I was in a bad mood yesterday. I was also tired, which is a dangerous combination.
I was having a quiet doze in my armchair, thinking pleasant thoughts about murdering politicians when the phone rang.
I looked at the display for the number – UNAVAILABLE.
Now that means only one thing – a cold caller. They are too damned chicken to display their numbers. But it gave me a chance to work up a nice head of steam.
I let it ring a few times and answered it.
"What?" I barked.
There was a woman on the other end of the line. Now, there are accents and there are accents. There are some Irish accents that grate on my nerves, and some English ones too. But this woman had the worst American accent I have ever heard. And her voice was like a nail being dragged across glass. She had a high screechy voice that set my nerves at breaking point.
She started into her waffle by saying that she was from ABC and DEF and that she was doing some market re……
"Oy!" I shouted.
There was a pause.
"I beg your pardon?" she screeched.
"Fuck off" I said.
There was an even longer pause.
"I just wanted to know if you could spare some time to answ…"
"I said fuck off" I said.
"…answer a few questions?" she screeched.
"I hate cold callers" I replied. I had to admire her thick skin.
"You hate what?"
"Yes. What you are. You rang me. I never gave you permission to ring me. You are a cold caller."
There was another long pause. I thought she was going to argue the toss.
"Thank you for taking the call." she said in a far less screechy voice, and hung up.
I know she was only doing her job, but by working for whatever shower it was, she was knowingly promoting the spamming of private telephone lines.
It is spam. And it’s nice to be able to tell a spammer to fuck off.