Waiting for the white smoke
I love living in the mountains.
There are one or two slight problems associated with the location though, and the principle problem at the moment is that roads tend not to be horizontal. In fact, I’m not sure where the nearest completely flat piece of road is around here, as it is a constant undulating area, occasionally interrupted with fucking steep hills. There is no way out of here without encountering at least one long steep second [or first] gear hill. A small, little known fact of physics is that steep inclines and ice don’t go very well together, unless you are into some hair raising weird sport. They are certainly not the motorist’s best friend.
I am completely cut off.
One of my biggest concerns at the moment is the central heating. My next door neighbour’s tank is nearly empty. I don’t know if he realises the fact [and he might wonder why I am concerned?] but it is irrelevant anyway as no delivery lorries can get here. So I am stuck with a choice. Do I freeze, or do I tap into the other neighbour’s tank? The latter is the obvious choice, but I’m not sure I have enough piping.
The other, and far more critical problem is that I am running very low on pipe tobacco.
I could send Herself down again, but I doubt she’d make it, and I would hate to lose her. I need someone to do the washing and cooking and stuff like that.
In the good old days, tea leaves could be relied upon in an extreme emergency, but all I have now are fucking tea bags. All you get in them is powder, which is fuck all use. We are a little low on pot plants at the moment, and with the oil situation, I am conserving the heating at the moment so I couldn’t dry any leaves anyway. There is a load of dog hair floating around the floor but you can take it from me – it doesn’t taste all that nice. I had to brush my tooth this morning after a wee experiment.
Are there any experts out there?
I need ideas.
What abour beard clippings – that would be enough to see you through a few months of emergency.
Beard clippings are much the same as dog hair. Anyway I need the beard for chin-lagging. Do you want me to freeze?
God GD this is familiar. Two steep inclines to get out of our place – one uphill and on a sharp bend which i managed to get half way up the other day before the car did a 180 and sent me back the way i came! and one downhill and on an equally sharp bend which you just head into holding your breath!
The latter has proven to be a better bet as ‘herself’ here has taken to bringing boxes of salt out which she then spreads on the way in the hope we’ll be able to get back up on our return!
The only thing is i have to make her walk up as she gets rather noisy in the car just at those critical moments!
.-= Mick´s last brainfart .. Fastnet Line – The Julia =-.
Get whatever you need air-dropped in…?
Does the ‘postie’ come by ?
You’re like me in that people never know when to take you seriously. You could just disappear from the blogosphere and several months later, when crews find the bloated body once the ice has thawed, your readers will applaud the grandest stunt they’ve ever seen. They’ll say, “There goes that Grandad again, going all the way for a yuck!”
I really enjoy it when I blog “Damn, no food in the house.. unemployment check was held up.. eating my shoelaces, which aren’t so bad when boiled and seasoned with rat dung” only to get comments that say, “LOL!”
No, really folks.. I ate my shoelaces!
Grandad was iced in, and he ran out of pipe baccy.. services are Wednesday.
.-= rhodester´s last brainfart .. OC Cabbie: Doom & Gloom =-.
Mick – It worries me that she gets noisy going up the hill. This could be her differential is about to clap out. Have you had her checked out lately?
TheChrisD – Even the birds aren’t flying around here. I don’t think there’s any chance of an air-drop.
TT – Postie? Mwaaahahahahaha!! No. No one opened the gate since I was last out. Not even my neighbours who have been asked by the government to check on me. Bastards. I can tell by the pristine snow….
RhodesTer – You’re nearly as bad as Neighbour who commented on Wednesday’s scribble that he would know if I were dead if I stopped writing. It’s nice to know people care?
Darn this is BAD news. How will Himself (with his American Tourist sign) get within range?
.-= Brighid´s last brainfart .. FUR FLYING =-.
No chance, Brighid. Not unless he has a team of huskies? I could do with some huskies.
We’ll bring you some pipe tobacco at the next shift change.
I keep her well oiled!
.-= Mick´s last brainfart .. Fastnet Line – The Julia =-.
It’s ‘lose’ not loose in the fourth last paragraph 😉
.-= robert´s last brainfart .. So sue me =-.
Did you try the Government emergency response committee? They are useless at keeping the roads open, but might manage a baccy drop.
CIA – Grand, thanks. And make sure to include the $23,500 I won off you lot at poker last night.
Mick – The old ways are the best.
Robert – ? Do I fail? Or what?
Ian – They are awaiting the return of some other minister from unspecified foreign [sunny] shores.
Had to break into green smoke … tragically stoned right now. And I have to clean up the house. YouTube here I come. Sigh.
And just when you thought global warming meant being able to grow your own tobacco…
.-= Sean´s last brainfart .. Sunday, em Wednesday Miscellany =-.
Grandad, I dont live in mountains but we do live in an undulating landscape shall we say. Made it to sainsburys yesterday and was tickled to find that there was a rush on in, wait for it, not the bread aisle, not the milk aisle, not even the cereal aisle. The bog roll aisle was looking very bare indeed. Either there has been an outbreak of Dysentery in Tunbridge wells or people are afraid of using their sleeves in an emergency I thought it was hilarious.
Joking aside, the main roads were clear, it seems the gritting trucks had finally worked, our back lanes are still a death trap that only a 4×4 can really negotiate, that and the odd cyclist without lights. Loons.
Cap’n – You changed your name? Full title? I have a good stock of the other, but it can be risky smoking that 100% of the time.. as you are doubtless finding! YouTube? Wow. Must be good stuff….
Sean – I am in the middle of converting the spare bedroom. Unfortunately the work is as yet incomplete.. *sigh*
Backy – A very essential basic necessity, I would have though? When they find your starved frozen body after the thaw, you want to have a clean arse, after all??