hungry, interfering cunts.
So there you have it.
I am a Bad Shaaba, and I have to become a Good Shaaba.
But I’m not quite sure how I go about that.
Any ideas?
Shaaba? Sounds Yiddish to me. You been for the snip GD ?
If it involves the snip, the Jedi Council can go fuck themselves, and the world will have to somehow make do without my leadership.
As a bad Shaaba you where to ritually disembowel yourself with a light saber. However we have not yet invented light sabers so go annoy yourself with a flashlight. (yes I stole it from Dilbert, Scott Adams doesn't read your blog, does he…)
The confusion about Jedis, Jews, and circumcision came about when an unnamed padawn put his light saber in his pocket and accidently turned it on. How he did that when they have not been invented I am not sure.
OK … I tried disemboweling myself with a hand lamp but only succeeded in discovering a load of naval fluff. [Why is naval fluff always blue?]
I normally carry a penknife in my pocket. You have just given me a good reason to quit this habit.
This is serious news. You must move at once to somewhere safe, taking all your family with you. Protection and a new identity can be provided.
Alternatively, behave normally and tell them to go fuck themselves. If you need assistance with this, there are a great many people out here who appreciate your views. We could all come to a barbeque at your manor to show solidarity and drink your beer. Don't let the bastards…….
While I appreciate your vote of solidarity, you can damn well bring your own beer.
"I am a Bad Shaaba, and I have to become a Good Shaaba
But I’m not quite sure how I go about that.
Any ideas?"
Oh lots of ideas GD. Lots more spanking and not with a hard brush.
I reckon a few hundred swats with a good hard paddle would do the trick, until you've seem the error of your ways.. you bad shaaba you.
Wasn't there a rapper 'Shaaba Ranks' who sang ' Mr.Loverman'?
Shaaba spanks.. haha
That all sounds a little outside te realm of Jedi philosophy? Are they into the kinky stuff? Mind you – yer man Darth Whatsit obviously liked weird dressing up?
More like the Queen of Shaaba
Freddie from the planet Mercury?
The blog won't be worth reading if you clean up the act!!!!!
We must all make sacrifices if I am to be Leader of Men.
"I am a Bad Shaaba, and I have to become a Good Shaaba
But I’m not quite sure how I go about that.
Any ideas?"
You must use the Force Grandad, the Force is obviously with you.
The only time the Force is with me is when Sheriff comes knocking on the door, and he hasn't been around lately.
Get out the WD-40 again and give yer aura a good auld spray of it, that'll sort ya!
Is there anything WD-40 can't do?
Join the Shaaba forum and become one of the enlightened?
🙂
Dammit but their handwriting is worse than mine, and that is really saying something.
May the force be with you. Avoid gurus, shrinks and wanderly soothsayers. Madam Blavatsky led W.B.Yeats and a lot of Victorian intellectuals by the nose – and she got paid handsomely for it.
But what do you do when your guru/Yoda insists on following you around anyway?