For sale
I am utterly sick of our government.
They are the most incompetent corrupt shower of bastards this side of North Korea.
They have managed to screw this country and just about every decision they make manages to make things worse.
I cannot think of one move they have made over the last years where I have sat back and said “Yes. That makes sense”.
The problem is that there is no alternative. The others seem to be either as incompetent, or just plain ineffective.
But there is an alternative.
I propose a radical piece of lateral thinking, and I think it could work to everyone’s benefit.
Ireland has a lot to offer. We have a young, reasonably well educated workforce. We are ideally situated as a link between Europe and that other crowd across the Atlantic. All in all, we are a desirable country.
Here is my idea.
It is so simple, I can’t fathom why we haven’t thought of it before.
All we have to do is look around the world and find an economy that is doing well. Look for a system that works. Seek out a country that we would be proud to be associated with…..
and offer to join them.
I believe Australia is doing reasonably well. I’m sure they would be happy to annex us. They would gain all the trading benefits of having a state within the EU. We would have somewhere nice to go for the winter. Of course the would have to ditch the Queen, but that is a very small price to pay.
I’m not that well up on world economics, so I don’t know which economies are doing well. I know Iceland is out of the equation. We won’t be joining America which will be a huge disappointment to Harney, who thinks the sun shines out their arses [she has stated that she would rather look to Boston, rather than look to Brussels].
So here goes –
If you are a foreign country, and your books are reasonably well balanced and if you speak English or another language that is reasonably easy to learn why don’t you give us a call?
Our lines are open.
Denmark? Finish what the Vikings started!
Spain – they would probably understand after the Franco times – you might need to learn the language though – I do teach Espanol for a small fee should it become necessary!
Thrifty – Denmark sounds nice. Would we all have to play with Lego? Sweden would be nice too? All them women?
Kate – I’m not sure about Spain. The sunsnine would be nice though. Maybe if we were a Spanish colony, we’d be entitled to more sunshine?
In which case I would have to excercise the right to use my Irish passport and move back home!!!!!
Tuvalu? They have a really cool ccTLD. We could resell it for them.
Sneezy – I should also have mentioned that we won’t take bids from countries that are about to disappear under the ocean!
I reckon we sell Connacht to India, Leinster to China, Ulster to Iceland and Munster can go and spontaneously combust like a Spinal Tap drummer. Diversify. We need a variety of destinations onboard!
NaRocRoc – I like the idea, but I’m not sure of your choices? I would be more inclined to sell Ulster to China [Wee Daniel would like it there]. Connaught can go to Iceland, as it would be a step up the poverty ladder. I think Leinster deserves a bit more though? Your plan for Munster is reasonable and we’ll let that stand.
Maybe we should join up with Cork? Nah. Sorry. Forget that.
Y’all should have stuck with England. Other than that check out Albania.
Okay fair enough Grandad. Leinster can instead snuggle up beside Hawaii perhaps? I reckon we deserve somewhere exotic!
By the bye, met a couple from Wicklow in the bar last night. Larah, maybe?
I was thinking something similar in that I had an idea that would make the most of our geographic location and bring in tons of cash.
Piracy!
It’s working damned well for the Somalis!
According to the Times Online (I know, aren’t I edumacated), some boffin worked out the top ten most stable and prosperous countries:
1. Vatican 99
2. Sweden 99
3. Luxembourg 99
4. Monaco 98
5. Gibraltar 98
6. San Marino 98
7. Liechtenstein 97
8. United Kingdom 97
9. The Netherlands 97
10. Irish Republic 97
I propose the Vatican. A lot of Irish people are roman candles anyway, and they’re RICH RICH RICH!!!!
xx
E Mum – I have nothing against the Catholic religion as such, but the idea of being ruled by the Vatican? As one who barely survived the Archbishop McQuade era… no fucking way!! They may be the wealthiest country on earth, but there are limits.
Now Sweden? Nice liberal attitudes? Blonde chicks? I could live with that….
How the hell did Ireland get in there? Bribery, I suppose?
I was really disappointed that the USA was not in the running. The amount of people who live here and call themselves “Irish” is more than you’ll find in Ireland itself. Just about everyone claims to be “Irish-American'”. Notice, not American-Irish. Hopefully, we’ll qualify one day, when the government gets an overhaul. 🙂
You wouldn’t like it here . . .everything wants to kill you. But if you’re under 45, have a desirable career path and a shitload of money . . we’ll let you in for sure!
Tricia – You must be joking? It was you lot [or rather, your adopted country] that started this financial mess with your sub prime lending?
Baino – I can like with killing. I can give as good as I get. I think I’d like it there. How much are you offering for Ireland?
Ireland could join Cork, we’d let ye like.
I second NaRocRoc’s Hawai’i idea. We’re both island nations, historically victims of imperialism, struggling to save our native languages, and with internationally loved dance forms. Made for each other! …except that their weather’s perfect, and ours is shite.
So, first we avenge Queen Liliuokalani by liberating Hawai’i from the Americans, er somehow, and then we put a giant chain ’round our own island and tow it to the Pacific ehm, somehow, to become a new Hawai’ian island, and we all run down to the beach. They’ll NEVER NOTICE an extra island among the hundreds they already have so ssshhhhh, and all will be well. Somehow.
Yeah, that’s it. Me likey.
Anyhow, what Mary Harney was saying is that she likes *Boston Cream Pie* better than *Brussels Sprouts* is all. Well, from recent photographs I’d say that was obvious.
The Irish couldn’t stick the heat over down under – we’d melt, or render the Aussies deaf with our endless bitching!
I’d vote for Holland, then twin Amsterdam with Wicklow. That’s what I’d do.
But my Auntie May is in Bray and she can’t speak double Dutch!!!!!
Tu-lipread is good enough!!
Maxiland will take over.
Can’t do any worse!
Xbox – Ireland join Cork? Cork is already part of Ireland, you prat.
*scratches head and mutters about thick Leesiders who don’t even know where they live*
Susan – I was going to ban NaRocRoc for suggesting we link with a part of America, but I agree with your qualifications. Liberate Hawaii and we’ll spend the rest of our lives lounging on white beaches under the palm trees.
K8 – We may not be able to stick the heat, but we’ll enjoy ourselves trying.
Kate – If your Auntie May lives in Bray, she must speak fluent Skanger?
Maxi – You tried that once before and were soundly beaten. Get back to the cellar where you belong.
Of course I meant what Susan said. I didn’t say it but it was between the lines for sure! So Hawai’Ireland it is so. See ya there.
NaRocRoc – Don’t forget your grass skirt.
I might suggest you steer clear from my new home of the USA … I think you have more personal liquidity than the USA !
It’s already at the dry cleaners Grandad. If we’re gonna be sold I want to make an impression. Plus Vanish didn’t get all the stains out…
Moon – You can take that as read. As I said – you lot started it.
NaRocRoc – Try Sillit Pop or whateveritscalled?
I feel neglected. Was it England or Albania or Larah ?
We’ll all be under the NWO’s (new world order) control before long, I’m afraid.
I’d go down under, if it wouldn’t cost me an arm, leg, and kidney to get there! 🙂
I would like to be the real estate agent for the deal, 6% of the selling price,i would live very comfortably with that.
I think you’ll find that it was a draw in my favour.