So this is a ‘very historic day for Ireland’, is it?
Well fuck me.
This is a day that will be taught about in history lessons to future generations? This is a day that we will fondly reminisce over in future years?
To those of you abroad who are missing out on this momentous occasion, I feel sorry for you, for we in Ireland are the chosen ones. You must be devastated.
You see, we have been sent a letter by an 82 year old member of the Hitler Youth! Wow! We are truly honoured.
Old Joe Ratzinger himself has written to apologise for the mayhem and chaos that his followers have caused in the past. Apparently though it isn’t all their fault. No. We are to blame.
The cause of all the child abuse, rape, and general carnage was caused by our secularisation. I can understand where he is coming from here. If we had stuck with the good old days and if we still treated the clergy with the deference and adoration that they deserved, then none of this would have come to light. We would still be stepping off the pavement into the gutter to let a priest pass and we would never have dreamt of questioning their little hobbies that involved our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. It never would have occurred to us to demand the resignation of the bishops and cardinals who ran one of the most efficient and organised paedophile rings that the world has ever seen.
I really feel honoured that he has written. As an outsider to his flock, I do feel a little left out, as the letter is not being read to me personally. That honour is strictly reserved for those few who, despite everything, still believe in Catholic Church Incorporated.
I am delighted to hear that Joe is sending over his minions to visit us all and to apologise in person.
I have it on good authority that they will be bringing with them many thousands of mirrors, because staring at our reflections seems to be the only way out of this mess.
It truly is a very historic day for Ireland.