Failing the NCT
While I was at the wedding on Saturday, I got a text message.
It was from the NCT, to remind me that my car was to be tested first thing today, Monday. And when I say ‘first thing’, I mean first thing. The bastards wanted me to be there before half eight, for fuck’s sake!
I had forgotten all about it. Normally, I would get Spanner to give it the once over but he was busy yesterday recovering from a hangover so I decided I would have to wing it.
I left the house this morning, and while I was driving up towards Dublin, I began to have second thoughts. I hadn’t even opened the bonnet of the car or checked the oil in about eighteen months, and these tests are fucking expensive. So I stopped off and ‘borrowed’ a new car from the forecourt of a garage that looked exactly like mine and switched the number plates.
I rolled into the car test centre full of confidence and handed it over.
I got myself a coffee from a vending machine. I ordered a white coffee with sugar and got a black unsweetened paper cup full of something that tasted like used sump oil, which it probably was. Fail.
Eventually they drove the car out and gave me the result. Fail.
Apparently they were worried about the radio being tuned to the wrong station and the back seat was the wrong colour, or something. So I thanked them very much and told them I would fix it.
I went back to the garage and switched cars [and number plates] again, and then went back to the test centre.
They checked it again. Fail.
I asked them what was wrong this time, and they said I hadn’t removed the hubcaps. I suggested very calmly and politely that they could remove them, but they said they didn’t have the right tools. So while the bloke was standing there, I prised the hubcaps off with my car keys. I think he was a little embarrassed by that, because he gave me the pass certificate on the spot.
To cut a long story short, the car is parked out the front of the house now. It has a little scrap of paper in the windscreen saying it is grand until 2011.
That little scrap of paper cost me a lie-in and €50.
NCT?
Fail.
And wasn’t it exciting to stand in the viewing gallery?
No experience anywhere else in the world quite like it!
Ian – You’re right. There is nowhere else in the world like it. Thank God!
Give me €20 and I’ll make you up a cert.
damn, that’s expensive! you can get one here for $5. but thanks for reminding me…i haven’t even looked at mine in forever. notifications? we don’t get those for inspections. just if you get stopped for anything else, they will tell you that your sticker is out of date. did i mention i love my 22 year old car? $34 for the tag, $5 for the inspection sticker and i’m good to go for another year 🙂 oh, and there’s always the no payments and insurance is less than $300 a year….course there is the fact that i might have to put an engine and a transmission in it next year and that will be around $4000 but I would put more than that into it to not have to make payments and then insure it to the banks satisfaction and to top it all off on a new car the tag would be over $500. no, i don’t want a new car. in three more years i can buy an “antique” tag and never have to buy another one 🙂
A good idea in theory, but botched up beyond belief by the people who implement it. Their pickiness over the tiniest little things would be hilarious if it wasn’t so bloody expensive.
Maxi – Will ya feck off. I have a grand printer of my own thanks.
Prin – The NCT has nothing to do with safety any more. It is a pure money making racket. The original idea was to catch people who drove around with half their lights not working, or a wing falling off. Now they will fail you for not being polite to them. I wasn’t kidding about the hub caps, incidentally. I couldn’t believe it when he failed me for that. Bastard!
Andrew – It was good when it took all the real wrecks off the road. Some of those were lethal. Like everyting else here, they have lost the run of themselves and are getting much too sniffy.
Welcome to my world grandad! The fuckers almost failed me two years ago for not having the hubcaps off as well…they really wanted to see my nuts like. He grudgingly let me away with it – generous hearted souls they are – when I stooped down and popped them off with little delay.
Then the bastards failed me there the other week for “too much oil.” And there wasn’t at all, I discovered when getting the car back. Hoors!
Still can’t read you at work by the way, they still think you’re spam and block you!
Terence – They tried to fail me two years ago for ‘too many dog hairs on the passenger seat’. What that has to do with safety, I don’t know! I’m honoured to be blocked still. That means they are afraid of me. Them and a billion Chinese.
Half eight?
Isn’t that BEFORE the first thing in the morning?
Long before, from here.
Congratulations on not having to do it again for a while. The NCT I mean.
Just watched the most expensive ‘NCT’ mission via NASA TV this evening – where the mechanics go to the vehicle to service it and not our phoney system. Surely a few forged pieces of certs and discs would go unnoticed now in the context of a major space mission, yes?
My they’re picky. Only test breaks and lights out here! Otherwise I’d be going to work on the bus each day!
Susan – I was a little surprised when they originally booked me in for half eight. I didn’t think anyone was up that early. The only thing I will say in their favour is that they were very quick and I was out before nine.
SHoop – Seeing as I have been using a forged one up ’til now, I think you are probably right.
Baino – There is a huge list of things they check. Not only do they do the lights and breaks, but suspension, tracking, emissions [I had to stay off the Vindaloo, just in case], exhaust, mirrors, seatbelts and just about everyting except the ashtray [which has to be empty]. If they can’t find anyting wrong with that list, they will always find something else to complain about.
Grand. I’ll blame you so. Now where’s me court clothes….
Oh dear oh dear, Grandad, tsk tsk. Doncha know by now that having the radio tuned to forrin stations is a crime. Having the seat covers a clashing colour to the paintwork is a big no-no. And you expected them to remove the hubcaps themselves!! Did you leave the seats in an upright position? Apparently having them leaning back too far is another no-no, as is having the sun-roof open.
Ah, the joys of public transport, none of this NCT lark to be bothered with.
Congrats on the wedding. Oh hang on, it’s K8 I should be congratulating