So this is Positive Ageing Week, is it?
I have been trying to find out exactly what the fuck Positive Ageing Week is, but I’m none the wiser.
"The central aim of Positive Ageing Week is to celebrate the fact that we are all growing older, and that ageing is something to be celebrated, rather than feared."
What the fuck?
How can you celebrate the inevitable? That’s like celebrating the fact that tomorrow is Tuesday.
And what this shite about fearing growing old? What is there to fear? Would you rather the alternative? OK, so once you get to my age you start to dismiss ideas of climbing Mount Everest, but who the fuck want to do that anyway? It’s overrated in my opinion.
Being old is pretty much the same as being young, only more fun. Being old means that your drug dealer is more likely to be found in a pharmacy and not a street corner. Being old means not having to show respect for anyone because you are now the one demanding respect. Being old means you can watch your favourite film time and time again, because you can never remember how it ends. Being old means you can legitimately bore the arse off people telling them how good the Good Old Days were. They never listen, but it’s fun watching them squirm.
I like being the age I am. If I had known it was going to be this good, I would have come here earlier. There is no way I would want to go back and be young again. If I were given the opportunity to be twenty again, I would dismiss it with a casual wave of the hand. Who the fuck wants to be young? All those years of work and drudgery ahead? Having a millstone of a mortgage to look forward to? Having to listen to all that utter crap they call music these days? No thanks. I’ll stick where I am, thanks very much.
I’m going to make the most of this week.
I will barge to the head of the queue and if anyone complains, I will point out that it’s Positive Ageing Week.
When I get to the head of the queue, I shall insist on paying with small change, which I shall count out as slowly as possible. It’s Positive Ageing Week so the queue can fucking wait.
I shall demand pensioners discounts on everything including my newspaper and tobacco.
I still don’t know what Positive Ageing Week is.
But I’m going to fucking enjoy it.