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Ending it all

Head Rambles Posted on by

An horrendous thing happened to me the other night, and I haven’t slept much since.

It has depressed me beyond your wildest imagination.

It started with a simple visit to the coffee shop.  There were some tourists who pissed me off so I decided to send them to meet their ancestors.  I nipped back to the car, and then it happened.  I realised that I had left all my hunting equipment at home.  I drove home as fast as I could but by the time I got back to the village the feckers had gone.

This has never happened to me before.  My quarry has always ended in the quarry, and the vision of those bastards who got away will haunt me to my dying day.

I have decided it’s because I am getting old.

I knew this day would come eventually, and have already made the appropriate arrangements.  I am already a member of Dignitas and have informed my solicitor that I am quite prepared to make my own choice about the date and manner of my exit from this life.  The one thing I refuse to even contemplate is the vision of myself sitting in the corner of some Old Folk’s Home, dribbling, pissing and shitting myself and mumbling incoherently about the good old days.  And if anyone says that is the way I am now, you can go fuck off.

My arrangement are quite comprehensive.

I already have my open ended one way tickets to Switzerland.  I need two tickets, because I have to be accompanied, apparently.  I have arranged a surprise trip for Herself here.  She has always said she wanted to visit Switzerland.  There is no point in her returning to Ireland as, in the old Celtic tradition, I shall be burning my house to the ground before I leave, so I will be booking Herself into Dignitas at the same time.  Actually, rather than burning the house down, I shall be using Semtex and Nitro Glycerine as I intend to go with a bang.  I had better warn the neighbours to start looking for alternative accommodation beforehand?

So there you have it.

I shall be winding this site up shortly and shall be taking my one way trip.

…..

But there again, I have just remembered that trip to the coffee shop was after forty eight hours without sleep……

Maybe on second thoughts, I’ll postpone Switzerland for a while.

I’m off out now.

Today is the biggest day in the sporting calendar.

 

Comments

Ending it all — 13 Comments

  1. Gerry Ryan: “And where would you like to be buried?” Caller: “Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!”

  3. Oh I don’t know Groandad. Couldn’t you just try out the sitting in a corner, dribbling, pissing and shitting yourself?

    It seems a pity to spend years watching herself change nappies and generally work her fingers to the bone raising kids and then exclude yourself from the payback.

    I intend to spend at least one year annoying all my relatives with all sorts of sysmptoms and poking young people at bus-stops with a rolled up umbrella before heading off (after my Ernest Saunders-like recovery from ALzheimers, Parkinsons, alcoholism, drug addictions etc) for my pint of morphine at Dignitas in Switzerland.

    I refuse to be cheated of something I look forward to enormously.

  4. You have a fair point there Cap’n.  After all, as senility approaches, we pass back into second childhood and beyond the realms of the law.  I am therefore able to ply my grandkids with illicit substances [but only the ones they will enjoy], grope even more women at bus stops and generally make a fucking nuisance of myself around the village.

    Yes.  You’re right.  There’s a lot to look forward to.

  5. For a second there I was getting worried.

    But you’re right, it’s the height of the hunting season right now.

    * loads up the M14EBR *

  6. “I’m off out now.

    Today is the biggest day in the sporting calendar.”

    Did you remember to bring your hunting gear this time?

  7. Save yourself some money. Just send me a round trip ticket and I will pop over and do the job for you. This month’s special : 2 for the price of one.
    Oh well; 1300 hrs. Time to don my orange shirt and get off to the bar.

  10. TheChrisD – That;s what I like to hear.  Hope you gad a good day?  I had the best bag for months.  God, but I love Paddy’s Day.

    Kirk M – What do you take me for?  Senile?

    TT – Do you really love me that much?  I am very touched, but Herself is determined to see Switzerland at some stage.  And who the fuck is Big Zeb?

    John – There are a few in there I would be quite happy to lie under.  I wonder if Sharon would pose for the sculptor?

     

     

  11. Big Zeb won the big race at Cheltenham (for Ireland, trained by Colm Murphy.) Came in at 10-1.

  12. TT – You should know me better by now.  Horse races?  Sport?  Nah!  Not interested.

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