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The return of Bertie

Head Rambles Posted on by

We used to have a regular visitor here at The Manor.

A heron used to come and rob all the fish in the lake.  Cheeky bastard.

I christened him Bertie Aheron as there was a certain similarity in the beady eyes and the sneaky approach to life.

I haven’t seen him in a very long time and I sometimes wonder what happened to the thieving duplicitous little cunt.  I also wonder what happened to the heron.

I was up at the crack of dawn this morning [it may even have been as early as ten thirty] and the first thing I saw out the window was Bertie [Aheron, not the other little shit].  He was standing there in the middle of the grass looking somewhat frustrated.  And well he might, as I got tired of restocking the lake ages ago, so the only thing he’ll find in it now are some snails and an old supermarket trolley.  A lake isn’t a proper lake without a supermarket trolley.

I presume he was a descendent of the original Bertie, as I believe they have a lifespan of only five years. 

I managed to shoot him.

Unfortunately I didn’t have the rifle to hand [why can you never find a rifle when you most need it?] so I shot him with a camera instead.

Bertie Aheron

That is a magnificent specimen of Ardea cinerea?

What the camera failed to capture was another magnificent specimen – Canis Sandii – who was at that moment travelling in the direction of the heron at about 150 miles per hour.

It was the fastest fucking take-off I have ever seen.

Anyone want some heron feathers?

 

Comments

The return of Bertie — 19 Comments

  2. The stork only ever paid one visit to this house and that was over thirty years ago.  He is buried out the back by the bins,

    .

  4. Cat – Sorry!  It’s just an out of focus bush.  Sandy is still some feet away.  Actually, I snapped the photograph in a great hurry so the settings are all wrong.  Not one of my better efforts.

  5. It could be the same bird. Green (or grey in Ireland heh!) herons can live to 20+ years. Mind, not with Sandy stressing him out like that.
    ”

    “I sometimes wonder what happened to the thieving duplicitous little cunt. I also wonder what happened to the heron” CLASSIC GD !

  6. Maybe it is the same one?  He must have forgotten about Sandy.  There are two things that drive Sandy into a frenzy – herons and American tourists.  A discerning dog…..

  8. He is a shit inspector if he thinks the lake is my septic tank.  That’s the other side of the estate.

  9. To have lost an elephant is unfeckin’believable to misplace a heron and mistake it for a stork is unfeckin’fuckin’believably careless.
    Didn’t by any chance check the fridge for elepant foot prints in the butter, didja?
    Come to think of it, the only way that tt (fia) could get a hard-on would be to spend an hour in the icebox.

  10. “…I was up at the crack of dawn this morning…”
    Capital D please GD, if that’s the same Dawn I think it is.
    And an out of focus bush !  My god, you’re really setting the bar at a new level these days.
     
    I’ll leave you back to your camera.

  11. Patrick – Anyone can lose an elephant.  Even you have to admit that?   However, that is the only item to become displaced.  The rest come and go as they please.

    snookertony – I got into the habit of non-capitalising names after TT tt implied I was doing things the wrong way.  I doubt if dawn was offended anyway.  As for raising the bar – surely we all like a challenge?

  13. Dress Sandy up as a fish tomorrow for a laugh and put him out in the garden. Mr Heron would go off his dinner in a feckin’ hurry if fish started barking at him.

  16. “…and American tourists”? I’ll make sure to brush up on my accent before I come visit  then, shall I? I’ve already got the angry, ornery, frustrated, ready to explode at a moment’s notice bit down pat. It comes natural you know. 😉

  18. “When will I ever learn?”  They say it’s never too late to learn, but I have my doubts about that sometimes.

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