The return of the Mad Cow — 14 Comments

  1. I had the grand pleasure of going to an ER (emergency room, you call these modern wonders an A&E though I’m not quite sure what Arts & Entertainment has to do with medical care. I’ll send Miss Harney a telegram and ask) and I only had to wait 5 and a half hours to be seen by a nurse. The doctor popped in inbetween his cocktail party and his dinner at the Hotel Hershey. That was nice of him. I’m glad I wasn’t the kid with the gaping wound that was pumping blood and puss on the floor. I felt bad for him. They wouldn’t allow him to smoke. They told him smoking would kill him. So after my 5.5 hour wait I was ushered into a small room with a bed and they procedded to ask me what was wrong. Why did I spend the first hour of waiting filling in forms and explaining in minute detail my reason for being there? I was told that is for making the time go by faster and is torn up and thrown away as soon as I returned it to the triage nurse. So I explained that I was just kinda’ lonely that evening and wanted some company. Well Carol the nurse attending me felt my pain and we snuck out for a nice dinner downtown and a few drinks afterwards. She ran into quite a few others from her ER shift at the restaurant. Well Carol and I really hit it off so two other nurses from her shift and their dates and I rented a room at the Hilton and … well I just skip forward to the rest of the story. After boffingalot we all washed up and went for a nice walk by the river to take the nurses back to their jobs before the doctor got back from his late night dinner. When we returned we had a laugh over the fact the waiting time at the ER was up to 8.5 hours. Carol was a nice girl and I’m glad I had such a nice time at the ER.
    I wonder what ever became of the kid with the bleeding, gaping wound?

  2. Grandad, BRAVO. Splendid post and killer last line. It is jaw-dropping when the powers-that-be worry so much about keeping up appearances on the world stage while our health service is a medieval disgrace.

    I could go on and on about my own experiences, but that would take pages. What’s burning me up is that the one GOOD thing has always been the nursing care: the nurses have always been sweet and competent when I needed them. So they’re the ones getting cut, according to the report. Oh, oy.

  3. Brianf – They are called Arts & Entertainment because it’s an art to stay alive and it can be entertaining watching others kick the bucket. You seem to have much the same system there? Wait five hours and if you’re not dead, then there is a possibility you’ll recover? I’m not sure that we have much boffingalot in our health service, and if you look at Mad Cow Harney, is it any wonder?

    Susan – A killer last line? I hope not? 😉 Somehow I think if someone were to write a fictional account of our health service it would be dismissed as a sick [sic] fantasy. It is very hard to grasp that a real health service can be so incredibly bad

  4. The thing that must be worrying my Mary is that she is so overweight she’s going to need a hospital at some point in the near future.

    But then again she probably has a private arrangement to be airlifted to a private hospital in another country.

    So why worry?

  5. “But then again she probably has a private arrangement to be airlifted to a private hospital in another country.”

    I’ve heard rumors to the effect that she has made arrangements with the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Hanover, New Hampshire here in the States. Since I live within 2 hours of that very medical center and I know the layout very well, I’m currently arranging a special team of hand picked individuals to act as her own private “welcoming committee” for when she finally arrives. Considering the looks of her I suppose I’d better bring up the time table a bit.

    Once the “welcoming” takes place is there any particular place you folks in Ireland might want the remains sent to? You have your choice of parcels to choose from of course.

    The traditional cremation where the ashes will be shipped in…well…probably two quart cardboard containers by the look of it or the new freeze dried, bleached and compacted method. The end result of this method will be shipped in a pint ‘Chinese take-out’ container marked Pork Fried Rice and will be delivered by a small oriental type person riding a Honda motor scooter.

  6. What size are the crematoriums in New Hampshire, Kirk? Lets not get into anything the US can’t handle… 🙂

  7. Kirk M – I would suggest you give her a total refit and convert her into an aircraft carrier? I had plans for that once, but I couldn’t fing a big enough deepwater port here in Ireland.

  8. I was in Tallaght hospital last week, and witnessed first-hand Miss Harney bustling through wards, randomly gripping beds, jacking them into the air and tipping their occupants onto the floor.

    She also ran into a theatre mid-operation, screwed out the overhead light bulb and screwed in an energy-saving bulb. Bizarrely, she then turned off the light and smashed the switch with a lump hammer, so that it could never again be turned on. Things are getting out of hand.

  9. Capt O’- No problem with the crematoriums around here (Vermont I mean. Don’t actually live in New Hampshire thank goodness). We can run 2 or 3 cattle carcasses through at a time if need be. Of course, if you don’t want her back at all, we could always find a willing diary farmer somwhere and stuff her in a pile of compost. Our compost piles can make a large cow carcass completely disappear inside of a month–even the bones (I assume she has some beneath all that flesh?).

    We can take care of pretty much anything you might want in Vermont since the federal government tends to ignore us for the most part. Safer for them that way.

  10. Grandad – I checked into the possibility actually and unfortunately, the big shipyards that handle the Naval contracts find it somewhat difficult to work with crazed bullshit. They did suggest however, that it would be entirely possible to render her “remains” into a substantial amount of bio-fuel. I imagine this would please Miss Harney to the extreme since she appears to be so concerned about the environment and all.

  11. Good heavens! I’m post-psychic!

    Well, better latent than never I always say. Besides, the longer she remains on the hoof the larger she might grow?

  12. Can we isolate the Swine flu and let it run riot in Leinster House for a few weeks. It might solve a few problems at ministerial level, junior and senior.

    There will be no chance of the HSE finding a cure as they can’t cure anything else 🙁

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