I decided to do some strimming yesterday.

The old estate is getting a little out of hand and the only way to tame it is a show of brute force.  I do my gardening with slash-hooks, chain saws and strimmers.

My strimmer isn’t one of those pansy ones that plugs in.  No.  It is an honest-to-God power yoke with a two-stroke engine.  I think I may have overdone the oil to petrol mix a tad as it can be quite smoky.  It was a calm day, so when I fired up the strimmer, I disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke which enveloped me for the hour or so I was out there.

For hours after I finished, I could taste the burnt oil.  I realised at that point that not only had I been breathing burning oil for an hour or so, but I must have indulged in a massive dose of carbon monoxide, not to mention a lethal dose of other toxins, poisons and carcinogens.  I would hazard a guess that an hour of that cocktail would be equivalent to smoking around a thousand cigarettes?

So where is the health warning?  Where is ASH when you need ‘em?  Why isn’t the State looking after my health?

“Strimming can cause a painful death”

“Strimming can lower your sperm count”

“Want to quit strimming?  Contact your doctor or pharmacist”

The Nanny State are missing out on a nice little niche market here.  I don’t know how they missed it.

Strimming may not be addictive [unless you are a very strange person], but it is highly contagious.  I have noticed in the past that whenever I start, I am the one to shatter the peace and quiet of the countryside.  By the time I have finished though, there are usually three or four strimmers, chainsaws or other two-strokes running in the neighbourhood.

The thing that concerns me most is that strimming may lead to harder drugs.

Like four-strokes?