Higgs Boson and Burglars
I am not in the best of moods today.
And when I say not in the best, I mean reeeely not in the best.
I was pottering around the Interweb last night and I received an email.
It was one of those emails from the site itself, warning me that someone was trying to break in. It’s my own little burglar alarm. Unlike a normal burglary though, I can’t go around and beat the shite out of the burglar because by the time I have received the mail, the fucker has gone.
So I checked all the doors and windows and then set about banning the fucker to the Underworld, should he ever come back.
Then I got another mail.
Another fucking would-be hacker.
By the time I went to bed, I had received several more of these notifications so I locked down the site and and left it.
This morning there was a whole clatter of mails all informing me of attempted breakins. What in the name of steaming fuck is going on? Why am I suddenly flavour of the month? Why pick on me when there are so many other sites around?
I thought it might be the gubmint or the CIA, but all the attacks seem to be coming from Italy or Spain. Cunts. I hope their countries go bust.
I did a search on the Interweb to see if some twat had posted a notice to the effect “let’s get Grandad” but there was nothing. I did find a whole load of other things though. Apparently the Computer Department of UCD included this site in some study they did on Interweb Social Interaction or some such shite. The fuckers never asked my permission though. Bastards.
So now I have to spend the day locking all these hackers out.
I could be doing much more interesting things.
Like searching the garden to see if I have any Higgs Boson Particles lying around.
At least now I know what they look like
Tis the cost of fame I’m afraid. Besides, looking for a random Higgs Boson Particle in your garden might be a bit frustrating to say the least. With the average life span of one of those particles you’d have to look damn quick. I wonder if they’re annual or perennial?
Cheer up GD – Italy and Spain are already bust.
Just like Ireland!!
Kirk M – The site ain’t that popular! I think I found a Higgs Boson near my rubbish tip. Are they about a foot long with grey fur, a pointy nose [with whiskers] and a long hairless tail?
Mossy – In that case I hope they go buster.
What do the hackers want ?
tt – A size 12 steel-capped boot in the nuts. I dunno. They just want to get into the site to write something, I suppose. Maybe I should let them? It would save me the bother.
Are they after all the money in your donation kitty ?
or my Dog’s Bollox award?
I am Cerntain of it.
I thought you needed a Black Hole machine like Cerns to see the auld Higgs Boson?
Maybe you could give the hackers a spin in it
Are you SURE it wasn’t the CIA? They’re conspicuous by their absence………
Oh we’re here. We’re always here. We’ve been monitoring the attempted hacking but it’s outside of our sphere of influence.
Lafsword – You mean, spin ’em around so fast they vanish up their own arses? Worth a try…..
Meltiemian – Unfortunately they are always here. But when they say it’s outside their sphere of influence, what they are really saying is that it is way outside their sphere of expertise. Anything that doesn’t have written instructions printed all over it utterly confuses them. Heh!
Maybe they were looking for that undoubted God-like element that you bring to living. Mind you, you only had hackers last night. I had a riot squad outside my door at 2,30am, ordering my herd into the streets due to a bomb at the local boozer. One wag has already speculated that a live explosive device in Mayfield can mean only one thing.
ROY KEANE !!!!!
Panic over a live explosive device in Mayfield? I find that hard to believe. Surely it’s an everyday occurrence?
Grandad, Grandad !! Just where did I suggest that anyone was panicking about an ould explosive device. The panic was the Garda knock at 2.30am. This is known as re-assuring community policing in other areas, in Mayfield, it’s a raid.
Innocence is no defense up here. Mind you, the “Shit end of Cypress”, on the other side of the bomb, went untroubled by the blue light brigade. It was just the decent respectable types who were discommoded. After all, heaping a riot on top of a busy bomb squad, is no way to run City Hall.
Ah yes! I can imaging a knock from the boys in blue could cause a few hearts to flutter in Mayfield. I knew a woman who lived in Skobieville [the East Coast equivalent of Mayfield?] who said she couldn’t sleep without the sound of breaking glass. She was constantly on the scrounge for money as she had to replace the front door yet again. Damned cops were always breaking the old door down.