A choice between two terrorists
I have a beard.
I have had it now for 36 years, and have no intention of shaving it off. I like it. Herself likes it. And it annoys my sister-in-law [which is enough reason in itself].
For many years I kept it short. That was fine but people kept saying I looked like Gerry Adams.
I didn’t particularly like the comparison and nor, in fairness did he.
I decided to let it grow a bit. Quite a lot in fact.
The problem now is that people say I look like Osama bin Laden.
Why they can’t compare me to George Bernard Shaw or someone like that, I don’t know. They just insist on comparing me to terrorists. At least I don’t look like a tourist?
Actually Osama and I have a lot in common. We both like living in the mountains, and we value our privacy. We both have a slight distaste for George W. I must look him up on Facebook, give him a poke, and become friends with him.
The beard is getting a bit long now, and I was going to become Gerry Adams again, but a problem has arisen.
A few days ago, Puppychild was here. She is a very affectionate child and is inclined to ambush one with a sudden kiss or a cuddle. She sidled up to me and she pointed to my beard.
“That’s Grandad” says she.
Then she gently stroked my beard.
“It’s gorgeous” says she.
What’s a bloke to do?
Ah bless her. I don’t mind beards but you get beard rash and it ain’t pretty.
The real danger is the child could grow up admiring Adams and bin Laden.
What’s a bloke to do? Why, plait it! Like a pharoh. Or a pirate.
Two new readers!! Welcome Rosie and Nonny! 🙂
Beard rash is not something I worry about. Anyway beard rash only comes from stubble, not my silky whiskers.
Plaiting is an interesting concept. I just tried it. I’m now typing with one hand as the other is firmly knotted in my beard…..
I’m not particularly worried about Puppychild’s idols. I will teach her to admire Che Guevarra. Hey! I’ll cut it to look like Che 😉
Make it easy for Puppychild.
Trim one half and leave the other side alone. That way she will learn there is more than one side to Grandad!
I like Grannymar’s suggestion!
Also, you can always suggest to Puppychild to be present while you trim it. If she starts to scream as you start trimming, just stop and take one step at the time.
Wow, I’m fascinated by your self confessed comparison to Osama Bin Laden. You do indeed have many common attributes. Any chance I could turn you in and collect that massive ransom? We could do a deal – 50/50 split….we can deny it a years time after we’ve stashed away all the loot!
Grannymar – An ingenious solution. That way, one side profile would look like Adams and the other would look like bin Laden. No thanks.
Jelena – Do you want me to reduce my granddaughter to a nervous wreck? “Gwandad is cutting off his face. Ahhhhhh!”
John – Where have you been? I was waiting for that suggestion. Knowing you, you’d run off with the money. Anyway they’d ‘accidentally’ shoot me. No chance.
Instead of halving your beard, why not add Adams to Bin Laden and look like Ronnie Drew?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronnie_Drew
Best suggestion yet, Ian. And the more beard I have, the more Guinness I can absorb into it for later use.
On seeing Bin Laden’s latest video,you would have thought someone would have told him to go easy on the Just for Men.
Would a comparison with Sigmund Freud do?