Where I have been going wrong
For some time now, a caring reader has been sending me private emails.
I know he only has my best interests at heart, and I am flattered that he took such a lot of time out of his busy day to write to me.
I received a mail yesterday, in which he pointed out all my errors and the fact that I am quite obviously on the wrong path. My problem is that I don’t quite know how to respond. My English isn’t quite as eloquent as his, and I would like to reply to him and apologise for the error of my ways.
Maybe you can help?
Can you help me compose a reply?
His email [unedited] –
hello grandad
it has been some time. first let me get this out of the way.
i apologise for what could have been regarded as comment spamming on yours and various blogs last yr. but i dont apoligise for my reasons. mcGregor treachery will be avenged in this life our the next.
the other thing is i still notice your blog is full of anti-establishment ranting.your governent, your green party minister and duncan stewert are true heroes to many of us who wish to talkle global warming, passive smoking and sustainable energy-all great ideals of many in the jedi religion(which is growing day by day)
the other day i was stopped by a police officer for doing 35 kph in a 30kph zone.
what did i do? did i complain? no i got out and shook the officers hand and thanked him for saving my life.
i truly believe your lashing out of authority is the result of immaturity and a prolonged mid life crisis. this could be cured but maybe in your case its terminal.
either way you can change. you could drive in to town and simply go up and shake a parking attendants hand and tell them what a great job they are doing. you could warn young people of the dangers of smoking and become more civilly responsible.
may the force be with you
Grandad,
I completely agree!
Your a big complainer.
Oh. and, may the force be with you.
Did he really say “may the force be with you”?
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Sorry. I’ve regained my exposure now.
ha! some people crack me up.
……..
Darragh – Yup. That’s how he signed it. He’s a Jedi [of the highest order].
Johnie – Succinct. And no chance of spelling errors?
Well that was….special.
Wah ha ha. Is that real? Eamon Ryan really is a twat sometimes.
Well you could start by telling him that it’s disrespectful to the reader not to bother spelling and punctuating properly. And remind him that capital letters tend to follow full stops.
Think its nice that those held in institutions get to use email nowadays…
Am i getting this right – He’s writing to complain about you complaining?
This is not the grandad you’re looking for *waves hand*
He is absolutely correct, of course. Which is absolutely irrelevant.
That mail cut me to the quick. So much so that I have just been down to the village. I called into the Gardai and informed them that I shall be driving down for about ten pints tonight, and will be driving home again at around one in the morning. They have promised to intercept me and arrest me, so that I can thank them for saving my life.
There.
I can change.
The force is with me [or they will be at one tomorrow morning?]
Ahh .. so Gordon Brown has been released from the straight-jacket & is now permitted to access the internet eh ??
Maybe they also allow him out of the rubber room & to stroll in the Asylum garden too ? …
And tell Darragh to quit exposing him?self. Digitally or otherwise.
Any money says he’s a heavy breather.
Unedited except that original was typed in green?
Join up http://www.templeofthejediorder.org/
Or send herself in under cover!
Grandad, I know the man. He used to comment on my blog in the same manner from time to time, got some emails to. Outstanding.
TT – If Darragh wants to expose himself, he is more than welcome to do so. It’s a free world.
DD – It my have been typed in green but it arrived in black. Maybe the Force got to it?
Mick – Oh sweet holy….. And they claim they are nothing to do with Star Wars? Someone should tell my friend.
Jedrzej – He used to comment on quite a few. I think he used to sneak onto the computer when Mammy wasn’t looking.
Caring Reader – You came visiting at 00:27:40 today but you never acknowledged my pledge of remorse. I’m hurt. Wanker.
When your intimate communicator ends with the rubric: may the force be with you, does he refer to a) the Garda force that should be curtailing your anti-establishmentarianism, or b) the Free World forces of the USA that keep us all safe in our beds at night, or c) the force of juvenile subliterate textmessage English in which your communicator seems to wallow?
If I were a priest in the confessional and your communicator offloaded to me the quoted off-his-chest utterance I would bless him in a Fatherly and sad tone of voice and declare: …and for your penance read three English grammars.
That is devilishly clever. Can you imagine the reaction of a Gard if you got out and shook him or her by the hand after being stopped. It would totally freak them out. Twisted and cunning.
You can see the atraction of the dark side. Plus, you get to use the death star to blow up planets.
There is a story circulating a midlands town of a farmer who drives his tractor into town each Saturday evening, with his dog sat on the back.
The tractor did not comply with various pieces of legislation and a member of An Garda Siochana remonstrated with the farmer in front of onlookers.
“Where’s your driving licence?”
“I haven’t it with me”.
“Have you a licence for the dog?”
“Sure, the dog wasn’t driving”.
Such courtesy failed completely with the Garda concerned but has inspired much retelling of the encounter.
Ah the farmer … there was a case some years back in Cork where a farmer had reversed his tractor out of the gate right on to a blind bend and a poor American tourist slammed into him in th’hire car.
Court case came up and the farmer’s indignant defence was … (drumroll) … ‘Sure everyone knows I’m coming out of there that time in the mornings’.
Its not urban legend either. The newspaper clipping was sent from home.