Cooking Jamie Oliver on the radio
I did another of my little guest spots on radio this morning.
Actually I did it yesterday, because I thought I would be asleep this morning, but I wasn’t and that’s a different story.
Yesterday was one of those days when a whole load of unexpected things happened along with all the things I expected to happen. I suppose that’s what makes life interesting? It’s the little surprises that add spice to life, as the captain of the Titanic was heard to remark.
Anyway, I was chatting away to Shane when a friend, whom I hadn’t seen in ages came hacking his way through the long grass of the lawn. I had to somehow signal to him that I was on the phone and not to make any noise. I don’t know what the sign language for “I’m doing a radio interview, so shut the fuck up” is but it seemed to have the desired effect. Apparently Sandy doesn’t understand sign language though [apart from the meaning of a rolled up newspaper] and she proceeded to bark at my friend, and as a result, she has made her radio debut.
Shane wanted to talk about Jamie Oliver which was a bit awkward as I had already said all I had to say here. I suppose there may have been one or two listeners who actually haven’t read this site, so I ran with it anyway.
For various technical reasons [i.e. I was asleep], I hadn’t heard the station before, only my contribution, but this morning was different. I thought they announced the station as C103, and then realised to my horror that they were actually saying Zee 103! It’s bad enough that American insist on eviscerating the language with their todally awesome misuse of words and their complete inability to spell, but when they can’t even pronounce the letters of the alphabet, it really fucks up my head. How many times to I have to say that ‘Z’ is pronounced ‘zed’, not fucking ‘zee’? I have a good mind to sue the radio station for mental trauma and illegal importation of corrupt pronunciation.
So here is my little contribution to ZED 103 this morning.
I hope you were listening, Cully?
And please give a warm welcome to Sandy who can be heard surgically removing my friend’s balls in the background.
Cheers paps. I’m delighted at your rage against this fuckin (you Irish sure swear a lot) americanisation of our Irish/English language. It greatly irks me as well. I seems to me that the education (leather, bata and such) given to our age group makes us rage at sloppiness from those who use words as part of their ‘profession’.
Or maybe it’s age. Of course it’s now trendy to be a grumpy old man. Fuck trendiness.
Do they pay you NUJ rates to speak on the wireless? I hope you don’t spread your shite for free.
Good show Grandad, you should have your own radio show. Oliver does not like smokers or smoking. Here he is on the David Letterman show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40Dxv73YObw
Kerryview – I think you may have hit on a valid point there. Us lot were educated while we were at school. Nowadays they just seem to entertain them?
Are you implying that I’m grumpy? I think I am merely reasonable. All I am doing is pointing out the correct path for modern youth, using the benefit of my vast wisdom.
They pay me my standard rate – €1,000 an hour. That’s my ‘recession rate’ though. It will be going back to normal as soon as someone kills that fucker Biffo.
You put your finger on the general malaise of viewers of cooking, gardening, travel and DIY programs who really want to do this stuff, but can’t be arsed getting off the couch and actually doing it.
Reality programs are a special case for people who haven’t even got a life!
BigYin – Sorry for the delay in replying – I have just spent five minutes in the jax, puking my ring up after watching that video. So “we gotta let it happen” huh? Sanctimonious smug little bollix!
Neighbour – Reality programmes leave me at a complete loss for words. I just cannot understand the mentality behind them. They are the ultimate in lowest common denominator television.
You have moved your naked interviewing technique into the garden now?
‘Tis no wonder Sandy was barking. Probably trying to warn your friend off before he got close enough to realise that the grass being very high was a very very good thing for the mental health and emotional wellbeing of the neighbourhood.
Con – There is no point in leaving out your name to force me to use the Cap’n title. 😉
Who said anything about being naked? I do dress occasionally, and am sometimes quite respectable [like at weddings and funerals]. Or do you just like to picture me naked all the time? Weirdo.
That’s the cheerful outlook that was the cornerstone of my childhood! If it weren’t for Bunty I’d be a raving sociopath by now.
But you are a raving sociopath. Be grateful for a good solid upbringing.