Cruise ship to sink in Caribbean
I was having a badly needed nap yesterday afternoon. I was knackered, and that nap was to be a lifesaver.
The phone rang.
“Hello! I am trilled to inform you that you have won a prize. You have won a Caribbean Cruise! Just press 9 to get the details of your prize and how to collect it.” Or words to that effect.
Two things struck me.
The first was Yer Woman’s accent. It was the worst type of American accent. It was high pitched and nasal, and it made my teeth ache. I swear there is a new crack in the window too.
The second was the way she pronounced ‘Caribbean’. She actually put the emphasis on the third syllable, which sounds so much nicer than the American habit of putting the emphasis on the second. I don’t know why Americans feel they have to fuck up spelling and pronunciation all the time, and this was a pleasant change, apart from the accent.
I pressed 9 without thinking, because I was still a bit dozy.
Then it occurred to me.
I hate the idea of cruises – being stuck on a floating lump of steel with a crowd of strangers, and having nothing to do all day except play tacky games or stare at the horizon. And why would I want to go to the Caribbean [whichever way it is pronounced] when it is full of Americans and hurricanes?
I hung up. I waited until the echoes of that horrible accent stopped screeching around inside my skull and went back to sleep.
Now, of course, I am wondering what I have done.
Some time next year, there is going to be a cruise. There will be an empty seat at the captain’s table, with Grandad written on it. They will be devastated. The captain will be so distracted that he will probably run the ship into something.
If a cruise ship sinks with all hands in the Caribbean next summer, don’t blame me.
Blame the bitch with the accent. She broke the golden rule –
Never phone Grandad when he is having his nap.
If the boat sinks there will be an emply seat in the lifeboat that someone else could have used.
I presume so. But they won’t be able to use it, because it is reserved in my name.
Cruises are also extremely boring for television/film.
Remember Speed 2: Cruise Control?
or that Aaron Spelling teen drama thing about the students that lived on a cruise ship?
Never watched the Speed films, and teen dramas are out too! The only decent cruise film was Poseidon Adventure and that was because it sank.
Check your next phone bill. Seriously.
gene hackman plays a priest?!
Never had you for the type who would be easily taken in – must have been ‘cos you were half asleep!
SinisterDan – Thanks for the warning! I hung up as soon as I hit the 9. If hadn’t been half asleep they wouldn’t have nearly caught me.
BBB – What?
Kate – Hah! I just posted my last comment when yours came in. See the bit about being half asleep? 😆
No comments from Americans so far. I wonder why. Maybe the four slurs in one post.
Gandad overheard at the captain’s table. “All that money we paid and we have to sit with the crew.”
TT – Slurring Americans? Me?
Since when did you enter something to win one?
TheChrisD – I am tempted to make a very rude joke about my womanising days here, but I won’t…
As for Americans mispronouncing words, all of my French, Italian, and German friends blame it on our association with the British, Welsh, Scots and Irish.
any more of those cruise missiles left? maybe you can spare us the wait
Jim C – I maintain that the Irish people are to only ones what can talk proper.
Dankoozy – Funny you should say that….. I have just ordered a new consignment on eBay.
Was it a real person? I’ve recently been getting automated calls with pre recorded messages. They’re quite creepy but easier to hang up on!
I hope on of those cruise missiles is for those Turkish hackers, Grandad 🙂
yeah, i agree with you on the “do not disturb the nap” thing. for years now i’ve just cut the ringer completely off, then I can pick and choose when and if I want to call you back…bitchy, I know…but then 🙂
JA – It was a recording of a real person. I don’t know how you classify that?
TheChrisD – I delat with them ages ago. Do you not watch the news? I don’t think Turkey exists any more…
Prin – I would like to do that but Herself gets annoyed. I would rather face a cold caller than an irate Herself.
you were lucky you hung up after you listen you learn you pay for the flights out there yourself,plus all food and drinks, and stay in their hotel for a week. the cruise worth about 3 pounds in old money and is in the huricane season.and by now you have run up a 100 euro on your phone.plug out your phone from now on during your nap
This was an hysterical post.. Really funny and true too. Sorry, didn’t see this box at the end of your comment section and that was why I couldn’t comment. Believe me, you’re not too far off the mark. We actually went on one of those “cheap” ha ha cruises. Firstly, we were stuck in a “cupboard” with two small children. Secondly, nothing was for nothing. A glass of wine cost $8.00 and there wasn’t that much else to do. We ate with the children for a week because the fancy dress up dinners didn’t cater to the young uns. My husband and myself did nothing but fight like cat and dog. The woman in the cabin next to us smoked illegal drugs and coughed like someone on their last legs. It was the worst “holiday” we ever experienced. Not to mention the day it took in queues just to get ON to the boat. Then you couldn’t even bring on a cheap bottle of wine when you got to get off – they confiscated it. Would rather charge you and arm and a leg for one of their own. Wise move to skip that cruise – wise move and thanks for the great laugh! (Glad she got “Carribean” right though – that drives me crazy! 🙂 🙂
Heh! It looks like I did the right thing!
Welcome Tricia 🙂 I think if I had been in your shoes, I would have spent the voyage in with the woman next door. She had the right idea.
I just got the exact same call 15 min ago but hang up before pressing 9 since I figured it was a scam of some sort. I regret it a little bit now, not that I was interested in the trip, but I would have liked to learn a little bit more about the crooks. So I googled her opening frase and found your page. Weird thing is that I live in Sweden, and I’ve never had a similar call before (from a recorded caller). Maybe they use some internet service to place calls cheaply all over the world?
Googling further I found out that calls like this are more common in the US. The ‘scam’ consists of giving you little (“cruise”) and then charging a lot for everything else (various fees etc), i.e. as Trishia outlined above, a classic scam scheme.
Welcome Epsiloneri! They must have started a new campaign because I got one last Friday. It’s the only one I have received since I wrote the article above!
Hi, I’m from Belgium and just got called. I did not press 9 but just hooked up again. I’m going to press charges at the police.
I never believe these kind off things. Only the sun ‘s for free in this world…
Welcome, Ed. So they are still at it? I wonder if it’s the same cruise that still hasn’t sailed……..