Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics — 16 Comments

  1. “36. In 1907, Bernard Murphy legally swapped his daughter for three cows and a sheep at a Donegal market.”

    He fancied a change then. With inflation the way it is, I wonder how much he’d get for her now?

  2. Ah, Grandad. Where do you find these gems?

    #9: the Irish men who would ‘consider’ an affair…you’re right. It’s certainly 100%. But when so many of them have a personal style that includes woolly jumpers with holes and 15-year-old trousers, and their best pick-up line is “Aren’t ye a fine-lookin’ gurl yerself– diz ye haff any LAND?”, we wives are content to let them give it a go…if only for the laugh while we enjoy a clean and fresh-smelling house for a week or so. (You can’t imagine how encouraging it is for us, to find an articulate and sophisticated gentleman like yourself to represent us all that wee bit better…)

    #20: I suspect the rising bra sales are directly proportionate to the rising obesity statistics. What ladies can’t attain by genes they can certainly achieve by an additional four or five stone, and all that extra has to go somewhere. A good bra simply gives the extra flesh a bit of well, OOMPH. Shall we say.

    #25: A low crime rate against tourists is necessary, if you want them to return one day so that you can repeatedly drive in front of their rental cars with your Massive Ferguson to slow them down to 15kph….hey, I spent a lot of money on the bloody thing, I’m going to have fun with it.

    #47: I must admit to belonging to the pro-Border camp, in spite of being a Borderlander with very different feelings. ‘Cause if the Brits leave, where am I going to find a post office that will deliver a shoebox-sized parcel in under five months, and for less than a gazillion euros? Not here…

    Number 46, however, is the most inspiring and marvellous news I’ve heard in months, if it’s true. It seems there’s hope for us artistic (unemployed) types yet.

    Thanks for the early-morning smile!

  3. Susan – Where do I find them? I don’t know. Where do other people find them so I can rob them?

    #9: My old line of “Fancy a shag” never seemed to work very well all right. I think Irish men lack something here.

    #20: Population of 3.5 million = approx 1.75 million women of whom 1 million possibly wear a bra. So suddenly in one year they buy four new bras each???? Maybe it was Mary Harney?

    #25: I’m very happy about this. We certainly don’t want to discourage tourists. We need their cash before we kill ’em.

    #47: I would have been in favour of the North, but they introduced the smoking ban there too. So they can go.

    #46: ? Nah! If I were to go anywhere it would be France. But I’m quite happy here.

  4. I certainly wouldn’t mind a youtube’d vid of an enraged Grandad chainsawing furiously at the ground, with befuddled northern irish borderguards spectating in the background.

  5. Unfortunately the one about the map is probably true, but there are a few exceptions. I remember on a particular forum, someone had posted a pic of Europe from space. It was from one of the satellite map thingys. Anyway, I remember someone posting, “What’s that green bit there on the left?” Yeah, that was you guys 🙂

  6. Stepford M – Don’t forget, 27% can find us! And 95% of those come over here in the summer. [22% go back alive]

  7. Ah Grandad, only you can turn the list into a magnificent post, this is why you deserve the No. 1 spot…now if only I had thought of all those bits ‘n pieces….you inspire.

  8. We do love our cream eggs though.

    A mate of mine lives in Austria, and I usually get over once a year – Easter is a good time cos it’s bigger than Christmas over there almost.

    The one thing he asks for to be brought over?

    Creme eggs. Loads of them. Can’t get them over there, and he becomes an hero in Innsbruck for having them.

  9. Natalie – It’s just that I have a warped mind.

    OFTR – I admire your generosity, but surely 4 million is a bit over the top?

    Maureen – A weird theory, but you might be on to something there. I’ll leave it up to others to do research.

  10. Grandad most Americans cant find North Dakota never mind Ireland, course the ones that are from there do have a head start.

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