I was browsing the Interweb during the week and came across a nice little [?] post on EireRules.
Now I would have a problem with one or two of them.
Take for example – 4. The average Irish adult spends 3,500 euro a year on alcohol.
For God’s sake! Have they not heard about the price of drink here? That only amounts to a couple of pints a night. I bet Bertie would spend that much at one sitting. But then he can afford to.
Then there’s 7. The Irish eat 12 million cream eggs between New Years Day and Easter.
What? Where the f*ck did that come from? That’s weird.
9. 90% of married Irish men would consider having an affair while on a foreign holiday without their spouse or children.
This is surely an understatement. I would say nearer 100%. Whether they do anything about it is a different matter. And who would consider having an affair on holiday with their children? That’s disgusting.
10. The Irish buy 20 million cigarettes a day.
Hah! Up yours Harney!! And that doesn’t count pipe tobacco.
11. Experts believe that the average price of a 3-bedroom house in Dublin will rise to 250,000 by 2005.
Yiz wouldn’t get a dog kennel for that. Though prices are now dropping below the million mark, I hear.
14. The average Irish married couple has sex one and a half times a week.
How do you have sex half a time? Are they referring to solo jobs?
18. 63% of all Irish people think that corrupt politicians should be made bankrupt and then imprisoned.
Make that 99%. [The current government is the other 1%]
19. 73% of Americans are unable to locate Ireland on a map bereft of country names.
Just what I have been saying all along. Americans are thick. I know where they are though. *heh*
20. Bra sales in Ireland increased by 4 million between 1998 and 1999.
Holy sh*t! Or are they misinterpreting the budget quote about Irish tax figures that were expected to rise by 4 million?
22. Less than two percent of the Irish population have been bitten by poisonous snakes.
False. 100% The tax people are poisonous snakes.
25. Ireland has one of the lowest rates of crime against tourists in the western world.
This is brilliant news. It means the Irish Tourist Shooting Association’s propaganda campaign is working perfectly.
27. The average Irish family is made up of two parents and two point nine children.
.9 of a child? What bit is missing?
36. In 1907, Bernard Murphy legally swapped his daughter for three cows and a sheep at a Donegal market.
Damnit! I hoped they wouldn’t find out about that!
38. Almost 100% of Irish Catholic children take a pledge to stay away from alcohol until they are eighteen. Only 2% of them actually stick to it.
Yeah. Right! At the age of ten or whatever. I broke mine that night.
40. Dublin boasts one pub for every 120 head of population.
This was obviously before the smoking ban. Now it’s one pub for every 120,000 of the population.
44. An album only needs to sell 5,000 copies to top the Irish music charts.
That explains why there are so many crap bands around.
45. A book only needs to sell 3,000 copies to top the Irish best seller’s list.
Ditto – Cecelia Ahern.
47. 89% percent of the population were in favour of permanently separating Northern Ireland from the Republic.
Just pass me the chain saw…..