Tenacity
The neighbours are at it again.
A couple of months ago, they really annoyed me by banging and hammering. Incidentally, I’m talking about building works, not their sex life.
You all know I’m a very placid bloke who wouldn’t harm a fly. The only reason I shoot tourists is because Dubya told me to.
However, this lot got on my nerves. I was forced into a position where I had to take drastic action. I had to remove the builders. They all moved to the landfill.
It has been very peaceful since. The timbers on their building have been turning a nice brown colour as the rot sets in. I have even introduced a large colony of woodworm that I extracted from the back of a wardrobe. I thought that would be it. I could sneak in some night and quietly remove the concrete bits, and that would be the end of it.
But the buggers are back.
They are sawing or drilling or something. Whatever it is they are doing is causing great clouds of dust to fly past the window in the gale that’s blowing at the moment. And the noise is getting on my nerves again.
It isn’t a particularly nice day. I have seen worse [like Saturday] but it’s not a day for lying out in the sun. It’s not a day for relaxing in the garden. It’s certainly not a day for taking up a sniping position.
But what must be done, must be done.
I reckon George W must be behind this after your insult to his nation yesterday!
He’s probably commissioned a watchtower to be built so that they can keep an eye on you 😉
I wouldn’t step outside whatever else you do, Grandad.
Whatever you do, please let me know as I will probably have to take a similar stand against a proposed development at the back of my house and I’d be grateful for any advice, militant or otherwise.
My fault. I told the developer that the plastic sheet they were using to stop the roof leaking had blown off.
He mentioned having to source a new crew to work on the site, as the others had ‘gone missing’.
I kept stumm . . .
Steph – I wasn’t insulting, just being pragmatic. It would take more than that to keep me indoors.
Jack – I recommend high calibre, low velocity, hollow-point ammunition. It’s messy but very effective. It’s not much fun though – like shooting fish in a barrel.
Neighbour – You want to watch it… Aiding and abetting noise pollution? Why does it take an electric saw to cut up plastic sheeting?
Thanks for keeping stumm. And I’m sorry about the one who cartwheeled into your greenhouse, the last time.
Get a couple of these and modify them a small bit. With the right modifications, you can sit back and relax 🙂
Nice one, Niall. I think I could easily replace the foam disks with rip-saw blades and tone down the noise level a bit.
The neighbours will have to keep their cats indoors though.
Maybe they are putting up their christmas decorations? should be some sight if they are putting that much effort into it.
Grandad
I’m just back from my daily constitutional outdoors and spotted a sign outside a local hostelry which read…
“New carvery menu. Now taking X-Mass bookings” 😀
Robert – It might help if they put a roof on first?
Steph – Those booking are for people who are on their way home from Mass, or for people who used to go to Mass, but don’t any more.
If I venture out for a Sunday paper at church chuck-out time, I nearly get mown down by the crowds so I reckon mass bookings will be needed alright 😉
Grandad,
How many times need I tell you; less than one chain use the pistol(large calibre, low velocity), from one to nine chains use the AR15(.223 loaded with the 75grain HPBT*) and longer than nine chains use the long range rifle I sent you chambered in 6.5/284 (use the 124 grain HPBT’s*).
*Hollow Point Boat Tail
Fashion a couple of arrow flints,gather a few chicken bones and a bit of earthen pottery and chuck them on their site.
Then call the National Museum saying you think you have discovered a stone age site.
Might give you a couple of months reprieve?
Hey you could even throw your pipe in too.
Really confuse them?
Grandad,
I agree with Brianf but if you choose the AR 15 and it happens to have a “full auto” mode, try not to use it (although it’s great fun). The barrel has a tendency to lift, you use up your ammo too quick and it tends to attract the neighbors…and law enforcement.
BTW, it was real ecologically friendly of you to move the first crew to the landfill instead of moving them to say, under your neighbors back lawn. Nice touch there.
Brian – That’s exactly what I said… High calibre, low velocity. We don’t want the bullet passing through without doing its job? Do we?
SID – A good idea on the face of it, but our “Green” Minister for the Environment would promptly order a motorway through the area. I’d rather the building works.
KirkM – I like to do my bit for the environment [even if the Minister doesn’t]. I’m a tidy sort of chap. I don’t like to leave bodies lying around. It’s unhygienic.
Pity it wasn’t today as the weather is very mild but the wind might knock your aim.
Flirty – When you live in the mountains as long as I have, you learn to compensate for the wind. Herself is the exception though. She still complains every night.