Hard hats and steel tipped boots
I was having a lovely sleep last night for the first time in a long time.
Next thing I was woken by Sandy barking her head off as there was someone at the door.
It transpired that it was those builders again. There were four of them standing on the doorstep wanting to be let in to rip down more of Head Rambles Manor.
One of them gave me one of those hard hat things.
‘Ya have to wear this at all times,’ says he. ‘E.U. regulations. Ya also have to wear steel tipped boots and a DayGlo jacket. This is a building site ya know?’
I pondered this as I stood there on the doorstep, stark naked. Wouldn’t I look a right prat wearing a hard hat and nothing else? I told him to fuck off, and went back to bed.
‘Who was that?’ says Herself from under the duvet.
‘Those fucking builders you ordered,’ I said as I decided whether to get dressed or not.
‘I didn’t order them. You did. Make us a mug of tea.’
‘Fuck your tea. If you didn’t order them, and I didn’t order them, then who did?’
‘Dunno,’ says Herself, and she went back to sleep. Lazy bitch.
I got dressed and went out to the lads who were now out ripping up the garden.
‘Where’s the Gaffer?’ says I. I know that the Gaffer is the only person who ever knows what’s going on.
‘Dunno. Not here,’ says one of the lads as he swings a pickaxe and punctures our main sewer.
I left them wading around in shit and went back into what’s left of the house.
Herself was up and trying to make toast.
She has filled the house with blue smoke and all the smoke alarms have gone off.
What did I do to deserve all this?
What the heck is going on over there? Are you renovating your house or is this just an opportunity to give Herself a hard time?? I feel bad for her having to make her own toast and tea. If you did that every morning, maybe she wouldn’t have to resort to hiring builders to get your attention?? 😉
Tricia – I haven’t the faintest idea what’s going on. If anyone is gatting a hard time it’s me. I swear Herself is behind all this despite her denials. As for the tea, it’s about time she learned to brew a cup. Once she has mastered that, I might even teach her to make toast without burning the place down
Blue smoke eh? You pay a fortune for that in Amsterdam.
Maybe Bertie is getting you back. He may be sending all the out of work builders to your house to work on random projects that shall never be finished. I would bet he’s financing it all through AIB too!
“punctures our main sewer” Christ…I can only half-imagine the next blog-post…..
NaRocRoc – Maybe so, but I can get it for nothing here. And I’m not talking about burning toast! 😉
Brianf – It’s Biffo and the Builders now, not that it makes the blindest bit of difference. We could beat any tin-pot dictator in Africa when it comes to corruption.
SHoop – Is it OK if I only half write it then?
Are you sure they’re builders and not demolitionists?
Maybe neither of ye ordered them.Maybe they are having some kind of group unemployment related Nervous Breakdown where they just turn up randomly at peoples houses and start working..
..of course you could have ordered them and got the dates mixed up..