Yesterday was a good day.
It ended with my winning the Rose of Tralee thingy. But I’ll come to that later.
We went down to the village yesterday to celebrate the fact that the sun was actually shining. I had a very pleasant coffee or two and a puff on the pipe while Sandy gnawed on a tourist child she’d found. Herself went shopping.
We got home to find K8 and Puppychild and Sean there. They had broken in [again] and had made themselves at home.
Puppychild found a pistol that was lying around. She picked it up, pointed it at Herself and shouted “Fweeze!”. Now they don’t have television, so she must have heard this from TAT. I keep telling him not to bring Puppychild with him when he is making ‘withdrawals’ from the bank.
We all played in the garden. I played tennis with Sandy [she has a vicious back-paw!], and Puppychild played with the pistol.
Next thing I knew, she shot me in the leg. She thought this was hilariously funny and shouted “I got you, Gwandad” and collapsed laughing. The blood started pouring down into my shoes, and she thought this was even funnier. “You’re wet” she shouted, and collapsed again. I love that child. She is so happy.
So she carried on taking pot shots at Sandy, while I went in to put on a bandage and get ready for Tralee.
That latter was a bit of an anticlimax.
I entered myself as the Mountain Rose.
I gave Ray D’Arcy a bit of a hard time, and when he asked me about boyfriends, I told him he was a f*cking w*nk*r and to mind his own f*cking business. This went down very well with the crowd, though I think it was when I head-butted him that I got the greatest cheer.
I won, of course.
Unfortunately, I was disqualified after I was found in a highly compromising position with Sharon Ní Bheoláin behind the Dome.
Maybe anticlimax is the wrong word.
Oh yes. Sharon Ní Bheoláin? You lucky dog you. Back in the mid to late 1990’s she was solely responsible for the improvement in our Irish language skills in the house myself and a few of the lads used to share. Every night we would tune in to Nuacht just to see the good Miss.
So you are secretly training Puppychild to shoot tourists?
Love the dress by the way. Red is really your colour!
You look slightly bemused there Grandad. Were you not expecting to win? I mean, you cut a fine figure of a wo….. ma…… whatever.
Robert – Sharon would inspire any man to great heights. Especially when you meet her in the flesh [as it were].
Grannymar – Thank you. I designed and made that dress myself. It must have taken me a couple of hours.
B3n – I had just seen the little sign Sharon was showing me. Just as well the cameras were on me, not her.
LOL you have a wonderfully vivd and active fantasy life grandad
Hope its not contageous
Jaysus! Grandad – you’re a wonderful tonic! I must look and see what Cully & Sully put in their pies. Or are you on something you’d rather not declare? Thanks for making me laugh again anyway!
Sean – I hope you’re not implying that I’m making this up? Ask K8. She was there when Puppychild shot me. She had a great laugh too.
Steph – I have nothing to declare except my genius. [I think I just stole that line..?]
“There is a fine line between genius and insanity” – Oscar Wilde I think but he fininshed that off by saying: “I have managed to erase that line”.
Robert – I think I crossed that line around the time I blew up Nelson’s Pillar for a bet [a packet of sherbet dip and a bar of Cleeve’s Toffee].
And theres me thinking you blew up Nelsons pillar because it made you feel inadequate as a man
Make sure to get the bullet out Grandad. Don’t want the leg getting infected!
I’d love a go at Sharon behind the Dome. When in school our teacher made us watch the Nuacht and write about the stories. When Sharon started presenting we were the ones asking to watch the Nuacht!
Sean – I don’t believe in phallic symbols. That’s why I don’t drive an SUV. Pity others don’t feel the same!
Swiss – I’d give you her phone number, but she made me promise not to pass it on. Sorry.
And don’t worry about the bullet. It went right through and broke the neighbour’s window.
Great post. Loved every morsel. Sharon!
Sixty – I don’t want you having any fantasies over my Sharon. I can be quite jealous sometimes, and you wouldn’t want to experience that!
Don’t dare go round hospital to have that bullet out – I can’t afford it.
What with Blogger down for unannounced and (probably) unexplained mischief, I’m not making any money on my outrageous stock tips and can not allow you to spend extra money: at dinner tonight dip a herb scone into your tea and slap it over the wound – that should do.
The child DID pick up the casings and return them to you, didn’t she? Those are at least .05 cents each…
Thanks for your altruistic concern, Doc. don’t worry about the wound – I poured a glass of whiskey on it [and drank the rest of the bottle]. It’s fine.
I think I have all the casings – 453 of them. That child knows how to enjoy herself!
Aww Geez, I knew this was going to happen. How many times have I told you not to let the young ones plays with the auto pistols! Revolvers only! I have those M9’s of yours set to 2.5 lbs. on the trigger pull with no over travel. The Webley revolvers are set to 11 lbs., double action, so they’re safe around the kids. The one good thing is that the 9mm’s aren’t much good for anything other than letting the kids play with. By God, had you been hit with a .455 from the Webley you might be in real pain now.
Brianf – She has to be trained. After all, she is nearly three. I thought it was time. After all, her mammy is teaching her about explosives, and I want her to me an all-rounder.
Don’t worry about the pain. I’m well used to it, after being married to a frying pan with Herself on the end of it, for over thirty years.
Another highly compromising position with Rose too then??
Two in one night…oh.. and the headbutt to Ray…..nice.
Puppychild is almost three?!?!!
How time flies!
Last I remember K8 was playing with those old British L1A1’s, picking off the German tourists. She was pretty good at it as I remember.
Well, if Puppychild is getting to be that age, you’re more than correct. Every three year old should, by that age, know the difference between an auto pistol and and a revolver. Didn’t she know you had a Volquartsen trigger honed to 2.5 lbs? Maybe I should have said 1.33980925 kilos!
@Brianf – It was probably an FN-FAL. The Irish army used those up until the late 80’s. Now we have the Steyr AUG. Although nice enough the FN will always be my favourite.