Emails and phonecalls
It’s a strange world.
Since I started this site, I never quite know what is going to turn up in my email thingy.
I had a very chatty email from an Irish company this morning. They thanked me for my patience, and wondered if I could write back to the with my address and phone number as they wanted to update their records. This was all well and good, but I had never heard of the fuckers. They can go whistle.
Then I got another mail from another Irish crowd who are very excited about some video or other that has “gone viral” and they wanted me to write about it. I had a look at their precious video and all I can say about it is that is fucking woeful! I haven’t a clue what it was about and didn’t wait ‘til the end to find out. I have better things to be doing with my time.
I get a lot of requests for links to web sites. If I haven’t discovered a site off my own bat then it isn’t going to appear on mine, even if they do ask me nicely, which they rarely do. They also can go fuck themselves.
Sometimes, but not often, I get a mail offering me some product to try and then write about. What the fuck do they think I am? “Which” magazine? I wouldn’t mind if it were a car or tobacco or even a crate or two of whiskey but it is nearly always something fucking useless like incontinence pads or ski-goggles. They also can wait for a reply that just ain’t going to appear.
Today, yet another mail arrived from a company saying that they had found my site and they liked it [always a good start] and would like to phone me to talk about a documentary they are doing about the older generation. I actually responded to that one, which [I may add] is very unusual for me.
They phoned me.
As usual, my instincts were correct.
I can think of worse ways of passing a wet Monday afternoon than sitting chatting to a sexy voice on the telephone.
She wants to meet with me too.
Now how am I going to square that with Herself and Sharon?
Life is an endless string of problems.
GD…Beware, your new found telephone friend(s) just want your body or your money. How the hell did they get your phone number, anyway. Oh, I just reread the blog..You called them! You will need a good excuse this time!
Grab whilst the grabbings good Grandad ..
As part of your agreement to meet this sexy-voiced siren (however grim she might look in the flesh) ..
Insist on her treating you to a top-notch lunch somewhere very expensive .. with both pre & post-lunch drinks ..
And a car to collect & return you home (hopefully in a suitable state of inebriation) ..
Then tell her to blow it out of her arse ..
Thus disproving the theory that there’s no such thing as a free lunch .. I’m sure whoever she works for can afford it ..
And if you’re gonna be in the ordure with herself anyway .. You might as well be hung for a sheep, as a lamb .. 😉
I agree with Willie. If you do meet her, don’t keep your money on your body. !
Just remember that a womans looks are inversely proportional to her sexy voice.
Lucky bugger. All I get are seo companies telling me that my one of my shop sites cannot be found in Google (lying bastards) and for a fee they will make the problem go away. Well them and the Chinese stainless steel wire companies who assume a site selling Chinese parasols would be one which would be interested in stainless steel wire!
I receive a fair number of weird e-mails as well, although most of them are deleted immediately without me even bothering to open them. I wouldn’t mind if they wanted to give me a decent product to review, but yeah, it always is crap. The Grim Reaper does not have any use for tampons, for example. The people who sent me that email really didn’t do their research.
None of them ever offer to pay me for agreeing to publicise them either, so they can also go fuck themselves with rusty spades.
As an avid skier with pee dribbling down my snow pants, I must object to “fucking useless like incontinence pads or ski-goggles.”
Will you link my new blog? Pretty please? http://rhodester.com
By the way, I checked and that lady IS attractive! She’s ready to meet you now – http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/nS9MiqeD-T5kqcgHw-c0sw?feat=directlink
Willie – I’m always open for a bit of an adventure.
Haddock – Not a bad idea. I must take a look at the local hotels to find which are still in business and which is the most expensive. No harm in trying?
John – You’re a cynical bugger. You lot just don’t know how to treat women.
Brianf- You’re still annoyed about that station announcer you dated. Aren’t you? Heh!
Bill – Did you ever notice that these people who reckon they can put you at the top of the search rankings never rank anywhere themselves? Bloody hell! I could probably do better than any of ’em!
Grim – Maybe we should start charging them for opening their fecking mails? After all, if the banks can do it …… ??
RhodesTer – Of course I will link to you new site. That will be €100 please? I like the look of Yer Wan – my kind of gal, as they say.
What the hell is €100? Is that some sort of Irish money? I don’t have any Irish money around here, we only deal in the good ol’ American dollar, which is clean and hasn’t any blood stains on it.
*Sigh* €100 is roughly equal to $500. A bank draft is acceptable.
Hey GD….for the price of a bottle of Cutty Sark, about 10 eu, I’ll link you to my site. Probably it won’t get you many hits, though.
One way to deal with callers once you realize they want to sell you something is to suddenly say “Someone’s ringing my doorbell, hold on.” Then you boil up the kettle and make a cuppa, or go to the loo for a refreshing crap…leaving the receiver unattended on your desk all that while. That’ll waste their time and phone money.
Did you ever get a phone call from a guy claiming to be from the excise saying he wanted to visit your home and test the whiskey and vodka bottles to make sure that the manufacturers haven’t illegally diluted the merchandise? Neither have I, but I’m waiting to slam the door on any phony expert who tries that dodge.
“Now how am I going to square that with Herself and Sharon?”
Easy answer that one. Do like I always do and lie !