Is this you? — 27 Comments

  1. No way is it me!

    Now stop faffing behind other peoples voices, music etc and go and make a proper podcast!

    (GM runs off to hide behind the couch).

  2. Who the hell wants to listen to an old fart waffling away when they can read the glories of my words on-screen?

    Only insecure, vain, self-centred, self-absorbed people do podcasts. [Unless of course they don’t own an SUV].

    You can come out from behind the couch now.

  3. Well Grandad I don’t drive an SUV because here in Canada SUV’s are mostly driven bty what’s called “soccer moms” Those middle aged suburbanite mothers who drive a vehicle that is far too big for them to handle.
    I drive a truck thats 7 feet wide and 7 feet high and 18 feet long and having visited your grand wee Island I wouldnt even want to attempt to park there. But I don’t own it because it makes me feel big and important as I already am big and important. I drive it because I cant cram my massive 6’6 inch, 30 stone frame behind the steering wheel of one of those wee cars you use for “taxis” over there. I could maybe get behind the wheel but I doubt I could use the pedals effectively. But my wee truck I can just step into and drive. Funniest thing is watching people like my wee mom trying to get into it, at 5′ even she appears to be climbing a mountain and is in need of a sherpa guide.

    Now I am sure you are bored out of your minds with my narrative as its long winded when i could have just quoted Dr. Freud and said “some times a cigar is just a cigar”

  4. Trips behind the couch can prove fruitful.

    I found loads of money! Now is that where George was sitting at the weekend?

    Whatever you do, say nothing. Finders keepers…

  5. Sean, you don’t drive an SUV. Enough said.

    I have no problem at all with people who cart around gravel in the back, or tow machinery. It’s those massive yokes that clutter up the village. They always seem to be driven either by small women who can’t handle them, or blokes who thing because they can afford one, that they own the road.

    I have never heard a good excuse for using an SUV instead of an ordinary car. They are pure ostentatious ego-inflators for people with more money than brains.

    Grannymar – Trips behind the sofa, a root in old suits in old wardrobes – that’s how I fund our extravagant lifestyle!!

  6. Grandad, I drive a Scion XA – small, economic, eminently suited for trips to the supermarket or the commute to school.

    Thousands of tourists pass through our area in the summer, and I’m always amazed by the City folk who drive Hummers and Mercedes SUVs. Must be a lot of money made by waste removal magnates in New Jersey!

  7. So it was you!

    I wondered who left the muddy footprints all the way to the wardrobe. I was there first so you had thin pickings.

    Better luck next time.

  8. The simplest way to cut down on SUV usage, and thus save fuel and so on, would be simply to have the Department of Health provide free penis enlargement surgery to prospective purchasers!

    Dear Mary Harney…

  9. Grannymar – they were eco-footprints. Save them, and save the planet.

    Robert – Harney has being doing that for years. My spam box is full of her pleadings. Though the concept of women having penis enlargement is an intriguing one, to say the least. I’m not going down that path for the moment.

    Sixty – Don’t thank me. Thank whoever accidentally interfered with my server and put it there!! It wasn’t me. It might have been Stephen Price who made the recording.

    Manuel – Don’t worry – you’re only one letter away from success. Actually, I drive a Merc. I was told this by Brianf, to my surprise.

  10. Grandad,

    I am coming over to visit your village soon and I am shipping my car ahead so I will have something to drive while

    My question to you is :
    Do you think my Hummer will make it down your lane if I come to see you and Granny?

    I DO have the small one.

  11. Nancy, you are more than welcome. However I feel that even the smallest Hummer won’t fit in our village, let alone up the lane. You’ll have to take the bus. Or ring me first and I’ll pick you up from the Phoenix Park. There should be room enough there to park a Hummer.

  12. I saw a really terrible anti-SUV/Chelsea tractor show on the beeb a while back, can’t remember the name, but it had loads of the usual bad things about them on it.

    The only 2 ‘good’ bits were when they took one of the ‘soccer mom’ types round the front of hers and asked her to hold out her hand where she estimated her childs head would be in relation to the bonnet, she was almost in tears at the thought and announced that she was selling hers.

    The other bit was when they managed to get 11! yes 11 children standing behind one of them before the driver had any indication of anything behind him from the drivers seat ( he only saw 1 of the 11 children) At one stage he was craning behind him half into the back seat!!! He decided he might reconsider his choice.

    The amount of people that take there kids to school in these child killing machines truly disgusts me.

    Oops that turned into a bit of a rant, dunno where that came from, sorry about that 🙂

  13. People are amazingly good at deluding themselves into thinking that something that ‘looks safe’ actually IS safe.

  14. I see some one beat me to it as I thought up the saying “those men that don’t have …… buy flash cars and SUV’s” lol
    And Nancy thats not really a hummer its just a chevy truck with a fancy body kit , but shh I won’t tell anyone

  15. George – I saw that too. If I remember correctly, it was yer man John Sargent[?]. It was an eye opener.

    I would say they are extremely dangerous. Not only can you not see behind you, but they give an illusion of safety [and superiority] that makes the driver reckless. They love driving around bends on the wrong side, or just driving down the middle of the road.

    My pet hate is when they come towards me straddling the white line, forcing me into the ditch, while they make no effort to pull over at all.

    I’m gonna buy me a tank 😉

  16. Guns and now ‘I’m gonna buy me a tank’…

    Grandad’s middle names are George W….

  17. Was that who he was? 🙂

    If you remember the “crash test” the car that the SUV drove pretty much straight through side to side was the exact make, model and year of my old car, a really big eye opener for me

  18. Well you know my feeling about the things. I have a neighbour who drives up our road like a whirling dervish in her Landcruiser. Maybe we should follow NY’s lead, they want to charge $58 to allow SUV’s (or ToorakTractors) as we call them here into the city limits due to their pollution levels. And if you wanna tow a boat or a float . . there’s nothing like a V8 Commodore ute.

  19. With the shit roads around here its a bit tempting to get one. but unlike the snob from the village i can’t afford one

    so many ’07 cars on the road because the government is supporting the car industry by making sure they only last a couple of years out here. in holland where the roads are good you see 15 year old citroen’s that look like they are only a few years old.

  20. A long story involving UFOs, the N3 roundabout on the M50, and a cheese and ham sandwich. You’d find it all terribly boring.

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