A letter from the NHS
A very busy day today.
However I had to break the good news so here I am.
I received a mail today from the British NHS which is a little unusual to say the least. Why would they be writing to me? What is more intriguing is that the mail comes from the Secretary of State for Health, the Right Hon Jeremy Hunt himself.
Ministerial Correspondence and Public N H S Unit
Department of Health
London SW1A 2NS
I am Hon Jeremy Hunt President Of The National Health Service,(N H S) We are responsible for supporting ministers in accounting to the public and Parliament. Public trust in the democratic process and in information provided by the Government is very important and it is vital that ministers give accurate and truthful information to Parliament and to the public.
This Is to inform you that the NHS has Awarded $150,000 00,USD to you personally for your health condition,reply for details and claim:EMAIL: email@example.com.
Now I am very flattered that the Right Hon should take the time to write to me personally, and even more flattered that he thinks my “health condition” warrants a large cash donation. Unfortunately he omits to mention what precisely what that “health condition” is which worries me a bit. Does he know something that I don’t?
I do however have some little concerns. Mere niggles, but concerns nevertheless.
Why is the Right Hon willing to pay be out of the NHS coffers when I don’t even live in the UK?
Does Charterhouse School really produce graduate students with such an appalling grasp of grammar and punctuation?
Why does the Right Hon want to pay me in US dollars?
Is the NHS so amateur that they haven’t got around to setting up proper email accounts and have to rely on Google?
Most mysterious of all, why does he give his address as London SW1A 2NS when he is actually writing from Depok in Indonesia, which as far as I know isn’t in London at all, or indeed anywhere near that corner of the UK?
I think if I were a Charterhouse teacher, my comment would be
“must do better next time, Mister Hunt”.
you never fail to make me smile
I confess to indulging in a wee smirk myself when I read that mail. Heh!
That, PRESIDENT of the NHS, what is he like eh?
Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire (and Spud-u-like)
He knows I wouldn't respond to anyone less.
Money attracts more money.. isn't that right moneybags? 🙂
If I'm such a great moneybags then lend me €100,000 and I'll show you how to invest it. 😈
The President of the World Bank sent me an email last week – I was also worried by the command of English on the part of a senior international official!
I bet he had a Gmail account too!
I think you have become a lucky winner in the UK overseas aid lottery. As you are no doubt aware the Uk government have taken a lot of stick recently for granting overseas aid to places like India (to help their space exploration) and to various African states (where it buys posh cars for unelected dictators).
It would appear that this aid is being stopped but they are pledged to give away the money, so they have teamed up with the Euro lottery to award the money to the deserving poor of Europe and you have been picked as winner!
Anyhow, as you are not in the UK you will no doubt need an agent to arrange the cash transfer, I suggest you send me a small sum, lets say 10,000 euro should be enough to cover initial expenses, and I will persue the matter on your behalf.
Back to reality – actually that's a new twist on the scam emails.
I actually had quite a clever one a week or so ago – supposedly from a couple who had won the UK lottery. It even included a link to Sky News showing them celebrating their win and promising lots to charities. The mail informed me I was one of the chosen few and even the mail address looked almost genuine.
I think this letter comes from the same source that promises to make my willie about 16 inches long.
Wifey got a letter from the NHS offering her a breast screen. She is allegedly in the age area where such things as breast cancer are allegedly more prevalent. However the accompanying booklet, for it was a booklet not a leaflet, amounted to a 'if we fuck up it isn't our fault even if we miss something that later kills you' dissertation so she burned the letter and the booklet.
Next came another letter informing her that the appointment they had set for her was canceled and would be re-arranged for a future date. Trouble is this letter arrived a fortnight after said original appointment date!
that too ended up in the fire after a range of expletives that would make a matelot blush.
Finally a third one turned up informing her that as she hadn't attended the original appointment the NHS would arrange another for her if she got in touch with them. Just the single expletive this time 'fucking idots' if memory served as this third letter hit the fire.
Scams from the NHS come in many forms.