I switched on my laptop this morning.
The fucking thing sounded like a Sikorsky on full take-off power.
I switched it off and on again.
This time it sounded like a Sikorsky on full take-off power only with a five ton load on board.
Fuck and bollox!
I gave it a really good shake.
I kicked it.
Fuck, bollox and shit!
I know enough about things to know that it’s the fan that has gone wonky. I also know enough that if the fan fails, the whole shagging laptop will melt, or at least the vital parts anyway.
I started doing a backup of the disk, just in case. I do regular backups but it’s a couple of weeks since the last one, and my genius deserves to be preserved for posterity, even two weeks worth. Now doing a backup is a pain in the hole because we are talking about 100Gb here. That takes time.
Now I was in a quandary. Do I try and fix it? Do I try to get someone else to fix it? Do I buy a new one altogether?
I pondered the first option but dismissed it, as one has to be proficient in the Black Arts to even take the back off a laptop. Why do they make it so fucking awkward? Why can’t they just arrange it that I remove a few screws and the back comes off? Fuck that.
That left me with the option of paying for a repair or buying a new one. Bugger! Expensive.
I had a look around some web sites and found a few laptops that would suit, apart from the fact that they all had piddley screens and were horrendously expensive. I decided I like the yoke I have because it has a decent big screen, reasonable memory, a tolerable hard disk and a fucking shite keyboard.
I phoned a few places to see what it would cost to fix. The first two had gone out of business but the third [and last] place sounded very helpful. He even suggested that I might not need a new fan as he knew precisely where to kick it to make it work. As he was talking I realised that the laptop has ceased its racket and was whispering along in its usual quiet manner. I thanked the bloke for fixing it and hung up.
Now I have a problem. Do I just forget about the whole thing and put it down to a moment’s aberration, or do I send it off to get it fixed? Is it going to go wonky again or has it shot its load and decided to behave?
And then to cap off a perfect fucking morning, Penny got sick on my bed.