Neighbours
One of my neighbours has decided to knock his house down.
Quite why he’s doing it, I’m not sure. Maybe he doesn’t like the wallpaper?
I offered to do it for him, because I have some spare Semtex left over from last Halloween. But he said no.
Anyway, a van load of Poles arrived yesterday along with a lorry load of poles. The Poles erected the poles around the house and started work. I don’t think my neighbour had expected them to work so quickly and he had to move out. Fast.
A lorry arrived today to cart away the remains. There is no way they could get into the driveway so they parked the lorry in the lane and used one of those grab things to scoop the rubble onto the lorry.
The only snag was that the lorry was the precise width of the lane, so no-one could get past it. Not even on foot. And there was a lot of rubble to shift, so it was there a long time.
My doorbell started ringing.
“I can’t get home. Can you ask them to move the lorry please?”
“But that lorry has nothing to do with me” says I.
“I know, but they won’t talk to me. Maybe they’ll talk to you?”
“No. They won’t talk to me” says I. I didn’t say that this morning, the Poles had all been sitting in a circle eating their breakfast. Our Sandy got out, went over into the middle of the circle and did a huge dump in front of them all. This was a bit embarrassing for me, and very strange as our Sandy is usually very discreet. Maybe she doesn’t like Poles?
“Can I take a short cut through your field?”
“No. Go sit in your car and be patient!”
This happened twice. Different people. And these people get their oil delivered or whatever, and they block the lane , but I don’t complain. People are so damned impatient these days.
What I don’t understand though is that whenever something goes wrong in this area, people always blame me.
Why?
Did nobody think to use the grab thingy to lift the cars over to the other side of the truck?
Duh…
It’s the beard!
@K8 – Dammit, dammit, dammit!! Why didn’t I think of that? That would have been fun.
@Robert – You might have something there. But I’m not going to shave it off. I’m afraid of what I might find underneath.
http://headrambles.com/2007/06/06/the-aerodynamics-of-dug-turds/
No, 60. Different neighbour. Though I might use their house as a bunker until they rebuild it. If they rebuild it.
Don’t go to bed tonight, they might have sold out to developers and plan to demolish your place in the wee small hours.
I’m safe enough, Grannymar. There are still a load of landmines around from when I left our K8 in charge when we took our break.
If they trip a landmine, it’ll wake the neighbourhood.
Being builders they will be FFers – should you not do something to sabotage their progress?
Ah no. The sooner they finish the better. The noise is getting to me already [they start every morning at seven].
Anyway, I wouldn’t be nasty to my neighbours. Would I?
Just stand at the bottom of the garden wearing a flat cap and waving a stick shouting ‘GET OFF MY LAND!!!!’
Flat cap and stick need a puce face to go with them if they are to be effective – Grandad’s beard would spoil the impact. He’d have to replace the stick with a 12 bore shotgun discharged in no particular direction, or shave off the beard
I always shoot first and shout after. A bit like in golf.
And the 12 bore is what I always use around the property. It’s more in keeping with the rural atmosphere.