My trees eat lorries — 24 Comments

  1. Please accept the full cooperation and assistance from the Peoples Of Canuckastan. I can send one or two of the lads over to beat him like a baby seal if you like.

  2. Cranky – Thank you very much for your kind offer of assistance, even during these troubled times with the war on Canada and all. No need to worry. Setting TAT on him is a fate worse than death.

    Shane – Only one?

  3. Send coordinates for target immediately.
    Dubya has another “spy satellite” to shoot down.

  4. You got it right at the start. He doesn’t give a damn about scratches on eircom’s vans, or devaluing his neighbours houses. I’m betting somewhere that the council used the narrow road as a reason when they rejected his last application. Or worse still, maybe he wants actual permission (this time) for his haulage crap, hence the obsession with being wide enough for trucks. The rest is all fluff.

    Fight fire with fire. The red squirrel is heading to become an endangered species. You should apply for your trees to be designated as a protected wildlife reserve 🙂

  5. Andrew – I heard tell that he had been reported for illegal use of his property, and that this is why he is having to pay for a storage yard. So you could have hit the nail bang on the head. I may have to shoot the squirrel though as evidence because he is extremely elusive.

  6. 1) Highly envious of your gaff as described.
    2) He’s a shitehawk. If he wants suburbia I’ll swap houses with him, he’s welcome to it. Give me wild rural landscapes with excess trees
    any day.

  7. Thrifty – It’s a beautiful place [apart from the odd neighbour]. Talking of shitehawks, I’ve just been watching a kestrel sheltering in one of the trees from the wind.

    You are more than welcome to swap. We badly need people who appreciate what this place has to offer.

  8. Well said Par, well said. You definately have TAT insensed. He’s waxing his helmet as we speak and is fully prepared to go to the mattresses. Speaking of which, why not break into Digger’s house and leave a decapitated squirrel on his pillow? You’ve been far too mellow so far…

  9. K8 – I’m a mellow person. You should know that. I beat it into you often enough as a child.

    Glad to hear TAT is waxing his helmet [?]. Could you take him off all medication about six hours before the meeting, please? I want him to be his ‘normal’ self.

    I wouldn’t harm a squirrel, and you know it. Would decapitating one of his kids have the same effect?

  10. Roy – I missed you in the rush. You have a very good point. I’m combating Global Warming? The trees will have to go. I want heat.

    Sixty – There is no way that I am sending coordinates. That Dubya is a rotten shot, and he’s more than likely to remove what’s left of Bristol.

  11. Suburbia? No, he has a condition called OCDI. That’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Interferus. That means that he cannot control his need to interfere in other peoples lives and believes he is always right. And betcha he can quote you a couple of verses from the Bible to back him up.

    Have a raffle down the pub, raise enough to send him off to America, they need another Control Freak God-Communicating President with an obsession for gathering up all the “untidy” and putting them in Guantanmo.

    Wonder who might be backing him a hand!!! And why? All that untidy land just waiting for some development. Go for it Head Rambles.

  12. Andrew has a point, if you can photograph your ‘wildlife’ you may well get a protection order for the trees. I’m with Thrifty on suburbia as it encroaches on my back fence with it’s neat little gardens and lap pools. Stick to your guns Grandad!

  13. After eight hundred years of oppression we Irish value our land. In fact it is only two hundred years since we were in a position to own our own piece of green. We know our boundaries. Grandad is not a man to mess with. So in the words of my Man I say FUCK OFF if you don’t like it here. Move next door to IKEA. You’ll be in heaven.

  14. Aineliva – That sounds like him all right. There has been a history of this kind of carry on ever since he moved into the area. A sad day that was. I would send him to the White House, but Dubya was enough for one century.

    TT – The meeting will probably be a damp squib. There was one last year where everyone just agreed with everything that was said, and then fell asleep.

    Baino – That damn squirrel is so elusive!! There have been periods when he is out on the lawn several times a day for a week. Then we mightn’t see him for a year. I haven’t seen him this year at all. I love my wild patch. I have left rotting tree trunks lying on the ground for the insects and the like. There is plenty of dense undergrowth and high trees. The wildlife loves it!

    Shane – Fair enough. How many times to I reload?

    Granny – I’m surprised at you 😮 *heh!*

  15. We have people like Mr. Digger over here too, except they don’t have Irish accents and they probably smell better, although that part’s not certain.

  16. RhodesTer – I haven’t a clue what he smells like and have no wish to find out. *shudder*

    Shawn – We shall see?

  17. I know several currently unemployed mercenaries Grandad & I’m sure they’ll help you out, should you require their ‘assistance’ *coff*
    This twat sounds like a bully. Time for you to put him in his place methinks. He doesn’t deserve to live in such a lovely little spot. Take no prisoners Grandad – both barrels & a few spares from me!

  18. Grandad,

    Surprised that you have to ask the question. Keep going until:

    (a) you run out of cartridges (but really, that would just be bad planning)

    (b) your arm gets tired (but that won’t happen to someone as fit/driven by rage as you)

    (c) there is nothing left to shoot.

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