The government is becoming increasingly concerned at the level of personal debt in this country.
Borrowing has risen to an unprecedented high, with debt now running at over twice the national income.
The government commissioned a study that showed that the vast majority of this debt was down to the phenomenon known as ‘retail therapy’. This little understood phenomenon causes women to spend money for no apparent reason other than self gratification.
Mary Hegarty of 15 The Glade, Tipperstown, Co Dublin, who wishes to remain anonymous is quoted as saying “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have debts of €247,000 that my husband doesn’t know about. I have 12,356 pairs of shoes that are all the wrong size, but I have to keep spending. I am so depressed.” With that, Mary [which is her real name] headed off to Liffey Valley Shopping Centre with a new credit card to cheer herself up.
A government spokesman has pointed out that should the financial institutions decide to call in the debts, that every man woman and child will have to work for two years, handing over their entire wages to the institutions. “It is unlikely that many people will survive for two years without food” he said.
To try to limit this excessive spending the Minister for Finance, Brian Cowan is to introduce emergency legislation which will come into effect on the 1st of April this year. From that date, every woman must be accompanied by her spouse or partner when paying for goods. All credit cards issued to women are to be withdrawn and cash must be used instead. “If you don’t have it, you can’t spend it,” Mr Cowan said.
When asked about the expected backlash from women he said “They brought it on themselves. Men are sensible and have a natural aversion to shops. This ‘retail therapy’ is nothing more than spending for the sake of spending. It must be stopped.”
The legislation is expected to lead to massive job losses in the fashion and accessory trade. “That’s their tough shit,” said Cowan. “They are cashing in on the women of Ireland and selling stuff that is priced out of all proportion. Why have a Gucci handbag when a plastic bag will do the same job?”
No one from beaut.ie was available for comment.