Herself came up with one of her Fascinating Facts last night.
She was browsing in the Interweb at the time, so I asked her if the fact contained a “research has shown”.
She admitted that it did.
The papers and the Interweb are crawling with these studies. They always start with “research has shown” or “a study has found” or something that indicates that this is a bunch of nobodies, trying to make a name for themselves and to justify their existence and their budget. I have reached the stage where I don’t believe a single one of them.
The “fact” that Herself discovered last night is that apparently having few friends is as damaging to survival as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being alcoholic. Straight off, this confused me. Smoking 15 cigarettes a day is the same as being an alcoholic? Wow! That’s bad.
When it comes to friends, I have no complaints. Herself isn’t too badly off, as I let her share my friends from time to time. At least I know now that there is little chance of my ending my days in the gutter, or dying of liver failure?
If the government sees this, we are fucked. It will be compulsory to have friends. They will set up matchmaking offices around the country and we will all be registered. All males will be required to carry an IFA card and all females an ICA card. Social Welfare cheques will not be issued to anyone who isn’t accompanied by at least ten people [excluding family]. They will insist on setting up a Facebook account for everyone in the country [at a cost of 12.5 million?].
Maybe they will pass a law requiring everyone to attend a pub at least once a day? Of course then we would all gain friends, but become alcoholics which might defeat the purpose? But then pubs are closing at a great rate because of the smoking ban and causing people to lose out on a social life, which is a sort of Catch-22 conundrum?
I’m going to play safe. I’m not an alcoholic, so I’m all right there. I don’t smoke 15 cigarettes a day, so that’s fine.
Just to be on the safe side though, I have booked myself into Lisdoonvarna.