Green fingers and Triffids
As you may have gathered from my comments on yesterday’s post, I was denied my slumber by an emergency phonecall.
Our K8 had gotten herself in a little bit of a pickle and wanted a bit of help from Daddy. And that’s what Daddies are for. Right? [unless of course it’s not an emergency, in which case – wrong!]
So I drove down and collected her and Puppychild and we went to collect Sean and we drove back to her place. We had a cup of tea [or two, or three].
I discovered a new facet to my daughter.
She has a lovely new collection of carnivorous plants!
She has a Venus Fly Trap, a Pitcher Plant and another hairy sticky one. We don’t know what the hairy one is called so I’ll call it Fred.
She has a compost bin in the garden, and a plank laid across the bin. The plants sit in a row on the plank. The compost bin attracts its fair share of flies, so the plants are thriving. While we watched, the Venus Flytrap nicely caught yet another meal [it was already eating about five others]. The Pitcher Plant was nicely melting down a bluebottle and the sticky one was nicely coated in half digested flies.
We discussed the possibility of growing a hybrid. Maybe a Venus Flytrap crossed with a redwood tree. Just imagine – a three hundred foot carnivorous plant! Wow! We could plant them in groves around the airports and ferry terminals. They would thrive.
Or cross a Venus Flytrap with a rhododendron and let them grow wild around the Lakes of Killarney. They would have a feast.
We could disguise large Pitcher Plants as swimming pools in the touristy hotels…….
My daughter is weird.
I wonder where she gets it from?
She gets it from the plants. Owners grow to resemble their plants over time.
The same as with pets. My neighbour, Flossie Fortwright-Batchloaf, looks like a horse. And one of the girls working part-time down the pub has a bulldog that chews wasps. Well I assume she has.
Would large Pitcher Plants be called Bush Bushes?
So that means that our K8 is going to grow hairy and sticky [a bit like myself] and I’ll have to call her Fred?
Grannymar – I don’t know. Maybe? Or would they be classed as Weapons of Mass Consumption?
Grandad, I have the necessary tools here in the lab for crossing plants with plants…or anything come to think of it. I await your instructions. I could knock up an army of tourist targetting venus fly trap/triffids by next Tuesday!
Or…how about…flying monkeys?!? I remember being scared stiff of the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. Flying monkeys crossed with venus fly traps and trained in anti-tourist tactics…too many ideas…need to lie down…
I think we’ll put the monkeys on hold. Tuesday sounds fine. Why not Monday?
You wouldn’t believe how unnervingly satisfying it can be to watch a wasp meet its demise at the mercy of a venus fly trap.
“Feed me Seymour!!!”
I was heavily influenced by ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ (both of them).
Probably why I hate dentists.
I know about the film with Rick Moranis, but where is the other Little Shop of Horrors? Tescos?
The mokey plan has been scrapped, venus fly tap/triffid army has been pencilled in for Monday. I had planned to take over the world on Monday, but for you, I’ve pushed that back till Tuesday!
Thanks, Swiss Job. Very good of you.
Nice to think that the Swiss who have always maintained a strict policy of neutrality are the ones to finally conquer the world.
Do I have a place in the New Order, or am I to be placed up against the wall and shot, like everybody else?
There was another version of this flick in 1960, with Jack Nicholson playing the role of the masochist in the dentist chair! Definately worth watching.
Woa. There’s a coinkidink. Jack Nicholson… hmm.
I’m glad you are planting these things in Ireland. They will eventually get sick of the spicy food available and go in search of local cuisine. Please plant some of these in London and france. After a few years of this the price of housing will come back down in Ireland and we Americans can move in to the tropics just north of Bray.
Don’t forget the Marathon Man.
Now that is a film that would completely put you off dentists for life.
Brianf – They will be trained like sniffer dogs. They will hunt for such obnoxious odours as digested burgers, bourbon and the like. Naturally they will reject good wholesome food odours like boiled bacon and cabbage.
Why in the name of all that’s holy, would you want to move into Ballybrack?
Robert – can you please send me a copy straight away? Herself has an appointment at two!
Just had a look about for that scene and can’t find it anywhere. YouTube have the trailer but that’s it.
I did find a clip on liveleak showing a real dentists procedure but it’s not for the faint hearted which is also the reason why I’m shaking slightly.
It’s also given me an excuse to head to the pub early.
Grandad, Is there no liking at all for Americans abroad? Don’t you think that just the fact of being a tourist tends to bring out the worst in many people – regardless of their nationality?
I’ve seen some beauts in our area, from all over the world. Then again, being a tourist and accepting a tourist on your own turf are two different things entirely!
Diane – Certainly American policy isn’t very popular. Nor is the American influence on other cultures.
As for my tourist thing – it was your own president who started the whole damn thing with his War on Tourism.
Feel free to annihilate any Irish you find in your neck of the woods. It’s good fun.. Try it!
Lay off our President!
You know that every day when he wakes up it’s the Dawn of a new Error.
Irish tourists in our area (rare as they are) are usually welcomed, if not lionized.
My husband was playing (the bodhran!) in an area pub a few years ago. Just as the band was beginning to pack up, in walked a group of Irish visitors who were in town for a family wedding. Much to their disappointment, the patrons at a saloon down the block refused to fight with them, even when the newcomers danced with the locals’ girlfriends. In search of alternative recreation, they wandered in to our venue. When they saw the penny whistle and drum, they asked for a few tunes. Two hours later, after much singing and dancing on tabletops, the evening ended.
One interesting comment from the Irish: they didn’t get to hear too many live performances of traditional tunes, because most of the best musicians were playing on tour in the U.S.!
Nancy – I’ll lay off your president when he lays off the rest of the world!!
Diane – That’s my fault. I was among those who revived the traditional Irish music scene back in the early 70’s. Now they are all at it, like Riverdance, all over the damn place!!
All this talk of dentists and Americans . . oh the pain! And I have the last stage of my root canal on Monday.
Herself has to go for another root canal in a few days time. I will play that video to her every day until then. It will make her feel better…..
Aww. Good luck granny. Fortunately the nerve in my tooth was dead as a dodo so no anaesthetic necessary (don’t tell Brian – I want him to think I can put up with more pain than a tattoo!)
Don’t encourage her. She gives herself enough sympathy as it is.
As for Brian…. Big wuss!