Putting out the welcome mat — 17 Comments

  1. “Your honour, I am outraged that you have accused me of carrying out such a heinous act as to deliberately drag a tv licence inspector across the threshold just so I could stick a knife in his chest and plead the fifth amendment on self defense. “If you prick us, do we not bleed?” Indeed, I feared that he was going to “prick” me, your grace. Your majesty, I will give you my final offer, and that is to plead insanity… That TV Licence Inspector was insane to have knocked on my door in the first place.” 

    I have always felt comfortable with the idea of citing article 51 of the UN Charter in cases like this anyway. 

  2. Here in Pennsylvania we have always had the “Castle Doctrine”.  In your home if you perceive a threat of bodily injury to you or others you have the right to use deadly force.  Just recently our state has extended this to outside the home as well.  There is no longer a “duty to retreat”.  If you feel threatened and feel it will harm you or others then you have the right to splatter their brains all over the sidewalk.  As it should be.
    Your new law is a step in the right direction but I’m afraid that the “reasonable force” requirement will be used to deter people from using deadly force.  So when someone breaks into your house you’ll be expected to feed them milk and cookies instead of ending their miserable existence or something similar.

  3. Ha! Son, since when did you need a law to to…well…assist a few tourists on their way? The only thing I would do – were I in your bloody gumboots – would see to it the law was retroactive to..what? About 8 years past?

    ; ‘    )

  4. Gammagoblin – The problem with Article 51 is it talks about “armed attack”.  I presume it’s reasonable to assume that a biro is a lethal weapon, but the new law is unambiguous – I can dispatch anyone who is attacking me or my property.  And my bank account is without doubt my property?

    Brianf – Sure you lot will shoot anything that moves and then claim the right to bear arms!  Our new law does in fact allow for “lethal force”.  It was brought in because a farmer dispatched a knacker who seemed to think he had a right to rob the farmer.  Both barrels!  Heh!  😈

    Doc – The advantage of this law is that it extends my possibilities beyond mere tourists.  Anyone is now fair game [and I use the word “game” advisedly].  As for retroaction, I will plead that anything which is right and moral now must always have been right and moral.  Morality is a constant.

  5. I can’t wait until the day The TD’s come acalling for votes. By Jazuz I’m gonna roast the fuckers.
    You would be amazed what I can do with the BBQ turned up full.

  6. Slab – A barbeque on full afterburners is a sight to behold all right.

    TT – Damn!  You’re right.  I’ll have to find a way of safeguarding Sandy.

  7. I wish to christ that we had such a law in the UK ..

    Along with the excellent one you have on making trespass a criminal offence ..

    But given the milk-sop attitude of the Westminster goons, I won’t be holding my breath ..

  8. Hope you have ‘protected’ the sanctitiy of your septic tank from the proposed Sh!t Inspectors?

  9. There’ll be dead evangelists carpeting the doorways of Ireland before long. I applaud this legislation.

  10. Careful – if you stab someone in the back and that someone isn’t carrying any weapons, you could still be done in for using “unreasonable force”. Although; my guess is that a judge/jury will always tend to side with the homeowner, rather than the intruder. There’s not a lot of sympathy for those types.

  11. Haddock – It’s not often that we have something here that causes envy.  Usually it’s the other way around.  Maybe you lot will follow suit like they did with the smoking ban?

    Not Green – I reserve the right to dispatch the septic tank inspectors in the most appropriate way possible.  😈

    Cat – Phone in advance, and then enter The Manor with your hands on your head.  backwards.  You’ll be fine.  I hope.

    Con – And just wait ’til the next general election!   Mwaaahahahahaha!

  12. Gif – Welcome! I could always claim I thought the intruder was a kick-boxing expert?  Or how was I to know they didn’t have a concealed weapon?

  13. Article 51 is it talks about “armed attack”

    sure they could be wearing exploding underwear, 
    and them pert breasts yer wan has could be semtex implants
    using the Airport ideas of threat and “armed attack”, its open-ended


  14. All TV licence inspectors carry WMDs, it’s a known fact. David Kelly will testify to that… well, he would have.

  15. Anyone who approaches this house with any demand for money is intent on damaging my bank account so that is fair game under the terms of the law.

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