Faces I could never tire of kicking – 1
I think it is time to start a new series of posts.
People who’s faces I could never get tired of kicking.
There are people out there who keep cropping up in my newspapers or my television screen, and every time I see them, I want to get extremely and pathologically violent. It is nothing personal. I’m sure that underneath their public personas they are very nice people. It’s just that every time I see them, I get this irrational urge for extreme violence.
I am going to start off with a character who apparently has just slimed himself into a new television series. As a result, the channel has been advertising this programme, and have been showing my characters slimy visage on the screen at regular intervals, thereby throwing me into a red rage.
From what I can gather, Michael Winner had something to do with film making, and that’s fair enough. There are all sorts of odd-balls in the film industry; some of them are OK, and some are slime-balls. Winner firmly outdoes himself in the latter category.
For some reason that no one can fathom, he has set himself up as a food connoisseur, and seems to think he is beloved by all. Maybe he is, but not by me.
He writes a weekly piece of crap in the Sunday Times where he gloats about all the ‘posh’ establishments where he has eaten, and makes a point of going to places like Bangkok, Nice or the Seychelles which is fuck all use if you are just trying to find a place to bring the missus for a treat. His new television series has something to do with food, and there is nothing more guaranteed to kill my appetite.
Above all, it’s the fact that he constantly brags about his ‘exotic and lavish’ lifestyle. Not for him the 47 bus. Oh no. He goes everywhere by helicopter and private jet, and he never shuts up about the fact. Do I give a flying fuck?
Just to run salt into the wounds, he has greased his way into a series of advertisements on television, so I never know when I am safe. Granted, I have the sound muted, but the sight of him is enough.
Yes. His is definitely a face I could never get tired of kicking.
Pass me my steel capped size twelve boots.
It’s the worst when they get commercial spots! All of that self-satisfied poncing about gets much worse. My TV personality nemesis Rachael Ray. Imagine my revulsion to learn that her stupid-ass show is now broadcast here in Ireland. She was cooking cobb cheese and avocado pasta – what a wanton bitch. Seriously. Just when you think you’re safe.
Michael McIntyre eclipses Michael Winner. So does Elton John. Paris Hilton. Bono. Sharon Osborne. Where would you stop, that’s the question?
Can we mince them and feed them to the third world?
.-= not twitter´s last brainfart .. Two lessons for free =-.
Don’t worry dear, he’s only a twat.
If there is a god, he will take Twatty Winner now. Suddenly and without warning.
He owes the world a favour. Time He repaid it….
CR.
.-= Captain Ranty´s last brainfart .. An Open Letter To David Cameron =-.
Liv – I confess to never having heard of her. I did a brief browse and found a clip. I would lay very heavy odds she is about to appear on TV3? 😉
Not Twitter – What the fuck have you got against the Third World? Trying to poison them. I think I may have enough for this series to last for years!
Welcome Captain! [Fuck! Another captain. What’s with all these captains?] That “Don’t worry dear” raises me to the point of nuclear fusion. Condescending cunt. I’ll have a word with God.
Dear paps,
Winner’s face has already been kicked in (bleedin obvious). I think all food critics need a good kicking. Paulo Hoolio, Tom (It’s from the chalk soils) Doorly, that idiot in the london times and on and on. One could move on to the danm chefs (?) Corrrigan, Maguire, all those Irish/English twat chefs. Except Floyd, natch. And maybe that Rachel one.
A rich vein, my dear paps. Faces that need a kickin. Maybe mine does. Maybe yours.
Now ain’t that a kick in the head.
.-= kerryview´s last brainfart .. Irish Blog Awards – Not Nominated =-.
He hasn’t been kicked enough if he is starting a new series on television [yet another blank hour or so of shite programming]. I agree about chefs, though my favourite for a kicking [maybe he’ll feature?] is that Jamie Oliver bastard. Floyd died, didn’t he?
Floyd dead, yes indeed. Had a lovely meal. Heart attack. I can never cook without a baloon of wine. Learned it all from keef. He was a good cook as good cooks go, and as good cooks go, he went.
.-= kerryview´s last brainfart .. Irish Blog Awards – Not Nominated =-.
Without being anti semitic. It’s jobs for the boys.
can I call dibs on going second on him….dickwad
.-= manuel´s last brainfart .. “Gloomy?” =-.
Michael Woods. I’d like to kick his face until his god turns up to save him. Which might take a while.
Calm down Grandad, its only an advert. *shudder*
Can I join you in doling out several steel-toe-capped boots to Winners face? I fuckin hate that man.
What the fook has he done in his ‘directing’ career that anyone can actually name? Why is he now in cheapo ads for an insurance company while trading on the fact that he is Michael Winner.
Oh god my blood pressure is sky rocketing again. Its him!!!
Will yiz all stop trying to skip the queue?
Just line up in an orderly manner.
Yiz can have Winner only when I have finished with him.
so we’ll have to prize his dead body from your cold dead feet then?
“Calm down dear its only an advert”
“Calm down dear its only an advert”
“Calm down dear its only an advert”
“Calm down dear its only an advert”
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh