Did Darwin have his day?
When you live in the mountains, there are certain things you know by instinct.
You know you should always have a good supply of candles, fuses, bottled gas and of course pipe tobacco. Because you never know when there is going to be a power cut, or the roads are going to be blocked by snow.
You know that there are certain things you should not do. Like put up anything that is likely to be blown over, or let yourself run low in pipe tobacco.
But there is one golden rule.
Never drive up to the top of the mountains in the snow.
I got a phone call yesterday.
It was from a very old friend of mine. Actually he’s younger than me but we’ve known each other for over fifty years.
The twat had driven up onto the mountains in the snow and had ended in a ditch. He wanted me to tow him out.
I had to think long and hard.
I decided that what he did was the height of stupidity, and that the laws of Darwin must prevail. For the sake of the human gene pool, he must suffer the consequences. Future generations will be stronger, and they will thank me. I made myself another cup of tea and relaxed.
But then I remembered playing games on summer days when we were kids, and what fun we had.
Fuck it! I went up and collected him and his wife. I left his car in the ditch though to teach him a lesson.
On the way back, through the snow, we met three cars heading up.
The first was an Irish car. I stopped him and told him that the road ahead of him was extremely dangerous. He thanked me, turned around and followed me back.
The second was a tourist, I gave them a wave as I drove past.
The third was a boy racer in a souped up sports car who shot along the mountain road, doing about sixty. He didn’t realise there was a load of ice and snow on the road around the next bends.
Maybe Darwin had his day after all?
Saw a muppet last night in a 1988 Toyota Corolla whip up the main street and up the hill by my house with a handbrake turn. I was almost willing the idiot to crash. And the place covered in ice!
Whatever about himself, he could very easily take someone innocent with him. I’m seriously thinking about coating the road outside my place with nails at night time.
How did you know the second car was a tourist? Did it have a large flashing sign with red letters announcing this fact?
Now I know that as a young man, I never did anything quite as crazy as driving much too fast up a dangerous mountain in the snow. It would be just crazy. Unthinkable. Yep, sounds like my youth, not thinkin, and doing crazy dangerous things on the sides of mountains(or hills as we called em where I come from). Somehow, however, I escaped the wrath of Mr Darwin. So far at least.
Robert – Two inch felt roofing nails are the lads for the job, and plenty of them [but remember to sweep ’em up before you drive out yourself!!].
Brianf – I know a foreign registration plate when I see one. And it was left hand drive. I’m not stooopid.
Scott – I think we all probably did crazy things. But the kids these days just have to be crazier. I blame MTV.
It snows in Ireland? I never knew that! (Stooopid tourist, I know….)
Of course it does Olga. Usually [but not always] in winter. It rains too, the odd time. I thought you were well traveled?