I am damned
I am very busy today.
In fact, I am so busy, I don’t have time to write anything.
And if I’m too busy to write anything, I certainly don’t have time to answer the bloody door.
The door bell rang earlier. I tripped over Sandy on the way there, so I wasn’t in full greeting form when I opened the door.
There was a couple there. He was a respectable enough looking bloke, and she was a tasty blonde. We looked at each other for a moment. The fact that I had no clothes on may have put them off their stride a bit.
I thought it was a bit early for election canvassers, seeing as they haven’t called an election yet, and the meter reader came yesterday, so I waited. Luckily it wasn’t too cold.
He started blustering then and waffled on about something, when suddenly I spotted the pamphlets he was carrying. Religious freaks, out to convert me!
Our Puppychild had left a stick of chalk in the porch, where I had been teaching her to write on walls, ready for their new house. I took the chalk and carefully drew a pentagram on the ground outside the front door.
“Right,” says I, “I will happily talk to you, but you must stand inside the sacred symbol”.
They gave me a strange look and ran. Obviously their faith isn’t that strong?
I am a bit baffled by these people.
I have my beliefs, but I don’t try to convert anyone, except maybe the Rector. My religion is my business, and yours is your own. Fine. Let’s leave it at that.
But they feel compelled to “save” me. Why? Does it really matter to them if I go to hell?
I’d say they’ll have their work cut out in this neighbourhood. I doubt many will even answer their doors.
Most people around here will be knackered after the midnight sacrifice we held last night.
You’re not very friendly when it comes to people just paying you a kindly visit. Next time, ask them in and serve them some lunch – http://www.boingboing.net/2009/01/15/maggot-cheese-that-t.html
These visits are why I adopted a very large, very loud dog. But I love stories of how these folks are dealt with in doorways!
I’m all for inviting them in.
I’d do it, but they’d have to understand that they’d be interrupting my alone internet time so they might not get my full attention.
Was this the guy Grandad?
Why not trade your soul for some tobacco?
If this was the Jehovah’s Witnesses, then they’re wasting everyone’s time, including their own. According to their own beliefs, only 144,000 people can be “saved” from Armageddon, and yet there are currently more than 7,000,000 of them…
They won’t talk to me any more. I used to invite them in (as RhodesTer suggests above), but they were uncomfortable when I started questioning them about what they believed. Apparently you’re only supposed to read the bits of the bible that the elders tell you to, and you are not supposed to do any critical thinking or cross-referencing unless it’s previously approved by them.
They didn’t like the fact that I had a written list of questions ready to hand every time they knocked.
RhodesTer – Once again, you excel yourself. Even more disgusting than usual!
Susan – Actually, Sandy did try to savage them [she wasn’t too happy at being tripped over], but the moral side of me stopped her.
Maxi – You invite them, and they actually enter? Into your place? They are braver than I thought.
Hoor – Yup. That’s him. Just take away the pipe and slap a tweed hat on him….
SHoop – What do you think the sacrifices were about????
Kae – I didn’t know that about the 144,000. Maybe that’s why they are so keen to convert me? Maybe they get Green Shield Stamps with every soul and it’s the 144,000 with the greatest number of stamps at the end of the
LOL…That’s hilarious! The one’s that get on my nerves are the Jehovah’s witnesses. They never give up.
It’s really irritating when it’s a frigid -5°C out! 🙂
A mistake everyone makes at least once!
JD – I didn’t say so explicitly, but they were, in fact JWs. I was amazed that they quit so easily. Had they never seen dangly bits before?
Maxi – Never. Not even once.
Religion? What is this religion you speak of?
Faith is what I have. Religion is what they had. There’s a difference, and I don’t want any of theirs, thanks.
I had the Mormons over once, back in 1995 it was, I remember it well. I’d met them outside my flat weeks earlier when hungover as a student and they turned up on my door one evening.
They spoke about some bloke called Joseph and a bush doing stuff and then they took out some sort of bible and then I read a bit of it but they clearly spotted I wasn’t for turning Mormon and eventually they fucked off, picking their way out through dishes, laundry, beer cans, other debris.
Maxi’s right. It’s a mistake I had to make once anyway.
You have reminded me of a couple of years ago when I was approached by a petite middle aged woman in a quiet Sainsbury’s in way up North. As she handed me a flyer with lots of bible quotes on it she asked me did I want to be saved – I told her that that was why I was there. Much more being saved these days so I guess her work is done.
put the hose on em mate–works for me
We get them here in the Neths. too and my usual reply when refusing to take their magazine was always a gleeful: “I can’t read Dutch..” until recently, when I got trounced by a couple of beaming soul savers who announced that they now imported the English version. Darn it….
Terence – Why didn’t you just ask them to clean the place?
Milton – Good point. Saving is the name of the game these days.
Welcome James! The hose is fine, but it tends to make a bit of a mess of the place. A water pistol [filled with pee]?
Geri – I can’t apply that here, unfortunately. I could always ask if they had an Irish version and threaten to sue them under the discrimination act?
Brilliant! I’m getting some chalk in ready – hang the expense!