Golf
It was a long time since I had a good game of golf.
Yesterday, it struck me as being the perfect chance for a round.
We have had a very unseasonable period of very dry weather, and there has been a lot of sunshine. Also we have had a couple of visits from our K8’s dog Wouldya. The material was plentiful and in perfect condition.
I was sorry last night to see Bock launch such a vitriolic attack on such a fine game. He has obviously never played the game properly, as the satisfaction of sending a quarter pound dog turd flying in an open car window has to be experienced before the true subtleties of the game can be appreciated. I must invite him for a round sometime.
I had a fine time.
My golfing skills have improved immeasurably. Using a driver, I was able to sail turds off into the next parish. Using my irons, I was able to loft magnificent examples of dog excrement into the various neighbouring properties.
I didn’t score any eagles or albatrosses. I did score a magpie, which surprised him no end.
Incidentally, I have a little message for my neighbour.
I hope you enjoyed your barbeque. It smelled delicious from my place.
One thing though. That large frankfurter…. I’m not quite sure how to put this…. It wasn’t a frankfurter. It was a rather neat shot from beside my pond.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I did.
I play once maybe twice a year, with some of my Office colleagues. Dick treats it as a four hour walk to the Office. Mr. W cannot count (we can) and by the time we reach the 15th not only is he 3 over (his count) but his diabetes kicks in. A visit to the Office is in order. RubberNeck can’t play and wears denims 2 sizes too small. If it rains he will smell at the office. Me ? I have a gigantic leather Rams bag 30 years old, with a full set of Rams in there. Plus last years biscuit&Raisin bar, spar golf balls, a full bottle of ballygown best before 31.12.98, and my tabs. Do I hate golf? It’s a means to an end – the Office. Is it a sport? Is Darts? Olympic diving?
Golf is an easy target.
A bit of moaning, Grandad: the ending is tasteless and unnecessary, in my humble reader’s opinion. From “a message to neighbour” on.
Shouldn’t be on television, and they should give golf grants to tramps to try and remove the upper class feel.
Kerryview – Golf as a means to an end? Yes, I suppose it is. You get an excuse to go to the Office [do you need an excuse?] and I clear the lwans before mowing them.
Jedrzej – You can’t argue with the facts. I only write about what happens. I doubt it was tasteless though – I’ll ask the neighbour.
I don’t even think about arguing with facts, I’m just considering the necessity of revealing them.
Was it really unavoidable to inform the general public about your neighbour’s culinary adventures?
I much prefer badminton – using snails as the shuttlecock and my neghbour’s fence as the net – I’m getting really rather good!
thanks to jedrzej, I am now interested in the turd, not the golf. Considering that the neighbour ate the item, either he is a terrible cook or the turd was indeed tasty. Which begs the question, what type of turd was left beside the pond? I trust Grandad was not up to his nocturnal habits. I think we need to be told.
thank again jedrzej. (I have added you to my spell check, it’s easier).
To tell the truth I though it looked like Wouldye copped the five iron . .double take . .now I’m totally embarrassed that I can’t tell the difference between a poo and a bitza.
You stinker, Grandad! I’m sitting in a shared office where things are all terribly serious, quiet and official. My sudden guffaw, with the accompanying jet of citrus splash diet coke from my nose has done nothing for my reputation as a woman of standing in my field!
Hmmm, maybe you should try and limit your golfing to the Wii Sports golf game? I’m not too sure golf is supposed to be used for malicious purposes 😉
BBB – Some tramps did sign up, but they became even more upper class than the upper class.
Jedrzej – I was more concerned with informing my neighbours. But I think the hospital has just done that.
Kate – Hah! I do that too. Slugs too.
Kerryview – As I didn’t know where it was about to land, I didn’t pay too much attention. I think it was a Wouldya Special. The neighbour isn’t noted for his culinary skills, so he probably just thought he had over/under cooked it?
Baino – What’s a bitza?
Karyn – I am getting pissed off with people blaming me for ruining their screens/keyboards/reputation. It’s up to you to keep yourself under control.
TheChrisD – You will never catch me with one of those WII things. And I wasn’t using golf for malicious skills. I was using it to improve my swing and to clean the lawns before mowing them.
The picture is cute- you would be a hoot playing pro on the Senior tour…
I have one neighbor I wouldn’t mind lobbing a few at- she seems to take great pains in public displays of hen pecking and terrorizing children. A regular girl bully- she makes the rest of us women look like trolls.
Can you hit one over the pond? I live on the cul de sac behind the elementary school in Sheboygan Wisconsin USA- her house is the white duplex on my right side. If you hit her or the front door I’ll wire you a buck. Just so you know though a dollar can’t get you much anymore…
Michelle – For me to drive a turd across the Atlantic and hit a specified front door, I would require more than one miserable dollar. Make it worth my while and I’ll give it a try.
Which would you like? A Sandy Splatter or a Wouldya Wonder?
I office wish office I office could office play office golf.
I got five kids so I am broke- how about I throw in a couple of buy one get one free coupons for Burger King… you got Burger King in Ireland right?
TT – All you need are office clubs and an office dog?
Michelle – We do have Burger Kings here. I avoid them [and McDonalds] like the plague.
He has enough to cope with without adding mad cow disease!
We have Burger King unfortunately. We also have much fatter people than we used to, but there’s probably no connection.
“We do have Burger Kings here. I avoid them [and McDonalds] like the plague.”
Oh geez I am sorry to hear you still have the plague in Ireland… I’d throw in some Starbucks coupons but I have heard they have real street value.
Saw the comment about Wii golf- I got to Wii-nie bowl the other day on my kids system and I have to say I am a much better Wii-nie bowler then I play in real life.
Bock – When are you dropping over for a real game of golf?
Michelle – They are the places we get the plague. I’ll get myself a WII when they produce my version of golf on it.
So that’s what real tennis was.
Jayzus, but I wouldn’t dare play tennis with the same material. Would you fancy a misshapen turd exploding just above your head?
Justin Barrett?
Heh! He’d make a mess all right.
Ah – finally a good reason to play golf! Over here where the power gadgets are all the fad, I’ve had fantasies of cobbling together the pooper scooper and one of those leaf blowers — pooperscooperblower – high-velocity reminder to the neighbor that he’s not picking up after his dog! :-}
Cathy – I never thought of leaf blowers. That is brilliant. All I have to do is narrow down the nozzle a bit, and start blasting shite all over the neighbourhood. Thanks!
I don’t know about your golf skills, GD, but your Photoshop skills are second to none.
RhodesTer – That is a fine photograph, isn’t it? Herself took it just before she got the Wouldya Special right in the face. What’s Photoshop?