I was driving along the motorway today and, having nothing better to do, I went off in my world of intellectual musings.
We all have fingernails, except of course for those of us who have been tortured.
So what good are these little bits of flesh or bone or whatever the fuck they are made of?
I grant you, they are very handy for getting that large bogey from the top of a nostril. They are also extremely effective for scratching one’s arse. If you play the guitar, then they are indispensible.
None of the above are what you would call life savers though. I can scratch my arse with a stick, or play the guitar with a plectrum, though I’m not sure how I’d cope with that big bogey.
So these little yokes on the end of my fingers are pretty much redundant.
Yet they keep growing.
If Jimmy “Hammer” Murphy does remove your fingernails for some reason, they will grow back again in time.
But your teeth don’t.
Teeth have a very strong argument for being essential. It is very difficult to eat a steak without them. Apples too can be tricky. They are also ideal from trimming said fingernails, yet if one is removed by nature/dentist/Jimmy “Hammer” Murphy then that is the end of that, unless you are a child on your first set. “Hammer” Murphy draws the line at children.
I’m going to patent my latest idea.
I think teeth should be replaced with fingernails. They should be easy enough to transplant.
If you loose a “tooth” it will just regrow. If you chip one, it will mend itself.
They will also be much closer for a bit of nostril action.
I think I could be onto a winner here?