Me: Howya God!
God: Howya Grandad.
Me: It’s been a while?
God: Has it? I wouldn’t know as time means nothing to me.
Me: I have a wee question.
Me: Does it bother you at all if I don’t believe in you?
God: Not in the slightest. There are plenty who do.
Me: I once heard a vicious rumour that any time someone stops believing in you, you consign a cute fluffy kitten to the fires of Hell.
God: Indeed I do.
Me: Aren’t you supposed to be an all loving God? That doesn’t exactly fit in with chucking cute fluffy kittens into the fire?
God: I’m all loving all right, but I just don’t like kittens.
Me: so if I start believing in you again, you will save a cute fluffy kitten from The Eternal Flame?
God: No chance. Once those fuckers go in, they stay in.
Me: What happens if you stop believing in me?
Bright flash. Loud bang.
Disembodied voice: OY!
Bright flash loud bang.
Me: That wasn’t funny.
God: Wasn’t it? I thought it was.
Me: that’s the trouble with you – you never play fair. You can never resist pulling one of your fancy stunts.
God: I have the power. It would be a shame not to use it.
Me: And you wonder why I don’t stop for a chat too often………..