Einstein and Saturday
Einstein proposed the theory that time is relative.
According to his theory, time varies according to speed, and the closer you get to the speed of light, the slower time passes.
I would like to add a little codicil to his theory, and state that the older you get, the faster time passes.
I remember the hazy lazy days of my youth, where a day would seem endless. This was great, because by the time summer holidays came to an end, I had forgotten what school was like, as it was so long since I had been there. The other side of the coin was that school terms lasted for fucking years, or so it seemed.
Now that I have racked up a few years under my belt, things are different.
Days are flying past. It’s not exactly as though my days are packed with hectic activity which always seems to make time pass a little quicker. On the contrary, I life a slow life – a nice lie in, followed by a mooch around the Manor. Maybe I’ll wander off for a bit of hunting, of maybe I just won’t. You would imagine that I would be bored with nothing to fill my days, but the problem is that I don’t have the days to fill. The fucking things are flying past like carriages behind an express train.
It’s always Saturday in this place. At least, that’s the way it seems. It is always either Saturday, or it’s just been Saturday, or it’s just about to be Saturday. Saturdays are fucking haunting me. I wouldn’t mind, but it’s not particularly my favourite day of the week.
I could have sworn that yesterday was Saturday, but in fact it’s tomorrow. It’s back again. Where the hell are Monday, Tuesday and the others gone?
The months are playing tricks on me too. I could have sworn that this was the beginning of February, but apparently we are over half way through March. I noticed today that the Christmas decorations are still up in the village. That’s fine by my mind, because Christmas was last month. But in actual fact it was three months ago. Where in the name of all that’s holy did those three months go?
Maybe this is the answer to what happens to us after we die? Maybe time just passes at an infinite speed? I don’t know exactly what the effect of infinitely fast time would be? One instant it’s now and then it’s a million years in the future? Who knows?
But I bet it involves getting stuck in a Saturday somehow?
I had this theory a while back – the rate of time that you experience is relative to your total life experience.
For example, for a 1-year-old, 1 month is just under 10% of the child’s total life. For a 4-year-old, a month is four times smaller, and so on.
The consequence is that for a 4-year-old, one month takes about 4 times less “experienced-time” to pass than for a 1-year-old. For a 40-year-old, it’s ten times less again.
So, for me, a week “feels” the same as a 5-year-old’s day.
This could be total bollocks.
.-= Kae Verens´s last brainfart .. CMS Design using jQuery and PHP: the core =-.
Could also be related to how much of your “crop” you sample, strictly for quality control of course.
Time Flies. But at what rate? Does it fly commensurate with that of the common Robin? Maybe the European Swallow? If so is time different in the warmer climes because of the Cockatoo? Is time constrained in the arctic because of the Turn? Has our lives become unmanagable because of the 747? It also flies. If I throw one of my cats off the roof at what rate shall she descend? Will it be a rating of time? If it is how will it be different from the rate of descent of an Eagle catching its prey? How can this quantification of time be different than the time needed for a cup of tea to cool to the correct tempurature?
See. Easy!
.-= Brianf´s last brainfart .. The Meeting =-.
Thanks for the good laugh on this boring Friday afternoon. Saturday was always shopping day, Sunday I needed a rest. But I do like your theory; and as it’s Saturday tomorrow, I’m skint again.
Bit like it being Christmas day everyday. Who thought of a stupid song called, “I wish it could be Christmas every day”? Perhaps it should have been, “I wish it could be Saturday every day”.
Have a great weekend.
CJ xx
It has always been said that the older we get, the faster time passes. It has now been proven by science to be true. Can’t be arsed looking it up though.
Kae – If you work your theory backwards, you run into a problem. At the moment of birth, the first second of life then represents 100% of experience, therefore that second will last a lifetime. No one would ever grow up. There again, some haven’t.
Jim C – Crop sampling provides a nice mellow feeling where I couldn’t give a shit what day of the week it is. Maybe I should sample it more often?
Brianf – I have told you before, and I’m telling you again…. take two red tablets in the morning, a pink and a yellow at lunchtime, and the rest going to bed. You’re mixing them up again, aren’t you?
CJ – Welcome to my little corner of the universe! That song was written by Slade, who should be castrated, disemboweled and forced to listen to Daniel O’Donnell for the rest of their miserable lives, as a result. And it can’t be the weekend again?
TT – “Can’t be arsed looking it up though” You needn’t bother. I have just proved it now.
I know what you mean about School Terms lasting forever when one was at School ..
Nowadays, it seems like the little bastards & their bone-idle, fuck-wit Teachers are off for one week in every four ..
@Grandad – using your own physics analogy, that would be a “singularity” – where the usual rules break down.
you could think of it as “the big bang” (although that would have happened 9 months previously, really)
.-= Kae Verens´s last brainfart .. CMS Design using jQuery and PHP: the core =-.
I just finished reading your dissertation on “time travel” and realized that I missed Thursday and St.Patrick’s day seems like last week or was it and where in the hell did all my Jameson go? Damn it Grandad where you just in my stash? Help me I’m going to the light with out a pint of the black in my hand, shite!
Also time travels in more than one direction. The present,whatever that is, is influenced by the future as well as the past.
p.s. Happy to see yall………………… p’rapsnot.
Do not fear, Grandad.
Spacetime being a single continuum – when the universe reaches the point where the gravity at the middle is stronger than the momentum carrying the universe outwards, everything will reverse – the Big Bang will be followed by the Big Crunch. As spacetime is one, the time we experience on the outward journey will be experienced in reverse on the inward journey – you will live your life again, but backwards.
What about the frog who has to hop across the road but for metaphysical reasons, not relevant here, can only hop half the distance of each previous hop. Does he ever reach the other side or does a big uncaring God in his gigantic Hummer with the twenty inch spinner wheels turn him into a green crepe? Worth thinking about I would say. Or not.
Infinity? I prefer Lexus.
There’s only one time thats important and thats closing time…
.-= Sean´s last brainfart .. Buried Treasure =-.
Waited for this moment – it’s Saturday again, “Retired One”
Over on Twenty Major’s blog there is a search facility on the forum where you can search new or recent posts.
Sometimes if you use that facility it returns a message saying ‘search took 0.00 seconds’. This is astounding.
I have alerted forum members to this phenomenon but to date they remain singularly unimpressed.
If only Flann O’Brien were alive. I don’t know what he’d make of it.
Listen, you lot. I know you are only trying to confuse me. Please don’t bother as I am confused enough.
Some of your ideas are frankly upsetting. I am not concerned as to whether I am the result of a Big Bang, but I confess I am a little worried at the theory that I may eventually reverse in age. What the fuck happens when I reach age zero? That thought is a little disturbing, to say the least.
One way or another, I am more than a little pissed off.
It’s fucking Saturday AGAIN.
Think the older you get the more naps/sleeps you have so there is less time in the day to be killed….