I mentioned the other day that I bought Herself a Dyson.
While I was out, I thought I’d buy myself a little gift too.
We have this crazy setup where we are encouraged to install wood burning stoves [eco-friendly], but are outlawed from burning wood in the garden [eco-unfriendly]. And my humble little estate is on an age where, instead of planting things, it’s a constant battle to keep plants in check. So I spend a lot of time hacking at things and cutting branches. And, of course the weather does a good job too. So I have ended up with a massive pile of old branches. And I’m not allowed to burn them.
I went into the hardware shop and toddled over to the gardening section.
I found an assistant [that took half an hour].
“Do you sell munchers?” says I.
“Munchers?” says he. “Oh! You mean shredders?”
He brought me down to one of those hidden areas that always seem to contain whatever I’m looking for.
There were a couple of munchers there and they looked impressive.
The salesman started prattling on about how efficient they were and how powerful. It occurred to me that between manufacture, transportation and running costs, these beasts probably had a massive eco-footprint compared to a piddly bonfire, but I let that pass. He also raved about the safety features. He pointed out that there was a special yoke at the top to stop you accidentally putting your hand in.
“Suppose I left that yoke off?” says I.
“That would be very dangerous.” He looked at me like I were a fool.
“Would it grind up my arm?”
He just looked at me. But I’m patient.
“A simple question.” says I “Would I be able to put, say, a severed leg through it?”
He turned very green and fainted. Young people these days have no backbone.
I bought it anyway and towed it home.
I’ve been playing with it for a few days now. It’s brilliant. It chews up everything.
The mountain of branches is gone. And I discovered in the manual that it is great for shredding paper too. Better and better.
I have quite a few
invoices from arms dealers old bank statements that I didn’t want to put in the bin so in they went.
So happy days are here again. Herself spends the day vacuuming the house, and I spend the day
destroying evidence making compost.