I was watching a programme on television last night and I saw something that disgusted and horrified me.
Yes, dear readers, it was similar to the photograph above.
Isn’t that horrifying?
Isn’t that disgusting?
After months of trying to quit, I took one look at that image and was hooked again.
I am ashamed of myself, but first thing in the morning I will be off to the village to satisfy my cravings that were reignited by that ghastly image which is now forever burned into my eyes.
I am back on the lipstick.
Lipstick use is the leading cause of death and preventable disease today. In this country alone, statistics prove that approximately 423,981 women die from lipstick use each year.
Lipstick is known to contain over 3,872 different carcinogens and its wearers must be confined to the streets where they belong. In a civilised society there is no place for the lipstick wearer.
Lipstick must be banned for all our sakes. Before that though, steps must be taken to keep our children safe. Lipstick must be heavily taxed, as higher prices are a proven way to reduce consumption. Lipstick must be hidden from public view in all shops. Films containing women who wear lipstick must be X rated and never shown on television.
Of course the dangers of second hand lipstick are well documented. Drinking from a cup or glass that is tainted with the stuff is tantamount to putting a loaded revolver in your mouth and pulling the trigger. Kissing a person who is wearing lipstick can shorten your life by over ten years. It is estimated 80,002 men die an agonising death each year from kissing women who wear lipstick.
I know I am weak willed for returning to this loathsome habit, but it is a known fact that lipstick is twenty times more addictive than heroin.
Horrific child abuse
I am doomed.
Not to mention that lipstick is made out of fish scales and therefore is damaging to the sustainability and viability of our fish stocks etc. etc. etc.
Every time a woman (or man) applies lipstick a school of herring is needlessly slaughtered.
I’m getting good at this sarcasm I think.
So what colour are you currently wearing ?
Oh, and would you ever please fix the spell checker. We don’t speak (or spell) the ‘Merican version on this side of the Atlantic.
Robert – It is truly an evil product. And don’t forget to think about the children!
Mossy – “Kissme Pink”. American spellings? WHERE? *throws hands up in horror*
I prefer the glossy Ruby Red myself.
And, when I type colour it wants me to spell it color !! So there.
I can’t wear red – it clashes with my eyeballs. And as for the spellchecker… tough shit. Nothing to do with me.
You just can’t help yourself, can you ?
No. Terrible, isn’t it?
And as for the spellchecker… tough shit. Nothing to do with me.
Typical ! That’s the problem with the world these days.
No one cares.
I’m off to sulk and cry.
I was being treated for a sexually transmitted disease until the hospital discovered it was sacond hand lipstick…
I’m pretty sure I can see through this subterfuge ! You’re back to your old games under a new tent but I think I’ve sussed you out. Lipstick is just a code word for that other word that your loyal interventionists have been begging you turn your back on . Admit it and move on like the wise old git you are.
Mossy – There there. Mammy will look after you.
King’s Nard – Nearly a nasty case of Galloping Knob-rot? Hope hey discovered the mistake prior to surgery?
Paulo – Nothing gets past you. Does it? 😉
I gave up lipstick 3 years ago.
Though I am tempted to start back up anytime I am out on the town, I know I must continue to go without for the good of myself and of the whole of society.
I miss you Chilled Champagne but you were killing me.
If they are still around, I apologize to all the men whose lives I’ve shortened.
(Be nice Gd.)