Having to Do It Yourself — 12 Comments

  1. Could you not have waited until tomorrow?

    Don’t most of those soul-less DIY chains offer a discount to seniors on Tuesday?

    And finally… how much “razor wire” do you think there is a market for? I wonder is it like the inflated sales figures for baseball bats – I mean, have you ever seen anyone in Ireland play baseball, yet seemingly there is a thriving trade in all manner of bats!

  2. Francis – Is Tuesday the Senior’s Day? Bugger! I have to have the stuff by tomorrow morning. I never realised that baseball bats were for playing baseball. I would never waste mine on a simple game….

  3. Congratulations on the floor and wire netting. Did you remember the cattle prod?

    Does this project involve government ministers, by the way?


  4. Did you make sure the mesh of the wire netting was the right size? You need a small mesh if you are to ensure politicians cannot get their hands through.

  5. @Grandad

    I believe there are two real baseball fans in Ireland – myself, and a barman in Newcastle, Co. Down. Those muppets who go around wearing New York Yankees branded clothing don’t count.


    I think the Air Corps are doing a good enough job of trying to cut the ministerial pay-roll.


    Doesn’t matter what size the mesh is – they might get their hands through, but never their necks!

  6. I think all of the DIY stores are actually owned by construction contractors. How many people after visiting the store just say forget it and call someone else to do the work for them?

    Personally I like the mesh to be big enough for them to get their heads through. I make it easier to use a scythe and cut them off.

  7. I dunno about baseball bats now, I never had a thing for them, except if they’re exceptionally small.
    I have three baseball bats attached to my pencil case, and they hurt like hell if you hit someone with them!
    Fun, though.
    I’m not a baseball fan – the game is just so bloody slow, they miss more than they hit the ball!

    And shop assistants should be looked upon with sympathy. It’s hard to keep track of all the stuff your store sells, and it’s a bloomin’ rubbish job anyways!
    Although it looks like you got one of the shop assistants that deserves to be shot in the head for being ridiculously stupid. =)

  8. Susan – Yes. I got the cattle prod for use during the forthcoming local elections.

    Ian – Mesh size is totally irrelevant. 50,000V will ensure that nothing gets past.

    Francis – Do you get together with the fella from Newcastle often? It must get very boring with only the two of you playing all the time?

    Jim C – Most of the DIY stores here are run by rejects from McDonalds. They are pleasant enought people but they know as much about DIY as I know about Double Whammy Burgers.

    Aislinn – Welcome to my humble abode! Baseball bats are grossly underrated except perhaps in parts of Limerick. I have found that a well balanced bat is the perfect defence against a 12″ cast iron frying pan weilded by any irate wife.

    Please don’t knock my friend Paddy. He is a very nice gentleman of much the same vintage as myself, and suffering the same bewilderment that is a fact of life in our senior years. Once I pointed out to him that he was the chap who found the wire neting in the first place, he apologised and wandered off amongst the pot plants for a pee and a smoke.

  9. @Grandad

    Play baseball? No! I’d rather take the sport’s bar approach… “Sports Bar”: noun; A place where nonathletic men go to sit around, drink beer, and watch athletic men play sports on large television sets.

  10. Francis – I wouldn’t know anything about “sports bars”. I hate televisions in pubs and either avoid them like the plague or bring my remote control to switch the fucking things off.

  11. In our sundown preambulations of late we have noticed groups of youths playing a certain game of ball. This game of Base is glorious!
    Baseball is such a wonderful sport that it can be played with the rules used by professionals though at the same time all the rules can be thrown out save those you may wish to use. It can, in fact, be played with just two people. It’s called, “Catch”. Kids play the game in all kids of places with all kinds of rules but the bottom line is that it’s still baseball.
    Now grown men running around, kicking a ball, that is about as dumb as cricket. Only the brits could have invented a game you play for two weeks and no body wins!
    The Phightin’ Phils just beat the Tampa Bay Devil Ray yesterday in their opener of “The Grapefruit League”(aka Spring training exhibition games)

  12. DIY is over-rated. Why not kidnap the next tourist to ask for directions who happens to be a builder and enslave them to do all the work?

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