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How slow can a man get?

Head Rambles Posted on by

I am sick and tired of the Interweb.

I started to write this morning, and being the conscientious bloke that I am, I decided to research my material.  I went searching the Interweb.

Fucking forget it.

I kept getting blank screens, and when I wasn’t getting blank screens I was getting messages like “Google.ie cannot be found.  Are you sure the site exists?” or some such shite.

This has been going on for a couple of months or more now, and I am really getting pissed off.

I went to test my Interweb speed, just in case.  I couldn’t load the fucking site!  Eventually I managed to load it and came up with the results that I expected.


Click to embiggen 

I then tried another site.  It came up with exactly the same figures.  So I tried testing with some foreign servers.  Same result.  For once, my connection is fine, and my service provider has once again escaped a pleasant little chat on the phone.  This annoys me because I like to know where the problem is so that I can eat the balls off complain to them.

If I make any mistakes in this bit of a scribble, I am not going to correct them.  Why?  Because it will take me ten minutes to log into the site.  It will take another fifteen minutes to get the page up to edit it.  Then it will take another twenty minutes to save it again.

My Google Feed Reader is hopeless too.  If I click on a link to see what little gems of wisdom you have all been imparting, all I get is a blank screen.  There again, maybe it’s because you have been writing nothing? 

This morning I tried to download a simple filthy perverted hard core update file and it took about twenty minutes.

I have tried everything.

I have talked nicely to my laptop, even though that is against my principles.  I sacrificed a virgin [and it took me weeks to find one of those].  I even paid my bill for my connection and that really went against the grain.

I want this fixed.  What’s more, I want it fixed now.

Or heads are going to roll.

 

Comments

How slow can a man get? — 17 Comments

  1. Edit your network settings and change your DNS servers to 208.67.222.222 and 208.67.220.220.

    These are DNS servers belonging to OpenDNS and are free to use. Might make a difference.

  2. I started having major difficulties last night. Of course that is nothing unusual,as I know absolutely nothing about this thing!Now dad,I’ve got you figured as extraordinarily qualified on the damn thing,so well you should be pissed.At least it sounds like u know what your pissed at and why.(I sacrificed the virgin way long ago when by the way it was a very,very good thing to have the ‘slow man’ with the ‘slow hand’) Luck to you, Sandi

  3. Wifi was messed up here this morning, but the wired connections were working fine. Booted the wireless router… everything back up to speed now.

    Sometimes turning it off and back on again is the right thing to do.

  4. i, who know nothing about such matters, personally think it’s google. when i try to do my igoggle thing first thing in the morning, it tells me all the time that the information is unavailable…my thousands of emails a day that i get are unavailable, wtf? then there is the “blame it on mozilla” one that i love…
    that probably didn’t make a bit of sense…i just woke up…

  5. Hmmm, I’ve been seeing similar shittiness of late, though my connection was grand. Excess spam? Maxi looking at guesshermuff.blogspot.com on 91 different browsers simultaneously soaking up the countries bandwidth?

  6. Robert – I tried that but it doesn’t seem to have made much difference. Thanks anyway, as I was a bit suspicious of the current settings. I’m suspicious of everything these days.

    Sandra – Me? Qualified? Hah! I get The Other Fella to do the dirty work. I wish I did know what I was pissed at. Incidentally, I am always very slow when I sacrifice a virgin.

    Will – I have tried turning it off and on. I have tried threats and kicks. My laptop is now threatening me with Social Services.

    Prin – I blame it on the Government. The chances are that they have fucked up the Interweb along with everything else.

    Thrifty – You could have hit the nail on the head there. Is it time to stick Maxi on a desert island [no Interweb access] along with Charlotte Church?

  7. It was not my fault.

    Although if you wanted to arrange the desert island thing with Durty McChurch be my guest.

  10. Good job men! The plan is working perfectly so far. Keep up the good work!

  13. Maxi – I wouldn’t be too sure about that. You can have Durty, but just don’t expect me to hand deliver her.

    Brianf………. Great. He’s cut off. 😈

    Sixty – Thanks. You might have warned me.

    The CIA – And what exactly are you hoping to achieve?

    RhodesTer – Mny thnx. Mch apreci8td.

  14. Davis – Welcome to the real home of the Celebrities! Thanks for shifting your arse off my cable, but it hasn’t made any difference. When are you going to do an expose on me?

  16. Well if I told you what our plan is then it wouldn’t be much of a secret plan to have you committed and put a CIA operative in your place now would it?

  17. I’d been having a simiar problem with the Internet being provided by the landlady here. Works fine, and then all of a sudden it’ll stop sending me any data. And then, eventually some point later, whether or not I have already ripped out some of my hair, it’ll start working again.

    And it does this constantly. She’s already had a bit of a bitch to from the other non-nationals here, but she really doesn’t want to get a bitching from me…

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