Backslapping time
So the awards season has started.
Tonight see the first Big Bash – The Irish Web Awards.
I won’t be going for two reasons. The first is that the old bones are aching a bit these days. I blame the damp heather that I have to lie in when I’m waiting to ambush foreigners, up in the peaks. The second is that I’m not nominated. They didn’t have a category for Grumpy Blogs, so I entered for Best Government Website, but they told me to fuck off. Fair enough.
The Golden Spiders are at it again. I didn’t enter this year, despite all their pleadings. Entry for blogs is free, but anyone else has to pay €150 just to enter. Holy shit! You don’t get your money back if you aren’t shortlisted either. If you think that is bad, there is more. If you are nominated, you have to go to the function. Naturally you have to eat there [they won’t let you in as a spectator], and a seat at the table costs €300. I don’t like eating on my own at these functions, so that would set me back by €600. I could buy the table and chairs for that, and still have enough over for a takeaway curry? Anyway, what to I want with another spider on the shelf? Heh!
The Net Visionary awards are on too. I didn’t enter them either. Actually, I did, and discovered that I am barred from entry after the function they held for nominees last year. I don’t know what they are moaning about, as I didn’t do that much damage, and I strenuously deny all four charges of molestation.
The Digital Media Awards seem to have stalled. I went into their website and they are still happily announcing the awards to be held in February 2008. Someone should tell them.
In my book, that just leaves the Irish Blog Awards.
The IBA are something else. They don’t go in for any of that shite about ‘black tie’ or nomination fees. It is very informal, and great fun.
I went to my first one this year and had a great time. The people there were great fun and all have forgiven me and have dropped the charges.
It’s being held in Cork next year in February. They don’t know about me in Cork, so the female staff won’t have heard all those lies about me. Herself is coming too, but I have stashed away enough sleeping tablets to ensure that she won’t create any trouble.
I have booked into the hotel, so I won’t be driving. This means that I can let the hair down [if it hasn’t fallen out by then].
Of course the main reason I’m going is so Bock can buy me a pint.
He promised me one last time, but steered clear of me.
Tight bastard.
i’ll buy you a pint in Cork sir. Remind me. 🙂
I wont be attending any of them cos I’m anti-establishment.
No, wait, that’s not the word. Oh yeah, shite.
Cos I’m shite.
Don’t worry. I’ll prepare them all down here for your arrival in Cork. 🙂
I’m barred from Cork. Long story.
Doesn’t matter, won’t be shortlisted or nominated either way, my bribe cheque bounced.
Darragh – Make that five, and you’re on!
Thrifty & Maxi – The IBA are nothing to do with winning or losing. They are about getting pissed.
Robert – It’s OK. I’ll bring my own protection.
All right. All right.
We’ll go the day before, get hammered and turn up for the gig completely smashed.
Drink. Drugs. Latvian hookers.
Complan.
Bock – That sounds like a good plan. No one will notice how hammered we are, as the Zimmer Frames will keep us upright.
Thrifty, perhaps you and I can lobby for a Shite category at one of these things? Someone’s got to remember the Rest-Of-Us.
Cork?
JD said he was coming from the US and I assumed that they were in Dublin.
Well, that’s the end of that thought.
PS. How can Bock keep up his tradition of offending everyone if he buys you a pint? Have you joined the Pioneers?
I said I’d buy it. I didn’t say I’d give it to him. He can have it after it’s been digested a little.
The fact that I’m not going to Cork to pick up my award makes the whole thing redundant as an event.
I promise at the next awards I won’t be too shy to say hello…
Probably.
Raptureponies – Say hello if you like. I’ll probably be too shy to reply though.
I’m amazed how many awards there are now. Where are they all coming from?
But I’m not really bothered about them, since I will never win one anyway.
(Never won anything in my life, not even the Lotto…)