I have been chastised.
I have been admonished, castigated and [metaphorically] spanked on the bare bottom with the back of a hairbrush.
You see, I received another email from my personal Mentor, Spirit Guide and yes – my own personal Yoda.
I can’t quote the email in full because it contains the clause – “All information regarding SuperShadow is above TOP SECRET (classified at the highest level)” which presumably includes emails.
What I can say is that apparently I hold a special place in the future of this planet, as I have been chosen by the Jedi Council [who are not of this world].
“however communication between the peoples of the world will not be
directly with the jedi themselves, but each appointed region will elect a regional spokesperson who will be the intermediatery between the jedi councils and the people of that region.
these individual will be know as the 'shaaba' for that region. these shaabas will be the likes of yourself ie those who have a following of some kind ie bloggers, general spokespeople.”
So there you have it – I am one of the chosen few.
However [and isn’t there always an “however”?] there is a problem.
Apparently I am a Bad Shaaba, and I have to mend my ways.
For a start, I have been severely scolded for my treatment of that bloke I sent up to the bogs the other day.
“once again grandad you have shown yourself to have little regard for the safety of others.
i refer to your communication with the gentleman who was looking for directions from you.
first of all lets just disregard the fact that he may never have made it to the city and starved in the mountains.
At the very least he was driving around aimlessly which meant you had forced him to increase his carbon footprint against his own wishes. Its well documented what climate change is doing to other parts of the world. it is incumbent upon every citizen to keep this in mind even when giving directions.”
Now it never occurred to me that I might have been increasing anyone’s carbon footprint, and for that I am humbly and truly sorry. In future, I shall desist from sending people up to the tops of the mountains and shall instead direct them down The Old Quarry Road which, after a bend in the road ceases to exist, so unwary drivers run the risk of doing a Thelma and Louise off the top of the cliff into the bottom of the quarry fifty feet below. They therefore cease to have any carbon footprint at all which surely is a good thing?
He also takes exception to my “other pieces making derogatory comments abouts civil servants and members of parliament”.
He has a point there and I must endeavour to improve my treatment of those self serving, trough feeding, power hungry, interfering cunts.
So there you have it.
I am a Bad Shaaba, and I have to become a Good Shaaba.
But I’m not quite sure how I go about that.