Ireland is the fastest country in Europe
You may or may not be aware that the pint is safe.
The E.U. in all its wisdom has decided that the U.K. and Ireland may retain our imperial measurements, like the mile and the pound [weight, not money] and the pint.
A couple of years ago, the government spent a fortune metricating our speeds on the roads. All the speed limit signs had to be changed and we were inundated with advertising and little reminder stickers to put on our windscreens.
I even got the instruments in my car metricated.
So where do we stand now?
I rang the Department yesterday to find out. I eventually got onto a very nice girl, but she seemed a bit upset.
I asked her what she was upset about, and she told me that she was sitting in the dark, because the new Green minister, John Gormley wouldn’t allow them use electricity as it was environmentally unfriendly. So she had no light or computer and hadn’t been able to update her Bebo account in weeks. I pointed out she could do that from home, but apparently she can’t find her way out of the office, because Gormley had the windows bricked up to save heat, and it’s so dark in there that she can’t find the door.
It seems she has been surviving all summer by eating memos and drinking Tippex. But she’s bursting to go to the loo.
I asked her what the situation was, now that we are back to driving miles instead of kilometers, and presumably speeding at miles per hour and not kilometers per hour. I asked if they were going to change all the speed signs back again.
She said that they still had all the old signs and were keeping them in storage along with the electronic voting machines. However, she said that they wouldn’t be replacing them again as it would cost too much, and would confuse too many people.
So they have decided we can interpret the signs as we wish. When you see a speed limit sign that says 100, you can interpret that as 100 mph, or 100kph.
She said she’d confirm that by email as soon as she could find her way out, and could get to the nearest Internet cafe.
So, in the meantime, I’m heading off for the nearest motorway to see if I can hit 120 miles per hour.
C’mon . . it’s your obligation as an old fella to drive 20ks an hour just to piss off the wankers in Subaru WRX doof doof cars! 120 indeed! Act your age!
Metric? Some of the people I know haven’t yet gone decimal, I get callers at the door, asking me, “Would you have a few shillings to spare?”
– off to that part of the UK attached to this jurisdiction where the law has gone bonkers
You wouldn’t stand a chance up there, Grandad, they’d have you locked up for saying the things you say!
What a great idea!
They are trying to metricize us here also. Maybe we are going to join the EU. Just last night I stopped and bought a bottle of water. The label states that it contains 33.8 fl. OZ. (1 Qt. 1.8 fl. OZ.). In other words 1 litre.
Thank God though we can still go to a kort store and buy a cuppa’ two, tree’ quarts of beer, the field is still 100 yards long, bases are still 90 feet apart and the butcher will still sell me a 2 pound steak.
I don’t get this whole metric thing. It’s soooo, sooooo … French.
Baino – I am not the stereotypical old fella. My mission in life is to break the mould.
Ian – Did you ever try going into a shop and asking for sixpence for a phonebox? And the law here is as bonkers as anywhere else. Probably more so.
Brianf – I like the French. They have a nice laid back attitude to life, and they dislike George W. They are a bit weird though when it comes to serving pints.
Next time I go south I will yell ‘Mad Grandad’ at every car that dares go faster than I do!
Well, that’s better than what you normally shout?
How do you know?
You have quite a reputation here. You’re known as “Finger-sign Grannymar”
So it has been YOU tailing me for the past few years!
I told Elly I had a Stalker!
Oops! What happened there?
My comment Exploded!
I have better things to be doing than stalking Grannymars. It must be someone else.
Sorry about the comment exploding. I have installed a new bit of software to trap Star Wars fans. You’re not a Jedi are you?
I have two heads and big green ears, does that make me a Jedi?
Looks like it. So my exploding comment thingy works!
GM said “I have two heads and big green ears, does that make me a Jedi?”
And I say “No, but John Gormley would like to interview you tomorrow for a vacancy that’s arisen in his Department”
and Grandad – I think you have succeeded spectacularly in ‘breaking the mould!’
I always refer to weight in stones, pounds and ounces. Speed in miles per hour and liquid in pints, gallons and litres. Mainly cause thats how things are provided.
I hate all this standardisation nonsense. Things were nice and confusing and sometimes chaotic before. Herself being Polish refers to everything metrically while I deliberately use imperial just to thwart her. She asked me once how much did I weigh and I said 14 and a half stone.
Of course she didn’t have a clue what that was. Then she reaches for the rather useful converter application that they have on some mobile phones. So she converted it to kg and told me but I’m after forgetting.
The moment someone mentions kilometres, kilograms or whatever it is in one ear and out the other.
like most other things I’m told too come to think of it.
Robert – you must be a Jedi too? As a matter of interest, did you write that comment, or did I? Because it is a summary of me down to the last fullstop [except that Herself is from Galway which is a bit more foreign].
I was brought up on pints [literally?], pounds, stones and miles. I know exactly what a mile is and am tired of multiplying kilometers by .6 to see how far I have to go.
I’m 12 stone and 6′ 3″ and that’s enough for me.
Divide by 8 and multiply by 5 instead much quicker and easier. I can even just barely manage it with my limited mathematical intellect 😉
That’s two sums though. My way, you knock a decimal point off and multiply by six.
50 = 5 x 6 = 30. So 50 km is approximately 30 miles.
You’re right. That is much simpler. Of course I’m going to forget it in half an hour 😐
At least they never tried decimalising the clock……
I discovered in Belfast yesterday that neither metric nor imperial speed limits are of any avail whatosever. The Westlink, which cuts through the city looks like a war zone – I think they have dismantled it and forgotten how to put it together again – has a 30 limit. It’s mph, but kph might be safer. The traffic yesterday afternoon was moving at 40-50 mph and I was passed by a truck doing at least 60. The only PSNI man I saw was out on the A1 dual carriageway near Dromore in Co Down – a clear open stretch of road where someone was pulled over for doing more than 60.
Having said that, I was tailgated by a truck through the port tunnel last night – it was half closed, there was a 50 kph limit and this idiot from Kerry drove 6 feet (2 metres) from my back bumper.
They’ll never be able to mess with the traditional Irish measurement system! We’ll always stick to:
A few bob…
A bit down d’ road there…
A moxy load…
Two fingers of…
As big as a brick shit house
A fair lick
A dose of…
Saw a van there as big as a brick shit house headin’ a bit down d’ road there batin’ at a fair lick. Must’ve been goin’ a smidge too fast, sure didn’t he mither himself with a moxy load of the speed wobbles and crash? That’ll cost him a few bob. He’ll need at least two fingers o’ malt a’ter that.
The Irish never need specifics.
That’ll cost him a fair belt…
True for ya, K8. Like I tell the tourists – “Dublin is a wee bit up the road there!!”
Ian – Everyone knows that Norn Iron motorists are even worse that the ones down here. I would have thought that impossible, but….
And don’t tell me they’re still working on the Westlink? Those works caused me to get lost two years ago, with their badly signposted diversions.
‘hose works caused me to get lost two years ago, with their badly signposted diversions.’
I arranged that!
Just wait until you try to get to Kilkenny!!!!!