I was watching a programme on television last night and I saw something that disgusted and horrified me.

Yes, dear readers, it was similar to the photograph above.

Isn’t that horrifying?

Isn’t that disgusting?

After months of trying to quit, I took one look at that image and was hooked again.

I am ashamed of myself, but first thing in the morning I will be off to the village to satisfy my cravings that were reignited by that ghastly image which is now forever burned into my eyes.

Yes.

I am back on the lipstick.

Lipstick use is the leading cause of death and preventable disease today.  In this country alone, statistics prove that approximately 423,981 women die from lipstick use each year.

Lipstick is known to contain over 3,872 different carcinogens and its wearers must be confined to the streets where they belong.  In a civilised society there is no place for the lipstick wearer.

Lipstick must be banned for all our sakes.  Before that though, steps must be taken to keep our children safe.  Lipstick must be heavily taxed, as higher prices are a proven way to reduce consumption.  Lipstick must be hidden from public view in all shops.  Films containing women who wear lipstick must be X rated and never shown on television.

Of course the dangers of second hand lipstick are well documented.  Drinking from a cup or glass that is tainted with the stuff is tantamount to putting a loaded revolver in your mouth and pulling the trigger.  Kissing a person who is wearing lipstick can shorten your life by over ten years.  It is estimated 80,002 men die an agonising death each year from kissing women who wear lipstick. 

I know I am weak willed for returning to this loathsome habit, but it is a known fact that lipstick is twenty times more addictive than heroin.

Horrific child abuse

I am doomed.