Another nail in The Plank
We watched a film last night.
It was “Vantage Point” if anyone is interested. I enjoyed it, but this isn’t going to be one of those film reviews because your taste in films mightn’t be the same as mine.
At the end of the film, I ejected the DVD, and the television reverted back to the last channel we had been watching.
Up pops the Late Late Show.
My luck was in because The Plank was just finishing, and was doing his phone competition crap.
For those of you lucky enough not to experience The Plank, he has a competition each week where he phones some member of the public. They have to answer some question and he make a big deal about giving them a prize. You’d swear it was coming out of his own pocket.
God and his Disciples
The Plank loves it when the phone victim squeals in delight [“Ah! Is it yourself, Pat”] and his ego reaches yet uncharted heights. To this end, he tries [badly] to disguise his voice.
The phone was answered. “Is that Mary?” croaks The Plank like an asthmatic donkey.
“It is,” said the woman at the other end.
“Do you know who this is?” says The Plank, waiting for the adulation he expects.
“I do,” says the woman in a very bored voice.
The Plank was gutted at the lack of squeals, but he recovered and asked her the competition question. She answered it correctly in a tone normally reserved for a very irritating child.
“You have just won a weekend in Dublin, two tickets to the Late Late Toy Show and €10,000 spending money!! Who will you bring to the Toy Show?”
“I won’t be going to that,” answered the woman in the same unimpressed voice.
The Plank’s face fell. Someone was being given the chance to see him in the flesh, and they had turned him down. He looked like he had been bitch-slapped with a wet haddock.
He asked her to repeat her statement in the hope that his world wasn’t collapsing around his ears, but she was adamant – she was not interested in the Late Late.
In a fit of petulance worthy of a five year old, he ceremoniously withdrew the two tickets from his pocket and tore them up into little pieces.
The woman didn’t break down and beg for mercy. She wasn’t impressed at this wanton destruction of such highly prized items. She was unmoved.
The Plank asked her if she wanted the rest of the prize.
“Yes,” says she. “I’ll take the weekend and the money.”
Pat slammed the phone down. He had never heard such insolence. His gargantuan ego had taken a mighty battering. He was devastated.
He sat silent for a moment as he tried to come to terms with this shattering turn of events.
“I think it’s time for me to quit this job,” he muttered.
YES!!!!!!
Update
The clip has appeared on YouTube [And it proves my memory is nearly right]:
No such luck.
Please tell me this really did happen.
I had a friend (yes, had) who had a bit of an ego problem. In Plank’s shoes, it never never NEVER would have occured to him that the prizewinner was refusing Himself; he’d assume that she only refused out of a previous obligation on the scale of leading the next Space Shuttle expedition, and that she was as shattered as he was, and deserving consolation, such as a gracious and loudly sympathetic ‘AAAaaaaawwwwww’ from the audience.
You’ll let us know when the Toy Show’s over won’t you, and how it went? The memory of him kicking the dolly up the arse last year still gets a laugh in our house. But I’m not getting a TV in here, until that’s *over*.
Maxi – We can but hope and pray.
Susan – It happened. It was a joy to behold. I often thought of entering the competition in the hope that I would be picked. The woman answered exactly as I would have loved to answer. I could have written her script! It will be repeated on Monday night [I think] and I would love to edit the programme down to just that bit. It was beautiful.
I may watch the Toy Show simply because The Plank usually excels himself. I’m sure he has been warned, but the old ego must win!
I’m sans telly, but I will definitely check that out on the RTE website when it’s up. Priceless.
Oh wonderful!!! I’ve never seen the show and have no idea who you are talking about but I can visualise it brilliantly!!!! More of these people who host TV shows should be subjected to this. They might actually be worth watching then!!!!
Oh I enjoyed that. I was sitting in last night (again) but watching a very fine film on DVD called ‘Lars And The Real Girl’. It’s the story of a man who falls in love with a blow-up doll. I write this because, in every way, Plank has the personality of said doll. But not the looks.
What a tosser!!! Those tickets would’ve gone down well in an orphanage/special needs school somewhere, I can’t believe he tore them up! Pat Kenny is a tool.
It’s always delicious when a self important pompous oaf gets a healthy dose of comeuppance. Makes me think that there may be a god after all.
No YouTube clip? 🙁
I just did a snoop around and have discovered a YouTube clip of the phone call.
The trouble I go to for you lot……..
*sigh*
I love it! There’s a few late night “talents here in the States that could use the same treatment which is just another justification for Laurie and I for not having a TV for the last 10 years or so.
By the way…YouTube is dead. It was killed by disgruntled YouTuber’s who’ve had their unintentional nipple revealing videos removed by the Censors of Decency and Morals for all Stiff Necked Americans. The entire site is therefor completely blank, nothing but a clean plain of whiteness.
I will admit I thought you were making the whole thing up, as I never watch it.
But what a tossbag.
Kirk M – You mean you aren’t allowed see YouTube in the good old U. S. of A.? The land of the free? You ought to move to China!
Maxi – I am deeply hurt and offended. I never make anything up.
Nope, it simply means that YouTube has been down all day. Going to the site just shows a blank white page. All embedded videos are also blank accordingly…including yours. 😛
Live in China? Never! Blow it up? Possibly.
Oooookay. Soon as I open my mouth YouTube comes back online and so does your video, lovely.
Actually it was my logging into my Google account, sneaking in the back way and giving the server a couple of good swift kicks. I got back out before they caught me Don’t thank me though, just send money.
Hilarious. The looks on his face when she said she didn’t want to go was classic. I wouldn’t want to go myself, it’s gone downhill so much…
@Kirk M: YouTube was down?
I’d lay bets she never sees the money or the trip . . .
Brilliant!!! I wish I could meet that lady and shake her hand….
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AiK8z1G7nkg
Kirk M – So you managed to break YouTube all on your own? I’m impressed. Or maybe it was The Plank trying to get an injunction?
TheChrisD – I honestly think he imagines everyone in the world is dying to meet him. It is utterly inconceivable that someone should be offered tickets, yet refuse them.
Baino – Ha! We said the same thing. Now the world knows her name and the fact she was offered the trip, so if it doesn’t happen…… !
SHoop – She is my hero. I wonder if she’d do a guest blog?
That is hilarious! 🙂
* puts head above parapet *
I think he comes out of it better than you give him credit for. A few people i’ve spoken to since agreed with Pat’s response. A friend who hates RoboPlank even more than you Grandad, went as far as saying “I’ve new found respect for him after that”.
NaRocRoc – You really must stop talking to The Plank and his relations. Tearing up the tickets was childish in the extreme.
*shoots head sticking over pararpet*
maybe the woman was busy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7cbd7b7MKo
Interesting that she was clearly saying “sure you can raffle them” just as he went and tore them up. Does he listen to the callers at all?