Cold callers
I have found a new tactic for dealing with cold callers.
I got tired of asking them for proof of identity.
Voice: Am I speaking to Grandad?
Me: You are.
Voice: Hello. I’m from TalkTalk.
Me: Fuck off.
Voice: Pardon?
Me: I don’t like cold callers. Fuck off.
Voice: But I can save you lots of money.
Me: Go away.
Voice: Do you not want to save lots of money?
Me: No. I love wasting money.
Voice [sounding surprised]: You like wasting money?
Me: Yes. I hate the stuff. I can’t get rid of it fast enough. It took me a long time to find the most expensive phone company and I’m not changing now.
Voice: Are you serious?
Me: Absolutely. I keep selling my things so I can burn the cash in the fire.
Voice: You…..? I mean……? And you……?
Me: Can you promise me you are more expensive than anyone else?
Voice: Thank you for taking our call.
*Click*
Did you invite the cold caller to come around to your blazing fire and warm his tootsies?
Hah! What do you think? 🙂
I like your approach Grandad but this one is also pretty good
http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/
Excellent! I like it. I used to tell them I’d go and get me (or whoever it was they wanted to speak to) and leave them hanging until they decided they’d be better off calling someone else. Then I felt mean and I stopped doing that. Going ex-directory is less hassle!
Shouldnt you be burning Yugos instead of dollars ?
Oh that’s way more fun than my boring way of getting rid of them. I wonder if I could pull it off without totally cracking up,lol…too funny!
Quickroute – That is classic!!! I would love to be able to pull a stunt like that.
JA – I might try that one. Though I’d put a slight variation on it – put it on speaker phone and then hold a conversation with someone in the room about nuisance callers?
TT – American dollars. They’re worthless anyway…
Tanya – Just convince yourself that what you are saying is true. I got quite irate with him in my quest to dispose of cash!!
I haven’t gotten a live phone solicitor in YEARS over here.. it all seems to be computer generated these days, which is entirely infuriating because there’s nobody to tell “fuck off”.
When you answer, a prerecorded message starts into a spiel and if you’d like to order whatever it is, you push #2 on your touch tome phone, or something.. I think.. I never got that far.
A small child, with lots to say is very useful in these situations.
Give said child phone and retreat to kitchen with large whiskey.
I only have a cell phone. I haven’t had a landline phone since July 2005 and I haven’t had a cold call since.
Just play a pirate recording of Dustin the Turkey into the speaker and take a sip of brandy.